The First Breath after a coma | Teen Ink

The First Breath after a coma

April 24, 2014
By Dante_Aleman GOLD, Torrington, Wyoming
Dante_Aleman GOLD, Torrington, Wyoming
12 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Just do you and let the rest blow past you


The sun rises illuminating a purple lake just at the base of a tall mountain. The geese fly in a W formation through the bright blue sky as Tom steps out of his house made of marble and glass. Tom looks off to the peak of the mountain to see the sun almost shining through it as he smiles knowing it’s another day in paradise. Tom steps out into the green grass below him, the sun light hitting the morning dew sending twinkles of light into his vision. He steps onto the grass and can feel the blades crush under his weight leaving a cool wet feeling under his feet and between his toes. Tom then began to walk, he walked by fields of orange trees and canyons that seems endless; he walked over a bridge that took him over a bright red creek to a field of bright multi-colored flowers. As Tom walked through the flowers he could feel the pedals rubbing against his leg hair sending shivers up his spine from time to time but he didn’t mind it, he actually liked it. Past the flowers was Toms house again, he walked inside and scanned the living room as if for the first time like he always did for he knew that one day he could wake up and it would all be gone.

Tom wasn’t asleep, he wasn’t in bed, he was wasn’t day dreaming, Tom was in a coma, he had been in a coma for three years and over those years Tom had created a world inside his mind so that he could enjoy life even if it wasn’t real. To Tom though it was very real and even though he thought about his old life all the time he tried to enjoy his new life as best as he could. Every night Tom dreamt about his old life, his wife, his kids, his house, he remembered every detail but was only able to see his memories in his dreams.

One morning Tom was fishing on the bank of a green ocean, his line tugged and he pulled back with all his might, his muscles seeming like they would pop out of his arms at any moment. The slack increased and it became easier to pull whatever was on the end of the line out of the water, then like an explosion like a torpedo shooting out of the water was a giant shark made up of different colors; it leaped through the air, the sun reflecting off its smooth skin sending an array of colors onto the water. Tom; unaffected by the sudden change in mood opened his hands to catch the shark as it descended toward him. As it fell the shark began to shrink and landed in Tom’s hands the size of a small fish, Tom watched as life left the fish turning it into a solid block. Tom peeled back the fish’s skin to reveal its chocolate insides and took a bite; a loud crack pierced the calm air and drew Tom’s attention away from his snack. The sky had went from a beautiful blue to a dark grey as clouds filled the sky and lightning shot out striking next to him as if to intimidate him. The change in weather made Tom uneasy, it was always sunny in his world. A small opening formed in the clouds to reveal what looked like fluorescent lights. In the opening Tom could see lights and flowers, over the boom of thunder Tom could hear beeps that oddly corresponded to his heartbeat which was beating profusely. As if all at once all the pieces of the puzzles collided in Toms head and he realized that he had finally woken up.

Tom is in a hospital bed staring at the years’ worth of flowers and balloons that his worried family had brought while he lay in a coma. Some of the flowers had welted and died, their pedals laying scattered on the floor, but others looked as if they had been brought just recently. Tom is relieved to be back in his real world but knows he will miss the old. Tom closes his eyes and starts to take in a deep breathe, his first breath. In Toms mind he is back in his old world as the ground starts to tremble, Tom takes in everything he can for he knows it will be the last time he will ever see this world. He takes in the tall mountains just as they began to crumble, he takes in the trees as they shake and lose their bright orange leaves, he takes in the creek before it began drain. Tom looks off to the horizon just as a crack forms in the ground and begins to zig-zag through his world and right between his legs. Fire begins to explode out of the crack in the ground setting ablaze to everything that he has come to know over the years, Tom spreads his arms out and looks to the sky. Tom is crying but he is happy because he knows that he doesn’t need this world anymore for he is finally home.



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This article has 4 comments.


MalaikaJ GOLD said...
on Oct. 24 2014 at 5:27 pm
MalaikaJ GOLD, Cloquet, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions. - James Michener

This is a really cool and creative idea! I loved your imagery. I think you could expand on this if you wanted to, it's a really great short story. Good job!

on Oct. 17 2014 at 8:57 am
Dante_Aleman GOLD, Torrington, Wyoming
12 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Just do you and let the rest blow past you

Thanks you guys means a lot!

on Oct. 16 2014 at 8:27 pm
carissathestoryteller GOLD, Bremen, Georgia
14 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
Remember... that each child is a separate person. Yours forever, but never fully yours. She can never be all you wished or wanted or all you know she could be. But she will be a better human being if you can let her be herself. ~Stella Chess

I love the detail in the story. The way you described Tom's mental world was breathtaking. I was torn between wanting him to go home and wanting to see more of this amazing world. Great story!

on Oct. 15 2014 at 3:46 pm
CNBono17 SILVER, Rural, South Carolina
5 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
Lego ergo sum (Latin&mdash;I read, therefore, I am)<br /> The pen is mightier than the sword&mdash;unknown<br /> Don&#039;t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity&mdash;1 Timothy 4:12

Wow. It's good, and a profound look at the power of a human imagination. there were a few grammatical issues (past/present tense switch) but you're a fantastic writer and do a good job of painting an image in your reader's head. Keep it up:)