If Aliens were to invade Earth, would we be prepared? Would we be able to take on technology far greater than our own and fight back…. No.. probably not. Luckily we have these three yahoos, who accidentally save the planet from destruction. Their story starts in a run down home outside of the city of Minneapolis, Mn. It was a normal Monday for the people of Earth, (freaking monday, It’s like the aliens knew that we hate monday) the sun was shining, there was a slight breeze in the air and everyone was heading off to work. From the inside of the house sat three men, Ryan Waters, William Werner, and Tyler Booth. All in their early twenties, these were no ordinary men, no, far from it in fact. These were three of the dumbest people that you will ever meet. Jobless and bored, they decided that they wanted to take a boating trip.

“What about here?” Ryan said, pointing at an upside down map of the Colorado plains. “Waves of grass means water right?”

“No I like here,” Will Countered, this time pointing at a map of the northern Minnesota Boundary Waters. “There’s actual water here.”

“Water’s good,” Tyler agreed.

Just then, If they had been turned around, they would have seen a massive spaceship fly over the city, shooting out a laser and blowing it up. The shock wave flew past their house, collapsing part of it and shattering all of their windows. Shards of glass and the sound of millions of dying people flew past them. Unfazed and unacknowledged, they kept looking for a site to spend their boat trip.

“Let's go to the water one!” Ryan said.

And with that intelligent scene, they were off, with nothing but the clothes on their back, their Jeep, and their canoe poorly tied to the top of it; Unbenounced to them, the ship that destroyed Minneapolis had sent out scout ships to pick off any remaining humans in the state.

As they drove away from the ruins that were once known as Minneapolis, they come across a pair of aliens, coming out of the tree on the side of the road, not that they were smart enough to realize it. The Jeep plows the first one over, unlatching the canoe, which swings down, still attached to one side, and smacks the other alien...and the boys keep driving with the canoe dangling from the side of their car.

“I think that I just hit a rock!” Ryan says, as he runs the windshield wipers over the alien guts covering the car.

“That was one big rock then,” Will said.
    Once the boys reached their destination, they parked the car and untangled their canoe.

    “Someone help me portage this over to the water,” Taylor asked, as he pulled the last straps off of the canoe.

    That might have just been the most intelligent thing that boy has ever said.
   
    As Taylor, with the help of Will, picked up the canoe and turned around to face the water, felt a “THUD!” as well as hear some leaves rustle. Taylor drops the canoe, pinning Will underneath it and looked at what he hit. Ryan also rushes over to get better look. There in front of the boys on the ground was an Alien, dead from the impact.

    “What’s that?” Ryan asks.
   
    “It looks like some kind of foreigner or Alien,” Taylor replied.

    “Maybe it’s just a Canadian,” Ryan retorted “They’re pretty foreign to me.”
   
    “Whelp so sorry Mr. Canadian, but we’ve a river to boat, hope you feel better,” Taylor told the dead Alien.

    “Ghert ths thng orf meh!” A struggling William asked.

    And with that, they set out on their trip...to somewhere I’m sure. Now, the area they were consisted of a multitude of lakes connected by small land strips, called portages. These require the passengers of the boat to get out and walk the boat to the next body of water. At this point in the invasion, the Aliens were everywhere, even the northern boundary waters that the boys were canoeing. On many of these portages, “accidents” happened and hidden Aliens were killed by the boys unnoticeably. Word had gotten back to the Mothership parked over Minneapolis about three human survivors that were murdering the Aliens with a strange floatation device. The order was sent out, and a bounty was placed on the boy’s head. The Aliens were to bring these murderers to the mothership at once.

    A massive shadow rode over the waves of the lake and passed over the small canoe.
   
“What in the heck is that” exclaimed Ryan. Looking up from the water.
   
    The Shadow lit up, and everything went dark.

    The three boys woke up in chains in a strange room. They look over in confusion as a side door opens, revealing two of the Aliens.

    “It’s those damn Canadians!” Yelled Taylor.

    “What is this place?” Questioned Will.
   
    “Erèm ed pihs el tes’c,” Said one of the Aliens.

    “Canada? I think he said Canada!” Exclaimed Ryan.

    “I don’t wanna be in Canada!” Taylor complained.

    “Adanac?” asked the second Alien?
   
“Ediputs tons sli” The first Alien said to the other.

With that exchange out of the way, the Aliens grabbed the three boys and dragged them out of the room.

“Wow Canada sucks more than I thought it would?” muttered Taylor, seeing all of the flashing lights and electronics of the Alien Mothership.

They were dragged into a big open room. In the middle of the room sat the Queen of the Aliens.

“Ah yes, the three humans who have been causing chaos to all of my scouts with this weapon of mass destruction” Said the Queen, pointing at an open door as two more aliens walked in carrying the Canoe.

“Our Canoe!” Give it back to us you big dumb canadian” yelled Ryan.

    “How come she can speak American good, while the others can’t” Taylor asked to no one in particular.

“Your Crimes against my people are punishable by death.” The Queen explained.  “Take them to the Incinerator”

“Boating is a crime in Canada?” asked William.

    The aliens start to drag the boys out of the room again when something happen, Ryan bit one of the aliens and made a mad dash towards the canoe, pushing away any aliens in his way

“Gross, Canadians don’t taste like Maple Syrup,” Muttered Ryan.

He picked up the canoe, spun around, smacking alien reinforcements, and ran back to his friends who had gotten free in similar, distasteful, actions. They ran through the corridors of the alien spaceship until they came into a massive circular room with a glowing orb floating in the middle. The orb sat over a big hole leading to the outside. The Boys sprinted to the hole and almost made it, except  Ryan tripped on his shoe laces and hucked the canoe forward into the glowing orb. The Canoe fazed through, but the damage was done. Red lights and sirens started flashing as the boys jump through the hole and landed in the canoe.

    They fell through the air for what felt like hours before crashing into the waters below.

    “Damn Canadians,” muttered Will “Make America great again.”

The Mothership above collapsed in on itself on exploded into nothingness. They had blown up an alien Star Wars style by throwing a canoe into the core. Our Heros, the saviors of Earth, rode the shockwave of the explosion into the sunset...and crashed into a tree.