A very long day.

She was mad, it was something I had seen coming for a few days now.
Her face was unforgettable, she had a red color on her skin, her eyes; those blue peaceful eyes weren’t the same and I could see through those eyes a big scar in her soul. I was intimidated since the moment she came in. She was walking towards me looking directly into my eyes, I was paralyze and suddenly; the whole world stopped, there was no sound. If a feather would have fell down you would have been able to hear it.
It was only me, her and her hand on my face. For a moment I thought she was crazy, I was confused and amazed. But then I saw how selfish I was by thinking that she was crazy because it was understandable, I just had broken her hart.
I never thought that a bunch of words were able to harm an innocent human.
How was I suppose to know that these words would have waken up an unbeatable fire in her heart.

She put her hand down very gently, just like a feather would touch the ground.
She looked deeply through my eyes and then a tear fell down from her eye. It was only one drop, but that drop showed me how tired, angry and disappointed she was. Her weakness and tiredness made her to have the need to sit down. We walked towards a park, it was fool of benches and trees but the day was very cloudy and with lots of wind.
I helped her get down to the bench but she didn’t want my help so I stopped and she did it all by herself.
I sat right next to her, but she didn’t look. I grabbed her weak hand that was laying on her lap, and just then I heard a sound.
It was a minuscule sound, almost impossible to hear so I asked if she could speak louder. So she repeated with a broken voice “why did you do it?”
I didn’t have an answer; I think there is no answer for that question. I think that my shameful silence was enough of an answer for her.

After a few moments she turned to me, but I didn’t have the strength to look, I had too much shame on my self, the regret was eating my soul. My hands were sweaty, I was so much cold on the out side but I was burning in the inside.
Suddenly I felt her lips on my ear and she said in a soft whisper: I am sorry, but I can’t forgive you….
Everything turned black and white, I was freezing, a long tear fell from my eye.
I felt as it an elephant was stepping on my chest! I couldn’t breathe and my sweaty hand dropped to the bench. I stood some minutes there motionless but when I turned she was already gone.
I sat in the old wooden chair for 2 hours more, probably the longest hours of my life.

I knew I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but I didn’t have anyone else in the world. I just wanted a shoulder where I could cry on or someone that could give me an advice when I needed it the most. I understood that she was heart broken, and I was the only guilty one to blame on, but I couldn’t believe how my best friend, my companion, my mother was so wounded that she wouldn’t be able to look me in my eyes.
I’ve always believe in the unconditional love that a mother have to her child, but I think I reached the limit and this time I was over the line.
I graved all my stuff from the bench and walked back to my apartment. It was only five blocks away but it felt like eternity. As I started to walk back home and the rain began to drop. I was getting all wet, but the thing is I didn’t care any more, I really thought about the rain cleaning away my sins, but it didn’t worked at all. I just felt more miserable and depressed than ever.

So instead of walking back to home, I decided to turn around and go to a bar.
You see I am not much of a drinker, actually I hate to get drunk, it gives me headaches and I usually end up doing something very stupid. But I thing I was in the mood for drinking.