It is a calm, peaceful morning in October. The sun is beginning to rise and I take my usual morning stroll to the ocean. Today would’ve been like any other day. But this time, I see a teenage girl on a cliff in the distance taking baby steps towards the edge. I rush towards her with anxiety. Please don’t jump. Please don’t jump. After a few seconds, the woman falls to her knees and starts weeping. I breathe a sigh of relief.

I approach her with caution. “Hey,” I murmur. She turns around in shock and, moments later, starts crying again. I sit on the rocks beside her. “What’s wrong?” I question.

“I can’t do it. I just can’t do it,” she cries out. I sit next to her and pat her back like a mother.

“It’ll be okay,” I say.

“How can everything be okay? Nothing has been going right for me. My parents don’t acknowledge my existence. They told me I’m a disappointment and that they expected more from me. Now all the attention goes to my younger brother. It’s like they gave up on me. I also found out my boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend, cheated on me. I thought he would understand me, but it turns out he's just like everyone else. My friends don’t care that I’m this way. They say I’m just doing it for attention. At this point, I just feel so alone and miserable and there’s no solution to it. I am trapped and this feels like my only way out.”

“Does it feel that way?” I say looking out into the ocean. She nods. “It seems like you are still hesitant on dying. Why is that?” I question.

“I don’t know. I guess I felt scared. I kept telling myself to do it, but I chickened out last minute.”

“It seems as though you still want to live.”

“Trust me I don’t. Everyone would be better off without me.” she replies in a flash.

“If your wish is to perish from this world, you would’ve jumped off without any hesitation.” She looks at me. Her expression is all over the place. I see confusion, sadness, and helplessness. It grows silent.

“Let me tell you a story,” I finally spoke.

“About what?” she asks in a shaky voice.

“About an experience that completely changed my life.”

It was five years ago on a quiet morning in October. Fall had taken full effect in Japan. The sun was rising and there was a calm breeze blowing. The scenery was dull. Red, yellow, orange surrounded the area. All these vibrant colors would seem appealing to one’s eye. Not to me.  I was driving in my old silver Toyota while looking out the window. Why is everything so gray? Even the sun seemed black. I thought that maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all and I should just drop everything. No, my gut was telling me it had to be today. There was no turning back now.

I arrived at my destination, Aokigahara, also known as Suicide Forest. It was dim and cold when I stepped out of my car. I didn’t care. I walked into the ocean of green dragging a long strand of white rope behind me. I didn't bother looking at the signs telling me to rethink my decisions and to think of my family and get help. Family? My parents abandoned me when I was a child. The family I have now treats me like maid and abuses me whenever they get the chance. A suicide hotline? What kind of help could that possibly provide me? Tell me that life is valuable? That I mean something? That someone out there cares about me? I’ve heard it all before. All lies.

The forest was dense, shutting out all but the natural sounds of the forest itself. It was gloomy as well. I immediately felt all the hair on my body stick up as I was walking deeper and deeper into the forest. Once I thought I was deep enough into the forest, I strayed from the official trails and into the unknown. My intention was to succumb to the forest. I didn’t want anyone to find me. I wanted to leave this planet without a trace. At times, I felt a presence behind me causing me to turn around, only to find nothing there except a white light in the distance. There were no signs of wildlife at all. No sign of anything as a matter a fact. Everything was dead silent, to the point where my breathing sounded like yelling.

After hours of wandering, I found a steady tree with various branches sticking out. I tied the white rope, creating a noose and began climbing the tall structure. When I got high enough off the ground, I sat on a stable branch and tied a tight knot on the slim piece of bark. This is the moment I would decide my fate. I grabbed the noose with both hands, drawing my head closer and closer to the hole. I was hesitant, but there was no turning back. I put my head through the noose and let my body fall.

I struggled, grabbing the rope wrapped around my neck while kicking my feet. I was coughing and gagging. The pain was excruciating. My body tried so hard to cling onto life. It fought for air, oxygen, anything to keep me alive.
I saw my life flash before my eyes. All the memories, good and bad, went through my head like a movie leading up to this point. Is this what it feels like before people die? My vision was fading; my soul was being ripped from my body. Everything went black and the last thing I heard was a loud thump and the crunch of branches and leaves.

My eyes fluttered open after what seemed like an eternity. I was confused beyond belief. Was I dead? I sat up and my eyes wandered around the area. I don’t see a forest, so where am I? All I see is darkness. After looking around, I saw many figures appear and roaming around. The closest body I see is a slim boy with his back towards me with his head slightly tilted. I stood up from my place and walked towards the boy. As I move closer to him, I noticed he had a strange blue glow outlining his body. I continued moving and I was paralyzed with fear when he moved.

The boy turned around and asked in a faint voice, “What are you doing here?”

“I don’t know.” I trembled.

“You have the green glow around you.” he mumbled.

“What?” I asked. As he was walking towards me I saw that his neck wasn’t tilted, it was broken. He must’ve hung himself. I caught a glimpse of his pale face. His lips were chapped, his eyes were black voids of nothing, and his face was covered in dry blood splatters. “Where am I?” I asked the being.

“You’re in the spiritual realm of Aokigahara. This is where all the pitiful souls end up when they perish in the forest. You should have a blue glow around you, but you seem to have a green one around you.”

“Why do I have a green glow around me if I’m supposed to have a blue one?”  I asked while looking around. I noticed all the figures roaming around have a blue glow around them.

“Ah I understand now. There are two types of spirits that can enter this realm, the Shi spirits and the Midori spirits. The Shi spirits have a blue glow around them. The glow represents death in the human world. The Midori spirits have a green glow around them. The glow around these types of spirits means that their soul believes they died, but their body is still alive in the human world.”

“I thought my suicide attempt was successful.”

“You have the green glow around you so it wasn’t. My suicide attempt was successful, that's why you see the blue glow outlining my body.”

“Are Midori spirits rare?”

“No. I’ve seen many like you before, but only one Midori spirit can appear in this realm at a time.”

“I see. Is there any way out of this place?”

“You chose to end your life and now you want to go back? Hypocrites,” he spat.

“It’s not that. It’s just that I get a strange and eerie feeling when I’m here.”

“This whole realm’s existence is bizarre. Anyway, I don’t know a way out of this place. All the Midori spirits have eventually turned into Shi spirits.”

“Do you feel any pain right now?” he asked breaking the silence that grew between us.

“No. Why?”

“When you die in Aokigahara, the pain you feel at the moment of your death stays with you for eternity. I guess since you are not really dead, you don't feel anything. Right now, it’s difficult for me to communicate with you. I feel like I’m being strangled every second. I wish I didn’t choose to hang myself in this evil forest. My life has been 100 times worse in this hell hole than when I lived in the real world. I wanted to end my life countless times here, but suicide does not exist in this cursed realm. I have to deal with the agonizing torture and I just want this to all end. Maybe it can. Now that you’re here.”

I took a tiny step back. I feel thousands of eyes on me. "What do you mean?" I said looking around.

"You see, another spirit told me that when you inhabit a soul that's not physically dead yet, the pain will stop. I'll be able to return to the human world if I'm successful. I've been waiting for this chance since I got here. Now it's right in front of me." He took small steps towards me. I took big steps away from him. "You can't escape this realm. Just give me your soul and this will be painless. Maybe," he said with a chilling smile on his lips.

"I won't give up my soul to you. I refuse to have the same fate as you," I retorted.

"That's too bad. You seem like a nice girl. It's heartbreaking to know that a person like you will be stuck in this cold, dark place while I thrive in the human realm." He chortled in a sinful manner. I start sprinting. I have to get out of here, but how?
I ran around the black void and then the world around me starts melting. It changed from a black room to a dim forest. I don’t see the other spirits anymore. Is it just me against him?
“Let’s see how long you’ll last in this hell!” He screamed. 
I dash towards an opening in the trees and a rock appears out of nowhere causing me to trip and fall. I tried to get up, but he grabbed my legs and started dragging me. He dug his claw like hands into my legs.

“NO NO PLEASE LET ME GO! DON’T DO THIS!” I cried out.

“Oh but I will, but first, I’m going to have a little fun,” he laughed

I was clawing and scratching the ground like a wild animal. I found a tree trunk and held on to it.

“Stop being difficult and let go of the tree, you’re never going to escape from me or this world stupid girl.” he said
I wouldn’t let go, not when my life is on the line. I couldn’t let this sadistic being take over my soul and live in my life.

“I didn’t want to do this, but you leave me no other choice.” 
He stomped his feet and thousands of needles came out of the tree. I winced at the pain and instinctively let go. He continued dragging me and my hands were covered in blood. I continued screaming and kicking my legs.

“LET GO OF ME! PLEASE! JUST LET GO OF ME!” I cried out.

“You’ve been a disobedient girl. You should be punished.”
He pulled me up and grabbed me by my neck. Then he threw my entire body against a tree that was covered in thorns. I screeched in pain and fell to the ground like a doll. I heard his voice above my head.

“I’m guessing you’re feeling pain right now. Too bad it doesn’t stay with you. I wanted you to feel that excruciating pain for the rest of your sad existence. Just like I did,” He said as he kicked my skull.

At that point I felt like giving up. Like I should just accept my fate and be stuck in this world and let him have my life. Then I see a piece of wood at the corner of my eye. I used up all my energy to grab the wood and get up. Then I struck him in the head multiple times. For the first time in my life, I wanted to live. It’s amazing what people do to stay alive. You never know how much you want to live until your life is on the line.

Now, it was his turn to be the doll. He dropped to the ground like a rag doll. His skull was dented and a black substance leaked out of it.  I dropped the piece of wood and continue running. I hear his cold voice in the distance, “Dumb girl, I would’ve killed myself a long time ago if I had the ability to die.” There was a white light in the distance. I ran towards it with anxiety. To my dismay, it was a glowing white door. I tried opening the door, but it wouldn't budge. I attempted to look for ways around it. No way out. I was trapped. I felt a presence growing. He’s getting close. I turned around and saw his face, full of lacerations and blood. I see the dent in his head that I made earlier with the black substance dripping down his cheek.. I back up as much as I can to the glowing door believing it would protect me.

“Ah, I see you found the gate between the human world and the spiritual world. You’re the first one to discover it. I knew the way out all along, but I couldn’t let this opportunity pass. A chance to live again and be released from the pain. How could I ever say no to that? It’s too bad you don’t know how to open the door.”

As he closed the space between us, I closed my eyes, accepting my fate.  Is this what my life has come to? Am I going to be stuck in this dimension?

No, I will not be stuck here. I will survive. I open my eyes.
“I’m going to live whether you like it or not. You’re not going to return to the world using me! It’s not me who will be stuck here forever. It’s you!” I shouted.

“NO!” he screamed.

I felt gravity pulling my body down. The last thing I saw was the boy’s face roaring with his sharp, brown teeth showing . A white flash blinded me, causing everything around me to turn black and silent.

I gained consciousness once again and and sat up. I looked beside me and saw the broken branch, but the rope was still tied around my neck. My neck ached and when I tried to stand up I fell back down. I sat on the ground looking at my body. Cuts and bruises were visible on my legs and arms and I felt dry blood along the side of my head. I took the rope off my neck and decided to stand up despite the soreness in all my limbs. I kept trying to stand up, but I always fell back down. You’re going to live through this. You can do this. I tried one more time and finally stood up.

I walked all around the forest trying to find my way out. It was difficult since there wasn't much light in the area. I felt like I was walking in circles. I eventually see a white light and decide to just go towards it. To my surprise, I found the official trail and dragged my aching feet to the parking lot. I found my silver car and got into the driver's seat and closed my eyes.
When I woke up I decided to get help. I drove my car back to the city and found a therapist. The family I lived with was charged for child abuse and they found me a new family to live with.

I got a scar on my neck from hanging myself and I’m always reminded of that day when I look in the mirror. I never forgot the horrible feeling of being taken away and being stuck in a place worse than prison. It still traumatizes me to this day.
My new loving family checks up on me once in awhile to make sure I don’t do anything. I promised them I wouldn’t do such a thing ever again. Even though that day was horrific, it opened up my eyes and made me realize that the problems we face here aren’t so bad. Everything has a solution. Some take few days, some take years. The point is to live on and never give into our demons. There is always something to live for. Life has many unexpected gifts waiting for us.

“Wow that’s an incredible story, but it doesn’t seem true. How can there ever be a place like that?” she said with a frown.

“It’s alright, most people do find it bizarre,” I laugh. “It's up to you if you believe me or not. I tell my story to open people's eyes. Imagine you end your life, wind up in a place where your problems are 100 times worse than here on earth, and suicide does not exist. You have to deal with your problems without the option of suicide. Just like the boy stated. Suicide might be an option here on Earth, but after death you might not have an Easy Out option. Stay here and deal with life no matter how harsh it can get because after death there might not be a Easy Out button,” I say.

“I’ve never thought of it that way before. Ugh this is so confusing!” she says pulling at her hair.

“This kind of thing is never easy to think about. If you need someone, I’m always here to listen.”

“Can… can I be left alone? To think about things?”

“Of course, have a lovely day. Remember, I’m always here for you,” I say as I hugged her.

“Thank you,” she says in a faint voice.

I walked away, hoping my story had an impact on her. Hoping it would lead her in the right direction. I looked back and saw her petite figure sitting on the rocks with her hair blowing, while staring out into the ocean.