From the moment I could walk I always walked toward the stars. Or at least I tried to. I would reach out, and through my fingers, it looked as if I had caught the stars in my bare hands. And then I would close my hand and discover they had disappeared, vanished, and then reality would come flooding back to me in large ocean waves, drowning me in the voices that told me "You can't reach the stars, that's ridiculous." But I always kept trying.

Eventually, when I had raised enough money from countless lemonade and friendship bracelet stands, I bought my first telescope. Well, I gave the money to my parents and they bought it for me, considering the fact that I was 7. My parents always supported me, telling me that I indeed could someday reach the stars. They were the lifeguards that pulled me out of the water, preventing me from losing hope and sinking to the bottom.

When I looked through it, I could immerse myself in the midnight sky, and feel like I had been taken away from Earth and was one with the stars. I would sit there for hours, finding new constellations every day and discovering more and more. I spent the day reading countless books about stars, and by night I would journey to them myself.

Alas, the telescope could only do so much. My ever-growing yearning for the stars had grown larger than what a mere telescope could provide. I wanted to go to the stars, be among them and see them up close. I would gaze into their stunning golden beauty for hours, make my entire universe the stars. But how could I do that?

I had started to gather materials for my rocket from anywhere I could find. Whether it was a rusty sheet of metal from a desolate junkyard or some nails I would steal from the supply cabinet, it would suffice. When my parents asked what I was doing, I would tell them I was building a rocket. They would laugh,  and say “Sure, Elenore.” They allowed me to use the backyard to build it.

I had the suspicion that they did not believe I was actually going to fly to the stars, but it didn't faze me in the slightest.

Eventually, I had gathered all of my materials after months of visits to the junkyard and using whatever supplies we had. It took days of work and a large amount of help from my parents. They had always been here for me, helping me get towards the stars, and I was grateful for that. We had nailed together metal and bent it to form the shape of a rocket. Once the basic metal outside was completed, I worked on filling the inside with pillows. It was perfect.

One night, I snuck out of my room and headed to the rocket. I was going to venture to the stars. I left my parents a note that read “I’ve gone to the stars. I will be back soon! Love you!” I left it on the kitchen counter and made my way to the backyard.

I stared at the rocket for a while. It was incredible how you could make something beautiful out of garbage from a junkyard. I climbed in and surrounded myself with the pillows. I had designed it so that the rocket ran on hope and dreams. All I had to do was think of the stars and we would fly away.

I thought of the stars, their stunning beauty, and the desire I had to go to them, causing the rocket to start moving. It was an easy takeoff. I glided swiftly through the sky and could see the whole neighborhood I had grown up in. I felt no remorse for leaving it behind. My mind had always been fixed on the stars. Earth meant nothing to me. It was simply a tool to help me reach them.

After a few minutes, I broke through the atmosphere and had entered space. It was so empty and lonely, but I did not let it get to me. I was determined, and nothing could get to me as long as I had the stars in my mind. I looked out and could the golden specks shining brightly in the distance slowly getting larger. They stood out against the inky black night sky, my only hope in this darkness.

After a few more hours, the star I was flying towards was only a few miles away, and I braced for landing as I rapidly sped towards it. I landed my rocket smoothly. I removed the pillows that were flopped all over me and exited the rocket.

I looked out. All I could see was a vast plain of yellow light. I did not know what I had expected. It was so — empty. Nobody else was here. I walked out further and further, my heart beating fast. There had to be something here! It couldn’t be just this!

I kept running and running, but with every step, there was less hope until at last the ocean had pulled me under and I was drowning once more, but this time I did not try to reach the surface for air. I stood there, staring out into the endless yellow. Tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. After about 10 minutes, a thought hit me: This was only one star! The others could be different!

I sprinted back to my rocket, spring back in my step. I was feeding myself lies, convincing myself that this couldn't be it. To have your entire life crushed before your eyes is something hard to accept. I had to keep myself going somehow. My false hope managed to make the rocket fly. The rocket's exhaust fumes no longer glowed a colorful hue like it used to. The smoke from my rocket was as black as my darkening hope, my darkening vision under the tormenting, thrashing waves.  

I flew over to the next star and got the same results. I kept going and going, and every star I flew to was one more crack in my soul until at last, I shattered. The stars I had always dreamed of were nothing more than a  large ball of yellow. There were no inhabitants, no quirks, each identical to the last. I was still in a state of disbelief, all I could do was walk, mindlessly, lost in a pit emptier than the endless black surrounding the universe. I had lost count of how many stars I had been too, so whatever one this star was I did not know. I just kept walking, for reasons I didn't know why. It wasn't because I still had hoped something would appear, that was all gone. From what I could tell I just needed to do something to make up for the nothing that was in my mind.

After some amount of time, my mind was not keeping track, I had come to be able to see Earth from the star. I was so confused. Why did it look so beautiful? It was full of vibrant blues and greens and whites. All of myself came back to me. I remembered my parents and started thinking about how much I missed them. I realized that my entire life had been lived on Earth, and I had had no care for it before. All I had wanted was to reach the stars, but now that I had, all I wanted was to return back home. I hadn't seen the true beauty of the Earth since the stars were the only thing on my mind. I only realized it's true beauty once it was gone. All I wanted to do was go home. I did not belong in the stars, I belonged on Earth. I made my way to my rocket and climbed back in, with a new hope that wasn't the stars for fuel.