I walked out of my house and down the stairs; the street was wet but I didn't really care. As I lay on the pavement I could feel my hair sticking to it; it was chilly and had just rained but it was my favorite thinking spot. The clouds were gray and the sky surrounding them even grayer; it seemed like the dark sky was the only comfort I could find. My mind usually ran faster than I could keep track of and I always found myself struggling to find ways to slow it down and find inner peace. I layed in the street and stared at the clouds, until I heard the neighborhood police officer walking towards me. He was always wondering where I was, where I was going, and what I was doing. I became more and more frustrated the closer he walked towards me.
“Hey you!” he shouted at me.
“Yes officer?” I replied.
“Why are you out so late, and what are you doing sitting in the middle of the street?”
I looked at my phone and noticed how late it was. “I’m usually out this late and I just felt like the street needed my company.”
“No need to get smart with me. No young lady like you should be out at this time of night.”
“If it really bothers you that much that I’m laying in the street you could've just said so,” I replied even more annoyed than I already was.
“Fine, get up and move Emily!”
“I knew you remembered my name!”
“Well would you like a ride home?”
“No thanks, I can take care of myself.”
“Okay, have a nice evening Emily,” he said sarcastically.
I rolled my eyes and mumbled under my breath, “Yeah yeah, don't run over anybody else with your blabbering tonight.” I briskly walked back to my house just incase he came up with another excuse to talk to me.
As I said he was always on my butt about things, and he always brought up things that I had gotten in trouble for in the past. I hopped fences to get to certain spots that I liked to write and think at, I broke into the school library, but hey I had good intentions and it’s not like I was wrong for having good intentions.I always had trouble making up my mind, things always seemed confusing and life had never made much sense to me. My mind constantly raced, and  I would say things and people could never seem to make sense of them. But in my mind they made sense, and I just thought of it as me having a higher and more imaginative way of seeing things that others didn't.

My parents divorced when I was nine years old. I understood clearly everything that was going on; my sister who was one year old at the time, did not and neither did my parents. They were always finding things to argue about, from how much we spent on groceries to how many female behinds my Dad looked at when we went out to dinner. Although they made some beautiful children, my Dad made the mistake of looking at too many women that weren't my Mother, and my Mother made the mistake of expecting way too much from a man who fondled packages at the post office instead of her. However, one thing I didn't know was how many women my Dad slept with during their marriage, but my Mother knew she walked in on him one afternoon. They got divorced awhile later, and a few months after, my Mom met John who is now my stepfather. It was nice to have a father figure who actually acknowledged my presence. Over the years I had developed a close relationship with him and began to call him Dad, and so had Ana. He was always there; but it often frustrated me when he tried to discipline us his way because I was used to being in charge when my Mom couldn't be. Although he often irritated me I learned that I needed to accept the irritation, and that I was blessed to have him in my life.
I got home and walked anxiously up the stairs. I took my shoes off and kicked them onto the floor. Just as I got settled at my desk my Mom called me from downstairs. I figured it was just for dinner so I ignored her and continued doing what I was doing as I always did. “Emily Grace get down here right now!” She never called me by my middle name so at this point I knew something was up. I raced down the stairs and into the dining room to find everyone already sitting at the dinner table and the table set. My mother proceeded to pass the mashed potatoes around the table and say, “Are you having another problem with Bob?”
“What?” I said confused. She knew about my problems with the police officer but I didn't know she knew what his name was or how she figured out he was bothering me again.
“I saw him park at the end of our street and I knew you were out there throwing a fit again.” She put down her fork and the whole table got quiet for a minute.
“Mom stay out of my business!”
“Emily, I’m your mother. Everything you do is my business!”
I hated when she did this. She acted like it wasn't my decision where I wanted to lay and think and that it was my fault Bob was following me. I got up and left the dinner table and my dinner sitting there even though I was starving. I got to my room and pulled out my journal, dated the page and began to pour out all of my thoughts. I’d kept this journal and written in it every time I got upset, and that was quite often. The pages were starting to get old and flimsy and my previous journal entries became faded. I felt as if when it rained it was like the sky crying, and drop after drop it flead streets and made puddles of sadness and anger that I always stepped in. When the rain hit my window it was my favorite sound; it comforted me and made me feel as if it cried the tears of anger so that I didn't have to. I drifted off into my journal and ended up falling asleep.
I woke up the next morning; struggled to get dressed and get ready and then walked out the front door to the car. I opened the door abruptly and Ana and my Mom were already waiting. I could tell my Mom was still irritated but I really didn't care. I put my headphones in and blocked them both out. My Mother sped down the wet road, making sharp turns until we got to Ana’s school. Ana got out of the car and my Mom pulled my headphones out of my ears. “You're always ignoring your problems like you think they really are going to get solved that way”
“Are you fucking kidding me Mother!”
“Emily you need to calm down and lose the attitude I’m so tired of it.” I ignored her the rest of the way to my school. We arrived and she parked the car, she always dropped me off at the front doors of my school. She never parked and came in with me, what was going on? She swiftly walked and grabbed my arm and dragged me through the parking lot. I saw Bob through the window at the front doors and tried my hardest not to look at him as I walked by, but my Mother had another idea. She stopped and talked to him and I continued walking to class. What was she doing talking to him? Why was she embarrassing me?
I went through the whole school day not knowing what my Mother said to him or what was going on. The school day always went by slow and I typically did everything in my power to avoid any human contact at all. I walked in the hallways like nobody existed, just as I wished; for none of them to exist. The school bell finally rang and my last class was over when I looked down at my phone and got a text from my mom. Come home immediately from school, we need to talk shits going to hit the fan. My mouth dropped all the way down to my feet, maybe a little farther. I got on to the bus, it reeked of dirty feet and wet dog. At this point I wasn't sure what made me more sick, the smell or the fact that my mother talked to Bob. I stared out the window the whole bus ride home and I was definitely not looking forward to seeing my mother when I arrived at home. The bus finally halted to a stop at my house and both my mom and my stepfather were home. My nausea grew, my mouth began to water , and a tingly sensation that I always got when I knew I was going to be in trouble soon washed over me. I walked through the door and raced up to my room without saying one word to either of them. I turned on my favorite band, put my headphones in my ears and attempted to block out any sound that could be coming from any of my displeasing family members. As two hours passed my
stomach began to growl and I wondered when dinner was. I got up and went down to the dinner table.
“Mom?”
“What Em,” she said with anger in her voice.
“You said we needed to talk?” My mother pulled her hair up and I could see the frustration in her face.
“Sit at the dinner table please.” Ana and I sat and nervously put food on our plates.
“Me and John talked and were going to go down to the police office after dinner to talk to them about your problem with Bob.” Ana began to burst into tears. Nothing else was said at the dinner table and after we were done eating my parents left the dishes for me and Ana. They left and I heard the car wheels peel out of the driveway.
“Em, Bob has been following me around everywhere for the last two months, you know that right?” I dropped a dish and it hit the bottom of the kitchen sink with a loud thud, and I turned off the water.
“What? I didnt know that!” I was so frustrated. He was bothering me and being nosey but now he was following my sister too? I finished the dishes and Ana went to her room. I sat in the living room on the couch waiting for my parents to get home. Thirty minutes went by, and then an hour, then two hours. Finally I heard the car door slam, and Ana came running down the stairs. My parents walked through the door and they both looked upset.
“Bob won't be bothering you girls anymore, you have a restraining order against him. You're not the only girls he’s been stalking.”
I angrily said, “Jesus Christ mother you could have just left it alone you know, you always make such a huge deal about every single thing.”
The next morning my mother woke me up and proposed that I go to the doctor. I waited in the waiting room with my headphones in my ears hoping that City and Colour could cure my fear of the doctor’s office. Doctor Ray came out and lead me and my mom into the room. He asked me questions and performed a series of tests. “You are going to have an x-ray of your brain, and lots more tests. I’m sorry it may take up to 5 months for us to determine your results,” He said.
“Why am I taking all of theses tests exactly?” I stuttered confused .
“To determine if you are schizophrenic,”  he replied. And said nothing else.
We left the doctor’s office and as soon as we got home I ran the opposite direction of my house. My mother didn't bother running after me because she already knew where I was going, to the neighborhood park. My shoes covered in mud, I pulled my hood over my head and sat on the park bench. I sat and thought and listened to music to try and clear my mind of nonsense. I couldn't believe what was happening; was it true? Could I be schizophrenic? I sat there for about an hour and a half and then walked home. When I got home I climbed into bed.
The next five months seemed to pass by in a blink of an eye. When one day out of the blue I got a text from my Mother, Your results came back. My heart sank into my stomach, and the whole rest of the school day I couldn't breathe. A million thoughts raced through my head. I was nuts, even if I didn't know the test results she must have believed that there is something wrong with me or she wouldn't have insisted that I went to the doctors.
“The results are positive Emily, you are schizophrenic.” As I heard those words come out of my mother's mouth like knives stabbing me in the stomach I got super upset. I didn't know what would happen next but I certainly knew that it wasn't going to be a good thing.
Over the next year I began going to see a counselor every week, five times a week. I also began taking Trilafon. My mother also began forcing me to go to support groups. I began to realize that the reason why Bob was following me was to help me and watch out for me, but did that give him an excuse to stalk me or the hundred other girls? Bob was sentenced to seven years in prison, 5 years probation. He was also fired from his job. I’m getting better. I still have an urge to do things I shouldn't and go to thinking spots I shouldn't but I'm healing.  My mind, my body, my family were all healing from this experience, and I have secretly been visiting Bob in prison.