The wind picked up velocity and whirled through the hot summer day as Yazi was trekking in isolation through a forest, jubilant to finally have some time to himself. He didn’t know where he was going, but he was just in a buoyant mood to be alone, and it was a welcome escape from his crowded life replete with vexing coworkers, ribald civilians, and worst of all Him. But he didn’t want to think about any of that now, he just wanted to enjoy the scenery and the delightful zephyrs. So he kept walking along, noticing the iridescent sky and the frolicking animals. But the breeze kept picking up speed, and eventually became almost too much for Yazi. Seeking out a hollow to take shelter in or a hill to hide behind, he frantically ran through the forest. But it was in vain. The wind whisked him away and into the sky, surely meaning he would plummet to his death in a matter of minutes. He screamed.
And he opened his eyes.
“You’re awake!” came a voice from so close above him that he could feel the air like a strong summer gust. Like a gust capable of picking someone off their feet...
“Ewww that’s gross! Come on, Wei, you can’t keep doing that! And at least brush your teeth!” Yazi cried out angrily.
“Hey, I’m just making sure you’re sleeping fine! I need to check up on you!”
Yazi rolled his eyes and crawled out of bed, glancing at the clock reading 4:22: about three hours before he normally woke up. After he shooed Wei away from him, he dragged himself over to the bathroom, still peeling open his eyes and thinking about Wei.
Why is he here? I can’t even remember where he came from or what he said he was doing here.
Thoughts like these raced through his head throughout his long shower. During his reverie, he couldn’t come up with much about Wei. All he could ascertain was that Wei had lived with him for awhile, contributed nothing to his family, and stalked him religiously, almost never letting him out of his scrutinizing gaze. In fact, it surprised him that even his shower time was left to him. He loved showers for that reason, but all good things come to an end. And it did.
He stepped out of the shower and got changed, fully aware of the monstrosity waiting on the other side of the door. Upon assembling his outfit for the day’s adventures, he opened up the bathroom door, and Wei greeted him with a hearty smile and an enthusiastic greeting.
“Ready for work, Yazi?” Wei asked with near manic desire to know in his eyes.
A little put off by Wei’s obsessiveness, Yazi only grunted in response and started to descend the stairs. He soon heard running behind him as Wei struggled to catch up with Yazi after a head start. They went down in silence, but Yazi could still be sure that Wei was listening, watching, observing, and whatever else he could think of doing to bother him. They made it down to the breakfast table where Wei didn’t eat and stared at Yazi.
“Ya know, Wei, sometimes I think you’re just some kinda weird robot man who’s just here to watch me. I mean, I’ve never even seen you eat or sleep!” Yazi mentioned semi-seriously.
Wei starting laughing uncontrollably, and it was about a minute until he got a hold of himself. After recovering, he said with a pokerface, “No.”
And then they left.
Among the many things Yazi thought were bizarre about Wei, going to work was one of the weirdest. He didn’t work in the same building as Yazi, and just sat in a chair and stared with rapt attention. Why doesn’t he have a job? How does he make money? And it was one thing to do the obsessive following routine at home, but it was completely different to do it at work in front of all of his coworkers and his boss. It was humiliating.
Yazi was a chicken nugget salesman, and he liked his job. It wasn’t always lucrative, but he liked to interact with clients and it was usually exciting. The problem was, however, that it was challenging work, especially with some creepy potential sociopath hovering over the negotiations the whole time and the depression in the chicken nugget market. Mostly it was Wei, however. He never talked and only stared. And listened. That tended to scare some clients away. But today had to go well because it was Yazi’s biggest customer, and also one who wouldn’t be around for too much longer at the ripe age of 193. He nibbled on snacks, played around on his computer for awhile, and listened to Major Lazer, while waiting for his coworkers and boss to show up. Wei watched him the whole time with rapt attention, even when Yazi swept two opponents on Pokémon Showdown, a popular Pokémon battling site. With little time before the rest of the office came in, Yazi shut off the Pokémon and got to work on preparations for the big sale later. He fished out all documents he might need, all the numbers he might have to show, and was ready to go before anyone even entered the door.
“Yo, when are we leaving, Yazi?” questioned Wei.
“Well, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. It’ll be pretty boring,” Yazi said, trying desperately to convince Wei not to go and thereby boost the probability of success exponentially.
“No!” Wei said, practically shrieking. “I need to go! I need to be with you!”
If it were ever possible to feel such a strange mixture of emotions, it was at that very moment. Yazi felt greed in wanting to make the sale, pity for Wei who clearly had serious problems, anger at Wei for following him, and fear for his life around the obsessive Wei. But he saw no point in arguing.
“We’ll leave in 15 minutes after I talk to a few people,” Yazi mumbled.
In 15 minutes, after Yazi verified some logistics with the Head Honcho of the office, they went down to Yazi’s golden minivan and set out for Mr. Dongdong. The ride to his corporation was only about five minutes, and they again spent it in silence, with Wei just waiting and watching. He was always waiting and watching.
They made it shortly and went straight into the meeting, which started out very well. Yazi’s pitch went well and Mr. Dongdong seemed to be in a good mood.
“Listen Yazi. I like you. The deal is the canary’s tusk. The price is cheap and the goods are magnificent.” Mr. Dongdong had nothing but good things to say it seemed to Yazi.
“Great, so if you could just sign here,” Yazi said brandishing a paper and pen for Mr. Dongdong.
“Wait one second, you never let me finish. I’m just a tad bit freaked about by that funky sidekick of yours. What in the world is with him? He never speaks, he never blinks, and to be honest, I feel like he’s staring right into my soul. He’s the sorriest excuse for a wingman I’ve ever seen. If you know what’s good for you, my homie, I’d drop that boy and get another partner. For now, I’ve gotta bounce like a basketball and it’s a no.”
Though upset with Wei’s shenanigans during the meeting with Mr. Dongdong, Yazi concealed his feelings. If he had dealt with Wei’s repugnance for so long, he could keep it up. Plus he felt bad for the little guy, who seemed to not know any better but to follow, stare, and freak people out. A guy like that has to be pitied.
So, with understanding of the situation, Yazi discharged, “I don’t want you to think that was your fault, Wei. Just don’t worry about it. I have other customers.
Wei nodded and didn’t look too morose, but rather maintained his pokerface and kept watching Yazi.
They vamoosed, and didn’t mention the botched mission for the rest of the day. Even at home, it didn’t come up again and Wei seemed his usual self. Yazi went to bed in silence, knowing Wei would be there. Always there. Waiting and watching.
But then, when the sunlight surged through the parted curtains the following day, he wasn’t there. He wasn’t expelling hot air onto Yazi’s head. He wasn’t staring over him right into his very soul. He wasn’t standing on the end of his bed ready to jump on Yazi if he didn’t wake up. He was gone. And Yazi was scared.
“Wei? Where are you?” Yazi yelled out frightened. He may not have liked Wei, but he was worried for him. “I’m not mad at all I promise.”
But no one responded. Yazi was frightened, but he convinced himself it would be alright and tried to relax. He had the whole house to himself and wanted to enjoy it. Yazi grabbed some cereal and coffee and sat down in front of the TV to watch the news. He knew Wei would come home soon and it wouldn’t be a problem. He just knew it. But when the news came on, he really wasn’t worried about Wei and whatever he could be doing with his psychotic stare. He saw himself.
“This just in,” the reporter announced, “local businessman Yazi’s life story compliments of Wei. We have everything you could possibly want to know about the life of a chicken nugget salesman in our great city, and we’ll be telling you everything about him later. We have it all: secrets, relationships, hobbies and more. Tune in!”

The commercials switch on and blood rushed to Yazi’s head as he was filled with rage at Wei. A spy, and that’s all he had ever been. Yazi was going bananas that all of secrets would be spilled later. Not because he was a scofflaw or something, but because he deserved some privacy. In fact, there wasn’t much he valued over his privacy, and it would be all compromised thanks to a no good spying maniac. Yazi started to get up to go to the news station to set this right, but then he heard the news coming back on.
“First, just to peak your interest, an announcement about Yazi. His favorite underwear color is... pink! If you guessed it congrats! We have so many more juicy tidbits we’ll get to in just a second, so stay tuned!”
Yazi broke down crying, knowing that someone he had lived with for as long as he could remember was just a menace. He was the worst kind of criminal possible because he invaded Yazi’s privacy. What could be more dear to a person than their privacy?