I am in a house, one like those beautiful Victorian ones you see. On my bed there is a large open suitcase, half full of clothes, and a military uniform. As I look out the window, my two wonderful children are playing with the family dog in the yard. I fold up the shirt I have in my hands, then place it neatly in the suitcase. I hear someone opening the door. "Honey, I am home!" My husband says, I hear him place his keys down on the kitchen counter.

As I finish packing, he comes into the bedroom, pausing to kiss my forehead. "Hey sweetie, how was work?" I say, and I close the suitcase. "Its work, as always. I had to fire one of my workers. He was yelling at a customer." I chuckle as I set the suitcase on the ground. "Oh, well, shame on him. He should treat people with respect." I am very proud of my husband. He is the owner of an auto shop, he calls it "Mr. Mechanics Auto Shop". It was his ideal career. In high school, he had somes troubles. He was into drugs, and didn't do too well. When he meet me, it was love at first sight. Eventually, he asked me out. We dated for several years, and loved each other very much. The year I had enlisted, he asked me to marry him.

Here we are, ten years after meeting each other, with two kids and a dog. We are a happy family. "Todd, how are we going to tell the kids?" I say, as I watch them roll around in the mud. Emma, our little girl was laughing at Zane, her older brother, fetch a ball from the mud. "Tell them about what Tula?" Tula is what Todd calls me, it's short for Latula. He could never remember my full name when we met, and Tula stuck. "About me having to go to Iraq." I don't want to leave my family, but I have to. My job is to protect the family, and the country; at all costs. "It will be fine, they are old enough to understand." He is always comforting me when I have to leave. I need that comfort, it helps me go through with my decision to leave.

Later in the evening,we are sitting at the dinner table. It was hard to get Emma and Zane inside and washed up, but Todd managed it while I cooked dinner. "And then Zane fell in the mud Mamma!" Emma was really excited to tell me her story, but I was hardly paying attention; I was worried how they would react to my news.
"Yea, but you were also getting muddy!" Zane was talking to Emma, he adores her. They do anything and everything together. My perfect angels. "Kids, Mom and I have something important to tell you." Here goes. Emma and Zane turn their attention to us. I speak up first. "You both understand how important my job is, right?" Not a bad start. They nod in their understanding. "Unfortunately, we couldn't tell you both sooner," Todd starts, "but your mom has to board a big plane to Iraq tomorrow. She is going to be away for awhile." I wish I didn't have to see the look on their faces. It devastated me. Zane, being thirteen, knew right away why I had to go. "Mom has to go, go to war?" It was sad to watch him choke back tears. "Mamma, how long you gone for?" Little Emma says, not quite old enough to understand completely what I am going to do. "For a long time sweetie, until the war is over." I try to keep a happy look on in front of the kids. "Your Mom has to do what is right for our country, for your freedom. Be thankful for what you have. Now, if you finish eating, we will all go to get ice cream!" God bless his soul. Todd always knows how to cheer them up. He is a great father to them.

As dinner finishes up, I go outside to wait. Emma follows, closer to me than usual. "What's wrong Emma?" I say, but I think I know the answer. "Mamma, people die in wars. Please don't die on us. We will miss you while you are gone." She hugs me tight. I whisper in her ear. "Now why would I die? I have to come back to see my angels." I used to say that when I was gone more frequent. Lately, I have had a feeling I will not be coming back, but I am one of the best in my squad. I will come home to my family again.

Again, it took awhile to pile everyone in Todd's five person pickup truck. Once we were on our way to the ice cream parlor, we sang some songs that the kids enjoy. Tonight, it was about family. Soon after,we park and enter the ice cream parlor. "I want the Double Chocolate Decker in a Waffle Cone!" Zane is a sucker for sweets. The ice cream he orders is a foot high, and it makes me laugh to see him eat it. "I want the Strawberry Milkshake!" Emma loves anything with strawberries in it. She usually gets the milkshake here. Todd and I order a simple cone each with vanilla soft serve. Emma and Zane sit at the table, with their ice cream. They look so happy. I wonder how they will do without me around. I'm sure they will be fine though, they are great kids, and they have the best father.

Todd and the kids finish their ice cream, and walk over to the claw machines. I can hear Emma asking Zane if he can get her this pink bunny. I can see it clearly; it's white belly and paws, a pink nose, and a very pretty pink bow tied around it's neck. Zane takes $2 from Todd and tries his best. He missed the bunny on his first try. His second try he made sure to line up the claw in the best position. Zane pressed the red "drop" button. Emma squeals, suggesting he did get it.

At home, I say good night and good bye to Emma and Zane. As I tucked Zane in bed, he said that he loved me very much. "Mom, please call us every night! I will miss you very very much." At his words, I couldn't help but shed a few tears. "I will always call you, Zane. I am always with you, if you know how to find me." With that, I kissed him on his head, turned out his lights, and closed his door.

As Todd got ready for bed, I was sitting on our bed. "Make sure they do homework, and make sure no one hurts them." I know he knows all of this. I can't help it. I guess it makes me feel better. "Of course I will, Tula. They will be fine. now, you have a long trip ahead of you, early in the morning. get some sleep." He crawls into bed and holds me from behind. "I love you my sweet dear." He whispered in my ear.

I wake up. It was all a dream? Damn, it was good. I check my phone to see what time it is. 2:03 A.M. Great. And what's this? I have a message. It's from my boyfriend. "I have to be honest with you." Oh no, this can't be good. "Whats up babe?" Here goes. Good or bad, I cannot tell. "I love you, and care about you very very much. But I can't continue being in a relationship." Something broke inside me, and I waited for the rest. "Your such a sweet girl, but we have nothing in common, and we never see each other." At this point, a single tear rolled down my face as I try to keep it together, at least not until we stop talking. "I am still here for you, I will love to be your friend, and hug you whenever you need a hug." Ok, now I am starting to look like an idiot, crying really hard, my makeup running. I was a literal mess. "But I love you, why would you say something like that?" I can't control myself. I try really hard not to make a sound, so I don't wake anyone up. "I am really sorry, but we need to go our own ways. I do still love you, but we need to." I need to stop talking soon, or I am going to make a fool of myself. "I need to go back to sleep. Talk later, I guess." I turn off my phone and curl up in a tight ball. That dream, it was about us, ten years from now. It was the best dream.

As I cover myself with blankets, I hold onto that memory. I cry for a long time, thinking about what went wrong. I still don't know. I love him, and he ripped my heart out. just like that. I love him. I fall asleep thinking about my fantasy.