InSanIty | Teen Ink

InSanIty

December 1, 2023
By kendal_kelly SILVER, Austin, Texas
kendal_kelly SILVER, Austin, Texas
6 articles 2 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
It doesn't matter who you are it only matters what you do -sam winchester


Trapped in their brain falling insane there’s where it lies hiding inside now                                

                                                                            You

                                                                               Die 

January 15, 1947

  Locked away… I know it's my fault... But what else could I do… Mom, I’m sorry I failed you… or did I? I've been given a chance to join an experiment. I'll get locked in a gas chamber with 3 other prisoners. The gas should keep us awake. 30-day experiment. Then they set me free. Back to you. I don't know whether I’m being punished or blessed. But there is no other choice…For I’ve already failed this world. What’s the worst that can happen?

                                                                   -Robin 

January 15, 1947,

When I was 15, I did things to regret. I had a plan for a while… A horrible plan. I had this deep feeling inside that something was wrong. But no, I ignored it. I did so much for this… A match is lit death in bits. My mom was sick. She had a vision for me to be perfect. I’m not perfect…  My friends tried to convince me of it. But no I was so oblivious. What sick thought had gotten to my mind? I dropped that match. It set a flame to her. Watching her burn. Screaming. Those eyes just wanted the best for me. But by the time the fire started, it was too late. I begged and I cried pushing to get in there. What did I just do? I scream in pain and in vain. I'm a monster. My friends hold me back. The growing hatred for my new monster self. I hate myself. They hate me. She hates me. I blacked out. I am a horrible person. And I hate myself so much... I am a crazy psychopath killer. I hate myself for it. I hate myself for seeing every second of it and not helping., I yearn for another chance. I speak to no prisoners. Or at least no more than a small chat. For I fear them. Cause I know we all have something deep down. A core of torn-apart disaster. And It's gone for now. But anything could bring it back…  Maybe this experiment is payback… Maybe it's hope. Maybe I can gain myself back…. Helpless faith. I'm more corrupted every day.

                                                                      -Robin

 

January 17, 1947,

Too late… I've already been shipped away. I’m stuck in a cart. A small. Brown. Cart. It's been a day since I got in. The other prisoners are in the train carts next to me. Us Wel dreading what we could become next. Every now and then we hear a silent mutter. A voice impossible to make out. “For the life of another the death of many.” A strange rigging that won't leave my head. Whatever it means, I’ll never be home again.

                                                                                   -Robin 

 

January 18, 1947,

God, There is a lot to say. We arrived this morning. The chamber is quiet. All we have is one bed, a toilet, and food. The 3 other prisoners are men One with a blue shirt, One red, one white... I try my best to ignore them. Every now and then there is a quick talk but none of us want to get attached. It already feels as if it's been days. So far I'm only a little dizzy… I can't fall asleep though. It's almost like caffeine, so far everything is normal. The scientists stare at us. Almost with fear and pain in their eyes. Almost something telling us to run. But now we are too far. and can't turn back.

                                                                           -Robin

 


January 19, 1947,

Day 2, Most of today was normal…. Ish. The man in the blue shirt has broken into a terrible scream. It's been 8 hours of him screaming. An unknown devilish scream. They won't tell us info about what they are doing to us. The scientist just stares at us through one window as if we are on display. I fear something is starting. A plague that will kill us all. It's 9 pm the blue man's vocal cords burst leaving blood all over. He lies dead on the floor. 2/3  Left… The poor man didn't make it far. He hasn't really talked. Every now and then he would mutter some words. “He’s coming” He? I think the poor guy drove himself insane. His screaming still haunts my ears. HOw could the scientist just watch… Not helping… Death follows me everywhere... I hear a high screech. I look up. Where is it coming from? I break down crying. The other men stare at me like I'm insane. Scared of interaction. They claim they don’t hear a thing. The guys keep talking. I cuddle up in a corner praying to fall asleep.WHy CanT i JuSt fALl ASlEep!

                                                                              -Robin 


January 20, 1947

I love to have skin. Pretty tan… Skin. I could just bite to keep awake. Gnawing at it. The warm taste of blood and flesh ringing in my mouth. Lately, I've been seeing this thing. We have run out of food and the scientists seem to find joy in us figuring out what to eat. I haven't eaten for two days. The gas gets thicker every second. I

spent all night in my bed shaking Unable of sleep.. Feeling the chains raping around me. Feeling blood drip down my leg. I scream. And I  can't stop. Whatever got that man. I fear It's got me too. Dark shadows flying across the room. I scream at the men for help. But they just smile at me. A blood-deifying smile. My stomach makes noises like a man stuck screaming inside me… Please let me go…

                                                                             -Robin

                                                                        


January 22, 1947 

I skipped a day of writing……. I've spent this time mourning. We slowly starve. But then we don't.. Ut was the only choice. My body craved him. Chuck after chuck of his flesh I feast.. The scientist looks at us. Everyone is looking at us. Look somewhere else! It's not my fault!!!! I rip skin after skin layer off covering the window. Till it's just us. None of us talk because we all feel it. The darkness Biting at our own skin. I can't bare myself. Bite after bite. Chunks of my skin are gone. I fight to stop but if I do he will get me. I will fall asleep if I don't bite. I have to fight to live. The other men have started to do the same. None of us talk because we fear he will hear. He was in the devil. He’s the one who crawls in the dark. The one who no one sees… The nightmare. He's getting closer to me every day. And I'm scared. I don't wanna die. I want life. I wanted to make something of myself. I wanted to get old. I wanted to have kids and get married. But no, I'm gonna die. I wanted a good life. Ever since I was little I've wanted kids. But I have turned my life into a living hell. And that's something I can’t forgive. Yet I can't let myself go. Cause I wanna be better. I want to do this… for mom. I feast on my skin. For, If I don't. I'll be someone else's feast. Mom, I really love you. I know it's all my fault you died. I think I'm getting what I deserve. The worst pain of my life. The scientist wants to turn the gas off… if they do they will release a monster and kill us all. 

                                                                                -Robin


January 23, 1947

They took us... Dragged out the chamber. I must go back. He's coming. He's getting closer. MY body tastes better every second. BIting deeper to keep awake. Let me go bastard. I will get back to the chamber.I claw at the ground. They don't

get it. If I sleep I fear the worst. I bite deeper and deeper keeping me from falling asleep. fight harder every second to get the gas back on. Tears staining my face… Just end it already.

                                                                                    -Robin


January 24, 1947

I fear it's too late. He has gotten so close and I have gotten so tired… I give up. He's here closer. His darkness will kill us all. He lives in the shadows killing his prey one by one. Just waiting for the scream… I've fought so hard for the chamber. But I think it’s best I stop fighting it. For, I'll die either way. I finally understand what they mean. “For the life of another the death of many” It's a sacrifice. They've killed us off. Those sick bastards. I wanted to live. To have a family. I had a whole fantasy. But this… Living hell. I won't play their game. This is what I get for hurting my sweet mother. I stop biting. Letting the darkness consume me.

                                                                                    -Robin  


Scientist tape-

“All participants went insane and died… We regret this lab… Did these young souls deserve to die?.”

                                                                                          Yes. 

 

A demented darkness lives inside of all of us… Slowly gnawing at you. The sooner you let go… The sooner it's over… 


The author's comments:

This piece is based on the myth of the Russian sleep experiment. A true piece showing how it feels to go crazy... How too lose faith..


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