Throughout my life I’ve seen all one would hope to see and experienced everything imaginable. Or so I thought. This is the story of my life, or maybe even my death.
The first Monday of the summer meant not a single reason to wake up before noon. Yet here I am, eyes wide open, my body unable to languish. I have no other option than to get up and begin my 3 month break from the unhabitable place we like to call school. Rolling over to check my phone, I notice the time on my clock, 8:30am, of course no one else would be awake at this time. I get out of bed and plan to take a shower hoping to waste time until my buddies would be up and ready to take on the challenge of the day on Call of Duty.
As I make my way to the bathroom I hear a knock at my door. I pause for a second debating whether or not I should answer, as I’m still in my worn out boxers that took the place of my fleece pajamas when the warm weather came around. Knowing my mom is already at work, and I’m the only one home, I stroll my way to the door, peering out the side window. To my surprise, no one is there, nothing but a small novel occupies the front stoop of my house.
Slowly I open the door and reach out to grab the book, it’s much heavier than one would expect a book this size to be. I carry it in and drop it on the table as I continue towards the shower. My first step into the shower and I feel the icy water pierce my skin. Mom forgot to pay the bill again, leaving me with two options; a cold shower, or a day sitting in my own night’s sweat. I levy for the sweaty day as I don't plan on being anywhere anyway. I put in the back of my head a reminder for mom to pay the bills.
I walk out into the kitchen to see the book, for lack of other options, I decided to read the book. Flipping open to a random page I begin to read.
“Ian had just got to his first day of preschool, when he realized he was still wearing his pajamas.”
I thought of my first day of preschool, stunningly similar to that of the character in this story.
“His mother had already driven off to her long day’s work at the local bar down the street.”
That’s where my mom works, down the street on the left side of my old, recently shutdown, preschool. I began to grow skeptical as the story went on, raising too many similarities to my own life for it to be a coincidence.
Consumed by the idea that this book would tell the story of my life, I skip to the back page, hoping to find the what my future had in store for me. Finding nothing but empty pages, I am hit with a feeling of disappointment and the realization that maybe life isn't all planned out for each person. I flip back to the beginning to find a table of context that split the book up in chapters of each year I lived, all the way up to my current age of 17.
My face flushed red as I realized this book held all of my life’s most embarrassing moments, forgotten by others, but surely to be brought back if the right pages were ever to be read. Turning to chapter 14, I scan through until I find the right page; my eighth grade graduation.
Briefly reading through the following passage, it all comes back to me. The hot gym, waiting for my name to be called, sitting on those ungodly metal chairs. Reliving the memory I can practically hear my name being called. I stand up, ready to walk up the stage. Before I can even take my first step I hear something being yelled from behind me. Repeated, this time loud enough for me to hear I can make out the words, “Look at his butt sweat!” I twist my upper body around enough to see a huge sweat stain on the butt of my pants. Before I can sit back down, my new name is yelled even louder than before, “Swamp Ass!” My face turns a new shade of red as I slam my body back down onto my chair, now I can feel the moisture on my legs. I refuse to move again until everyone’s name has been called, and the gym was nearly empty of the crowds.
Snapping back to reality, I tear the page out of the book, rip it into as many pieces as I possibly can and throw it into the trash.
Not a second later I find myself back in that gym. For real this time, and as I look down I see those same dress pants, before the ceremony. I haven’t even sat down yet. That doesn't stop the ceremony from beginning though. My mom shoos me over to my seat as she turns making her way over to the bleachers. Knowing very well what’s to come, I sit on the edge of my seat, constantly moving. Careful not to accumulate any sweat on myself or the chair.
My name is called just like in the memory, only this time when I stand up, nothing is yelled from behind me. I make my way up, grab my “diploma” and rush back to my seat before any other embarrassing things could happen. I made it. Nothing had gone wrong, and the feeling I had once felt on this very day was now gone.
Brought back to the present, I feel like a different guy. No longer the middle school joke. No longer nicknamed that horrible name. It’s like everything from that day disappeared and was rewritten. I flip back to the missing page in the book. Only now it isn't missing, it’s been replaced by the new memory in which I just created. That was the exact moment I realized, this book could change my life.
Looking at the clock I realize I’m late for my shift bussing tables at the bar. I run upstairs to get changed. With such a rush, I lose my balance on the way down the stairs and tumble down onto our newly carpeted floor. I think to myself how lucky I am that this wasn't a week earlier when the floor was still concrete, I may have very well split my head open.
Delayed for only a second, I continued my rush to find my shoes and be on my way to work. It only takes seven minutes to drive down the street, past the preschool, and into the parking lot of the local bar. I look at the time, pleased to see I am only a couple minutes late. I make my way in and get started clearing off the tables.
The idea of the book, just sitting at home on my bed, it’s driving me crazy. It couldn't actually have been real could it? Or was it? Perhaps the book was actually magical, brought to me to turn my life around, make it exactly what I know it could be. Overwhelmed by such power, I left work immediately, not even telling my mom I was leaving. I could worry about an excuse later, but for now I had to get back to that book and rebuild my life.
Making it home in record time of four minutes, I ran up to my room, opened the book and continued to flip through it. In that four minute car ride, I had remembered another terrible mistake in my life. This time was in highschool, my junior year, barely four months ago. Our whole class was taking the ACT for free. This was going to be the only option I had, as I couldn't afford the regular price. Of course I spent the whole night before studying. Staying up until 4:00 am preparing for that day’s test. However, when I got to my testing room that day, I couldn't help but close my eyes for a second while the teacher went over the directions. Let’s just say it was an hour and a half later that I woke up, finding that I had slept through the first half of the test.
When I found the page, I ripped it out immediately, and once again I was taken back to that day. Determined to stay awake this time, I stopped at the bar for a coffee that morning on my way to school. Another four hours went by when I had finally reached the end of the test.
When I returned to my bedroom, it was the present again, and I quickly turned on my computer to check my score online. This time I got a 26, as opposed to the previous 16 I got from missing half the test. Happy with my score, I decided to head back to work to tell my mom and finish my shift.
With the newly warm weather, I decided to walk back, giving me time to consider more of my past that could use some revision. Perhaps I could redo my whole freshman year in an attempt to raise my overall high school gpa. Of course that would take too long, a long with the fact that revisiting a whole year of my life would be undoubtedly mundane.  Just as I hear a yell, I look up to see a human sized pit bull charging toward me. Frightened I turn to run, but after one step I can feel the dog’s teeth grasp my ankle as I fall to the ground. I black out in fear, and as I awake I see the owner standing over me and I glance over to see the dog tied tightly to the light post. Still frazzled by what had just happened, I attempt to stand up and run. A sharp pain pierces back to my ankle, and I look down to see blood everywhere.
No more than six minutes later, the police and ambulance appear, apparently the owner had called while I was blacked out. The paramedics lift me cautiously and drop me on a wheelchair before bringing me into the back of th4e ambulance, and beginning the process of stitching.
My mom meets me at the hospital an hour later, furious with me for leaving work, but worried by the injury I had acquired on my way back.  Soon I am able to be brought home with my ankle wrapped and crutches to avoid walking on it. I stumble up to my room and lay on my bed. About to fall asleep, I remember the book. I reach under my pillow and pull it out to read. Before I can flip past the title page, I observe a small handwritten note in the corner of the page. Squinting to see, I finally am able to make out the words, “To change your past, you must forfeit your future”.
What could this possibly mean? I contemplate the meaning for quit some time before I finally fall asleep.
With an urgent burst of realization, I am awakened. All these close to death experiences; they are because of my attempt to change my past. Everything I change in the past brings me one step closer to death.
Hesitantly I lock the book away, knowing very well my adventure of revision is over. I can't help but continue to think though. All these things I could have altered; my first day of preschool without pants, my first detention, even my dad. I could have kept my dad from leaving, I could finally have him back in my life again. My mom would be happy and she could finally stop working at that run down bar, waiting for him to come back. That night I had a dream of what life would be like if my dad had never left; how happy my mom would be.
The next morning I knew what I had to do. I grabbed the key for my lock box, and opened the book one last time. The page opened right away, the one when my father left. Age ten, chapter 10, page 398. Slowly, I tear it out, preparing to return to that night.
I wake up, looking around I realize where I am. It’s my room, ten years ago that is. I remember this exact moment, and I know if I don't move now I will never be able to stop my dad from leaving. I jump out of bed and rush to the room down the hall where I know I’ll find my dad packing. My mom was working the night shift, and being a ten year old, I was already in bed. My dad knew this would be the perfect time to leave. I swing the door open with more force than I had intended. Startled, my dad turns around quickly, eyes wide when he sees me standing there. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights, and all I can think to do is cry.
Immediately he throws his clothes down and pulls me in for a hug. It was then that I knew, without him even needing to say it, he wouldn't be able to leave. My dad was a coward in a way, choosing to run when no one was there because he knew that if someone even tried to stop him, he wouldn't be able to do it.
I wake up the next morning back to my 17 year old self, however this time I’m in a new room, a new house. In fact everything around me is different. I call for my mom, but instead am welcomed by my slightly aged father. He tells me my mom has already left for work and that I’m going to be late for my interview at The Crow; a restaurant downtown. I had always wanted to work their, but mom wouldn't let me since it was so far and we only had one car.
Making my way down the unfamiliar stairs, my dad shouts my name. As I turn around, he throws me a set of keys I had never seen before. I walk out the front door, and awaiting me is a 2001 black honda civic, a car I had remembered seeing my dad drive away in the night he left. Now it is here, and I am driving it, ready for my new life to start.
As I wait for the red light to turn at the last intersection before the restaurant, a feeling of excitement fills my stomach. When the light turns green, I press the pedal down all the way,  eager to get there. Halfway through the intersection I hear a loud horn and as I turn my head to the right I see a semi, my eyes clench shut and not a second goes by before I feel the impact.
When I open my eyes, everything is dark and I can't feel my body. A sharp pain is shooting through my head, but I can't make out why. I reach my hand up to feel for a bruise, but I felt nothing, however when I pull my hand back, it is drenched in blood. I sat for a minute struggling to keep my eyes open before finally I couldn't do it anymore. I close my eyes leaving nothing but my hearing to keep my intact with the world. Slowly however my hearing drowns out as well and I can feel my heart slowing. With my last thought I remember the book laying on my bed, filled with my perfectly constructed life.  Eventually my heart gives out and I am left as nothing but a body just lying there waiting to be found and pronounced dead, bringing an abrupt ending to the book and leaving the last hundreds of pages empty.