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Shadow Girl
I stumbled quietly through the halls, keeping my eyes focused downward toward my worn-out sneakers. Kids brushed by me without a glance, though occasionally they would turn and whisper to their friends, but they were not my greatest concern. I glanced sidelong at the wall near the science hall and the library and quickly looked back down. Too late, she had seen me. My English teacher was always standing there staring at us, me in particular. She began to walk in my direction. I quickened my pace, only to run head first into Alice Tyran, one of the most intimidating girls in the 7th grade.
“Watch where you are walking, Shadow Girl,” she shoved me aside as she spit out the nickname that has followed me through the years.
Mumbling a silent apology, I tried to go around her, but my English teacher, Mrs. Taylor grabbed my arm. I struggled pitifully for a second, but quickly gave up. She towed me down the hall and into a deserted classroom; it was just my luck that she had 7th period off.
“Class, I have to get to class,” I muttered, my voice never was more than a barely audible whisper.
“I will speak with your teacher later, right now I wish to speak with you,” Mrs. Taylor always had a rather commanding tone.
My eyes stayed fixed on the ground until her painted red fingernail came into my view and lifted my chin up so that I was staring directly into her eyes.
“There is something going on with you, I have tried to speak with your parents, but can’t ever seem to get a hold of them, your other teachers as well. We all get the feeling that you are hiding something and now is your chance to come clean,” her tone was harsh, but she had good intentions. If only she knew the truth.
My head was spinning, lost in memories that had been so carefully ignored, pushed to the back of my mind in hopes they would one day be forgotten. Having them resurface so suddenly caught me off guard. After flashes of images, mixed with almost forgotten voices and oh so many tears, I was pulled back to the present. My hand reached up, brushing away the silent tears of a forgotten life.
I looked up into a pair of puzzled eyes and a thoughtful frown. A look of pity crossed her face.
“Eventually I will find out the truth, I only wish to hear it from you. Maybe another day, but one day soon, “ Mrs. Taylor opened the door, releasing me from that prison of ever so painful inquiry, back into the rush of kids. I was swept on down the hall to live another silent day of Shadow Girls life.
*************************************************************************************
Cowering in a corner, tears flowing freely down my scarred cheeks, I made my decision; I could not continue living this mockery of a life. Anything had to be better than this everlasting nightmare, this never ending cycle of hurt that I couldn’t escape. I crept quietly over to the window, pushed open the rusted latch, and watched it crumble to the floor. My heart clenched at the sight of the pile of broken pieces lying in an insignificant heap upon the scuffed up wood floor. I saw so much resemblance between them and me. I had started strong, flexible and hard to break, but over time neglect and disuse had rusted away my heart, and now I was breaking free leaving behind the pieces of my shattered life.
Outside the cold air whipped my hair around my head, sending a shiver of pain through me as it hit the bruises that were ever-present on my face. The pain sent a resolve through me where it grew like a well fueled fire. It filled me with an energy made stronger by my anger and pain that, for the time being, replaced the feeling of sore weariness. I touched my hand to the window pane for one last time, no longer would I watch the outside world, I was a part of it.
“Goodbye,” I muttered. Turning away I set off down the street, no longer filled with a cold, overpowering dread, but with a new resolve that from now on, Shadow Girl will be a shadow no more.
*************************************************************************************
The darkness pressed in around me as I skulked quietly down the street, glancing around me as I went. My heart was racing in anticipation; listening for the sound I knew was coming. There it was, in the distance, the ringing of sirens gradually grew louder. My feet sped up, no longer waiting for instructions from my brain, but operating on their own accord. I had to hide; I couldn’t let them drag me back to that forgotten life I’d left behind what felt like only minutes ago. The ringing was growing louder, soon the flashing lights would come and drag me back to the prison I had just escaped. I started running, racing against a past that would lead me to almost certain death, I just had to hold out, get out of my life.
Through the corner of my eye I saw a shadow of lights. There it was the shadow that I couldn’t escape. The shadow that was me. I froze, it was all over. The car pulled up and an officer stepped out, gently placed his hand on my shoulder and led me to the car. He kept assuring me, saying how worried everyone was, how “upset” my parents had been, but I knew better. The world slipped by the window as I stared out. Deep in my heart I knew this would be the last time I saw it, but I didn’t cry, the time for tears was passed. The officer deposited me in the arms of my “appreciative” mother, and then the door closed, like the gate on a cage. I was trapped.
Screams and yelling swirled around my head, filling my ears, and my heart. The pain came in bursts and the room began to swim before my eyes. I couldn’t really feel it any longer; I was almost immune to the pain by now. Something rammed into my face, it blocked my vision and lights began to appear on the back of my eye lids. I felt myself swaying and then the floor came up to my head. My breathes where coming in shallow gasps now, and each breathe became harder and harder to breathe in. I slowly began to slip out of me, I was like a shadow leaving my body behind, and then it all went black.
I felt like I was floating, drifting through nothingness, but I was peaceful. I felt like I was finally going home and for once, I was surrounded on all sides with a sense of unconditional love.
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