The Girl in the Rain | Teen Ink

The Girl in the Rain

March 1, 2014
By Dreamer29 SILVER, Atlanta, Georgia
Dreamer29 SILVER, Atlanta, Georgia
5 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
ew, people


The thunder rumbled violently in the distance as the rain outside of the house grew stronger. I could hear the sound of the rain rushing through the gutters and the rhythmic tapping of it on the roof. It was perfect reading weather. I curled my toes up under my plaid pajama pants and pushed my coffee cup closer to my side for its warmth. The tall, muscular, blonde haired man I got to call mine was lying on our plush brown couch watching his favorite TV show on his tablet. From the other room our lab, Cooper, started barking and spazzing out.
“Cooper, hush!” William demanded. Cooper was running back and forth from the front door, down the hallway into the guest bedroom. I closed my book and got up to get him. William blew a kiss my way and I rolled my eyes playfully at his laziness. In the white and light green guest bedroom Cooper was standing with his ears as stiff as a board, tail tucked between his rear legs looking out of the floor to ceiling window. Across the street from our house was a green field with trees that got thicker the farther away from the house they got. On that field were three deer the color of cardboard with little white streaks on the underside of their tails.
“It’s just deer silly.” I muttered at Cooper. I pushed his golden head to the side as I turned to go when he let out a deep, wet growl. A young girl, no older than nine, was walking down the field from left to right. Her wispy white hair blew around her shoulders and her pale, uncovered arms in the wind. Where was her jacket? All she was wearing was a short sleeved t-shirt and long jeans. I couldn’t see her feet very clearly, but I was almost positive she was barefoot. I knew all of the neighborhood children and she was not one of them which just made me question where in the hell she had come from.
“William!” I called. He came up behind me and put his arm around my side comfortingly. Will asked what was wrong.
“Do you see that girl? She is walking out there.” I pointed. William peered out of the window, but shook his head.
“What are you talking about? No one is out there.” He questioned like I was a child. I pushed the blinds apart and pointed at her. She was now a few feet away from the deer. Her whole body turned slowly towards our neighboring house. Suddenly, large oak trees only a few hundred feet away from us came out of the ground twisting and bending as their roots struggled to get free. The trees came crashing down around her smashing the ground and disturbing the grass with upturned roots. I let out a cry from the roar of the crashing. William looked upon my helpless form as I sank to the floor.
“Ann!” He cried. The girl walked around the trees towards the street. Two bright headlights shone around the bend in the road. The car was going to hit her. I had to stop her. I pushed myself up, brushed past William, and threw the front door open. She was not looking and the car did not appear to see her either. Before I could register what was happening, I heard William screaming my name, I felt cold flesh against my body, and I was face to face with wet grass. When I looked down at my arms I saw her leaning into my body with tears on her porcelain cheeks. Her eyes were tinted bright blue.
“Annabeth!” William yelled. I ignored him.
“You shouldn’t have done that. I wouldn’t have died anyway.” She whispered to me. Her body faded away; my arms started to get feel less weight on them. Then I suddenly knew her. Her memories filled my head as if they were my own and I could see her past through her eyes.
“Rylee, you don’t have to leave.” I breathed, but she was gone. I felt numb. In the distance William and the driver of the car were arguing with each other. All that I could do was stare at the space she had filled.
“Come back. I can help you…” I whispered to the air.



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This article has 5 comments.


on Jun. 30 2015 at 12:25 am
Gwendolyn_ BRONZE, Indianapolis, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look what you have done. Listen! your brothers blood cries out to me from the ground!" -God

"Never let your schooling interfere with your education." -Mark Twain

"All the drugs in the world will never save us from ourselves" -Marilyn Manson

I love it!! Keep writing please! I think this has potential to go onto an amazing series

Beila BRONZE said...
on Mar. 4 2015 at 3:08 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Aww, thanks! Same to you. :) I have, like, a dozen more nearly-ready for submission pieces. I just can't seem to find the time to finalize them between AP classes, group projects, and life! I'd love to know what you think when I do get stuff published! Right now, I am pessimisstically settig my deadline in May. Hopefully, something will go up in April!

on Mar. 3 2015 at 6:49 pm
Dreamer29 SILVER, Atlanta, Georgia
5 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
ew, people

Of course! =) please feel free to comment anytime! you seem to be pretty awesome haha so I will definitely keep up with your work!

Beila BRONZE said...
on Feb. 28 2015 at 11:27 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Wow, it's so cool to hear you say that (through the screen :P) because I absolutely felt the same way. As I read Valerie's voice, I really fell in love with Nick in a terrifying, beautiful way. The moment where she described how he asked her out in his idiosyncratic, Romeo and Juliet way, I felt like my heart was just torn to shreds because I loved the person he was and detested the person he had become, and I think that really gave me a window into Valerie's heart. Anyway, I'm just excited to meet another person who was equally touched by the book. :) Thanks for sharing that!

on Feb. 26 2015 at 7:08 pm
Dreamer29 SILVER, Atlanta, Georgia
5 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
ew, people

First of all, thank you SO much for your comment! I am glad that you liked it, I really tried to incorporate more show after the comments in 'Survive' and this piece was something that I had written and re-written so many times! About 'Hate List', it also made me ball and just tore me apart. I absolutely loved it though and put it as one of my top five, out of so many books, because I understood where Valerie and Nick were coming from with hating the people who picked on them (although I could never imagine killing someone) and I love Valerie's part of the story where she is living with this situation of how her love killed her peers, himself, and shot her. As much as it kills me a little on the inside, I love the story

Beila BRONZE said...
on Feb. 25 2015 at 10:47 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Wow, this story is a great mark of improvement from "Survive." I read that one and was a little disappointed because, like the other person who commented, I felt that there could have been so much more description and showing instead of telling! This piece has so much more of that. In particular, the opening of the story, the details about pulling her coffee closer for warmth, and the focus on "in the moment" really created a great feel for the start. I like that the dog was an important character, too- clever twist. I'm definitely left wanting to know who this girl was and what has become of her! I want Part 2! On a totally unrelated note, I see that 'Hate List' is in your top five books. I don't know if I've ever met anyone else who has read that book. When I read 'Hate List,' it gutted me and it made me cry for hours, and it turned me completely inside out. That book shattered my previous perception of teen suicide and completely changed my life. I'm curious... why have you put the book in your top five?