I open my eyes to see the sunlight pouring through the window, and in that moment, all of the pain from the last four months doesn’t exist. I wish I could live in that moment forever, but reality soon sunk in and I knew what was ahead of me. It was another day where I pretend that I’m okay and put a smile on my face to fool those around me. My alarm clock read 8:30 am as the empty feeling I had forgotten in the night found it’s way back into my heart. My mother’s death had happened four months ago, but the pain was just barely stating to dull. I can still remember our last conversation like it was yesterday.

I stomped into her hospital room with a small problem that seemed colossal at the time.
“I never ask for anything and the one time I do, we can’t afford it! All we seem to pay for are your stupid hospital bills!” I exclaimed.
“I’m so sorry Prudence, but it’s not like I intended to be sick. You know that.” She comforted me, even after the horrible things I said.
“Gosh you don’t even care! I hate you!” I regretted it as soon as I said it, but like any other teenager, I wanted to have the last word.
While walking up the steps to the nursing home, I couldn’t fathom the fact that I didn’t know I had a grandfather until my mother’s wake. 
I’ve never liked the color black. It always reminded me of a moonless night, unable to see the light of day. The dark sea of people made their condolences, and expressed their deepest sorrows for my loss, but none of that made the heat in my veins dull. At that moment, I noticed an old man standing over my mother’s casket. A tear rolled down his cheek, while he mumbled, “Oh, my beautiful sunshine.”
I dragged my feet towards him and asked, “Who are you? Did you know my mother?” Unprepared for his response, he replied, “Prudence is that you? Wow, how much you’ve grown!”
“Do I know you?” I demanded.
“Eleana was my daughter,” he replied.
  As I opened the door, the smell of old people instantly soaked my clothes. I saw my grandfather across the hall. Still warming up to the thought of having a grandfather, I smiled and said, “Hi Pepe, how are you?”
He replied, “Swell, do you want to go for a walk and feed the ducks?”
“Sure, I could use the fresh air…” I answered curiously.
The ducks swarmed around the bread like girls at a Justin Bieber concert. I couldn’t look directly at my grandfather for very long because I could see so many similarities to my mother, especially in his eyes. He interrupted my daydream saying, “I know what you’ve been going through and there’s a way that you can stop this pain.” I stared at him, confused and waited for him to explain. He continued, “When I was in the army, a boy’s mother had passed away and he had no closure with her. Somehow, he found a way to travel to the other side and say his goodbyes. All I know is that he left, depressed, early in the morning when the fog was in the air and when he came back it was as if he was a new person with an entirely different attitude.”
Well I guess I know why I never met the guy, he’s crazy! I replied sarcastically, “Ok grandpa, whatever you say.”
He answered, offended saying, “What you don’t believe me? See for yourself! If you want to see your mother again, follow these directions.” He handed me an old diary that looked pretty legit, how could he fake this? He continued, “I wrote down everything that boy said that day and if you can see that certain veil of fog, you are meant to see your mother again.”
I was speechless, my grandfather was either telling me the truth and I will get to see my mother again, or he is just a crazy old man. But what if he is telling the truth? It would be amazing to see my mother one more time so that I can tell her how much I love her. Still skeptical I replied, “If you are messing with me…”
He cut me off, “I would never get your hopes up like this if I wasn’t sure, Prudence. I know you can’t live on with all this regret. Go home and get up early when there’s fog in the air. We’ll see each other again.”
I set my alarm to 5 am when I knew no one would be awake. I wouldn’t want any one to think I was a crazy person, staring at the nothingness of fog. Am I foolish for thinking this will actually work? I don’t want to get my hopes up, but a little faith wouldn’t hurt. I can’t live another day feeling as much regret as I do now. I know I didn’t kill my mother physically, but I know that my words hurt her so much mentally that she gave up fighting. If only she knew how much I loved her maybe she would have fought harder. But still, I went to bed feeling just a little less hopeless.
At first I was confused as to why my alarm was waking me up on a Sunday and then I realized what I had to do. I looked out the window and it was the foggiest morning I had ever seen, probably because I’m never up this early to witness it. I pulled on my rain boots, leggings, and a flannel trying to be presentable if the slight possibility of seeing my mom came true. I walked down the stairs to my front door trying to be as quite as the rain, struggling not to wake up my snoring dad. I always tried to hide my depression from him, but I know he could see it in my eyes. I could tell how wary he was about saying the right thing around me, trying hard not to mention her name. I’m longing for him to not feel obligated to do that around me, she was an amazing person who deserves to be reminisced about.
I managed to make my way outside without causing a ruckus. I opened my grandfather’s diary and read what he wrote from that day. As I was flipping through the empty pages towards the back of the diary, I came across an isolated sentence that was different from my grandfather’s handwriting. It read, “Beware! If you speak to your loved one on the other side, you will be stuck there forever!”  This conspicuous sentence stopped me right in my tracks. Why hadn’t grandpa told me this before? He must have never seen it. If that boy got back to the human plane, there must be a way for me to get back too. I pushed that problem aside for later and focused on getting to my mother. Truthfully, I didn’t care if I got stuck in some alternate world. I can’t keep living in this one if I feel this much regret.
I walked to my back yard where a thick sheet of fog was lining the forest. As I stepped towards the fog, it began to shimmer and reflect light into a million different rainbow colors. “No turning back now!” I said as I stepped right into the fog.
I was taken off guard as I found myself in the middle of an empty stadium at Sea World. My mother and I took a trip here when I was young and it was the best time we had ever had together. Before her sickness took a turn for the worst and the brief moments of clarity were all I had to cling to. I was confused as to why no one was there and that the tank below me was empty. Focused on not freaking out, I got out of my seat and walked to the exit. I strolled to the stingray tank, but there were no stingrays in sight. I made my way through every single habitat and there was not a soul in the whole place. Finally, I recognized a certain pathway to the penguin habitat. As a kid, penguins were my favorite so my mother and I spent hours here watching the penguins swim. I walked through the opening towards the penguins and I saw a woman staring there at a single penguin. I could recognize my mother from a mile away, thoughtfully gazing at the puffin.
All I wanted to do was say something to her but she beat me to it. “Prudence! You’re here!” she screamed as she wrapped her arms around me. Too soon she pulled away from me saying, “Don’t speak or else you’ll be stuck here with your boring mother forever!” It was hard to manage but I obeyed her wish. I didn’t realize I was balling my eyes out until she wiped my cheek and continued, “I know you didn’t mean what you said Prudence and I’m so very sorry for leaving you. I need you to stop blaming yourself for my death. There was nothing you or me could have done Prudence, it was out of our hands.” Her words washed away the pain the months of regret had caused. She continued, “You need to live your life without carrying around this regret! I just needed to see your beautiful face one last time before I could pass on. I love you Prudence, forever.”
My mother disappeared right in front of my eyes and I woke up in my back yard staring at the same sheet of fog I had just stepped through, feeling like a weight had been lifted off my chest.