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It’s a complex vortex of nothing yet something.
While I sit here trying to figure out what exactly I’m feeling. What exactly I think I’m feeling.
Just something about you catches my eye and it drives me insane. I want to hold you, keep you. Just never let you go and I don’t exactly know why.
But it was impossible for me to physically keep you with me at all times. So I caged you in my mind. I took you everywhere in my thoughts. Sometimes it burdened me. Sometimes it helped me. But I still wanted you there. I want you here.
The times I saw you, sometimes I didn’t even know what I should be thinking. I just see you and that itself is enough. Your hair, eyes, smile, the way you carry yourself… It’s simply magnificent. You take my breath away. Literally and figuratively. You still do now as you sit in front of me.
There was a time I was so close to telling you the truth. Yes, the truth. Something I would never tell anyone else. I was so close. I don’t know if you noticed. I guess you didn’t.
Even if I did, you wouldn’t have believed me. You would've looked at me with disgust. After all, how could a lowly person like me even think to speak to such a goddess in such a manner? Maybe if I learned a romance language it’d be more okay… Sound more le elegante.
Or something like that.
But there was a time I did get to talk to you. Do you remember? We met at Starbucks. You were ordering a tall sweetened green tea latte thing. The way you spoke gave me the chills. I had a simple Americano. We ended up talking about some politics while waiting for the orders. I don’t remember much because I zoned out in my own bliss. Your voice… I wish I paid better attention though.
The rest of that day blurred. It was just a dose of paradise every minute. Every second. You were with me. That’s all I needed. The thought of you leaving me was just so… saddening. So horrifying. It broke my heart.
I couldn’t wait the next time I would get to see you. You gave me your number. I don’t think you can comprehend the joy I felt. Your number… It was mine. You were mine. Well, not yet.
We met up again a few times. Each time that same overwhelming moment of pure bliss. A whole episode of ecstasy. I loved you.
And I still do.
Even though you don’t move much now. In fact, you don’t at all anymore. Seventeen years later and you still look as you did when I first met you. Absolutely beautiful. Gorgeous. You’ve stayed faithfully with me. You will always be mine. You’ll never leave me.
Because I love you.