bite marks | Teen Ink

bite marks

September 10, 2009
By Lamont Ayers BRONZE, Sevren, Maryland
Lamont Ayers BRONZE, Sevren, Maryland
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

I woke up from a terrible nightemare with a severe hurt on the side of my neck. I looked into the mirror after rushing out of bed to find two trails of blood dripping from my neck,and also two bite marks plunged into my neck.All of sudden my head was trobbing with pain and hurt.What was happining to me i tried to ask myself as the pain increased and my body insintly got colder.I tried to crawl back into bed, when i heard a sinister laugh. Iran down the stairs where i heard the laughter comming from and i saw a shadow fly across the wall. I only had one thought it was that i was dreaming.But deep in my mind i knew that i had just got bitten by a monster,A monster wich no one befriends...A vampire and know i knew i was one something i'd feared from birth

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This article has 9 comments.

AngelP GOLD said...
on Oct. 30 2011 at 6:38 pm
AngelP GOLD, Miami Beach, Florida
13 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday."

Please keep in mind that this is a constructive criticism.

The vocabulary is below average, the punctuation and grammar horrendous, the spelling under par, and your syntax could use a lot of work. Not to mention it is ridiculously short; I mean really, really short. Is it even a page in a word processor?

Then there are little things like word choice and sentence placement. It's not the worst story I've ever read, but it seems like you barely even tried...

I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful, and I'm definately not trying to make you give up on writing, but you need a lot of work, especially with the spelling and grammar.

That being said, vampire stories are a popular niche now-a-days. If you put your mind to it I'm sure you could make a good story.

on May. 7 2011 at 8:25 pm
BreakingInside BRONZE, Pinson, Alabama
4 articles 0 photos 29 comments
Love it!:)

on Mar. 22 2010 at 3:45 pm
Lamont Ayers BRONZE, Sevren, Maryland
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments
yes i love vampire stories

Wasda BRONZE said...
on Feb. 23 2010 at 9:23 pm
Wasda BRONZE, Cave Creek, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 36 comments
very good. i was wondering do you like vampire storys Lamont.

on Dec. 15 2009 at 5:06 pm
dragonfan SILVER, Arcidia, Indiana
9 articles 1 photo 213 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Death truly makes an artist"

this is cool!

spiderman said...
on Sep. 29 2009 at 2:20 pm
its very interesting work on spelling

Tybalt SILVER said...
on Sep. 22 2009 at 6:58 pm
Tybalt SILVER, Coral Springs, Florida
5 articles 0 photos 32 comments
good job... *throws holy water on the comp.*

on Sep. 21 2009 at 7:45 pm
Lamont Ayers BRONZE, Sevren, Maryland
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments
than you i am going to make a part two and i look forward to reading your stories too

on Sep. 19 2009 at 3:15 pm
brenda15 BRONZE, Denver, Colorado
2 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
you wont go anywhere unless you try. anything is possible.

i luv this!!!