Thunder crackled and the eerie drops of the heavy rainfall surrounded the atmosphere with chill.

“Why are you here? How and why did grandma even let you in?” Niko furiously asked. She was a black-haired teenager with dull brown eyes and had light brown skin. Trying to graciously fall asleep on her warm and cozy bed, she was in her dark bedroom in the middle of the night. She couldn’t see anything except for Alma who had sparkling silver hair, radiant white skin and eyes glimmering so brightly like two lone starlight in the vast black sky.

Alma answered, “To speak.”

“Speak of what?” Niko asked.

“The right words. I’m here to say the proper words to explain what occurred,” Alma replied.

Niko was confused and tired. She thought, “One minute I was facing the wall trying to get some shuteye and the next minute, this selfish person who I used to know shows up to disturb me.” She wanted Alma out. Alma's presence blinds Niko.

Niko gave an exasperated sigh. “If you’re referring to that talk we had years ago with Rico, Jon, and Risti, then you are so late and this just proves how stubborn you clearly are.”

“Exulansis,” mumbled Alma.

“What?” asked Niko.

“The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because others can’t relate,” Alma explained, looking through Niko straight in the eye.

Niko rolled her eyes and turned her hands into a fist. She wanted to shout but she worried that she might wake up her mother and she didn’t want to disturb her grandma from watching late night shows, so she moderately spoke, “We tried to talk to you. We were there having a conversation and you just – “

Alma interrupted, “Anecdoche.”

Niko blurted, “Now what’s that supposed to mean, huh?”

Alma quavered, “A conversation where everybody is talking, but nobody is actually listening.”

Still trying her best to lower her voice, Niko raged, “You are spitting out vocabulary words! I already know you were the best in our English class. But this is not the time for you to give me a lecture about words! You said you’re here to explain things and you’re not doing it!”

Alma muttered, “Sometimes, I try to explain myself but how can I explain something I do not understand?”

Niko was running out of patience. “I clearly don’t have time for this,” said Niko as she tucked herself in, still facing Alma.

Alma locked her hands together in front of her and lowered her head. She looked peaceful and innocent, almost like a floating angel trying to guide its child. She tilted her head to the right and then to left slowly. Her hair flowed as if it was underwater. Her long white sleeveless dress reflected her snow-white skin.

Niko thought, “There’s that flattering ‘little girl’ image she puts on.” She yawned and her sleepy eyes blinked and blinked. “I don’t pity you. You can’t make me. You are out of my life. I tried to reach to you and so did Rico, Risti and Jon,” she proclaimed.

Alma lifted her head a little and exhaled, “Mauerbauertraurigkeit.”

Niko so badly wanted to yell at Alma. She wanted to scold the life out of Alma.

Alma, as calm as ever, murmured, “The inexplicable urge to push people away, even the close friends one really likes.”

Once Niko heard this, her sleepiness faded. What Alma is trying to imply still was blurry to her but what Alma recently said sparked her memory of that talk they had years ago with Rico, Risti, and Jon. She and Jon told Alma that they tried to reach out for her but Alma pushed them away. Still, Niko wasn’t feeling empathic. Alma still didn’t make any sense. Niko recalled how Alma was so frustrating during that talk they had.

Niko hissed, “You blamed us for your – your – I don’t even know what to call it! You made us the bad guys! You pictured us as the ones at fault!”

Niko accused Alma of changing into something they both don’t know anymore. Niko got up slightly to sit on her bed. Her blankets cover her legs and her hands were on top of her soft pillow.

Alma maintained in her position, just a few meters away from Niko’s bed.

“I never really understood myself. Have I changed or have I always been like this? Nodus tollens and altschmerz,” said Alma.

“What is with these confusing words?” asked Niko.

“They are the proper words to explain what I feel, which you always have neglected but hadn’t realized it. I tried to imply that you, along with Rico, Risti, and Jon, denied the validation of my feelings,” Alma replied with a quivering voice.

“I completely do not understand. Just leave me alone,” commanded Niko.

Alma spoke softly, “Nodus tollens refers to the realization that the plot of one’s life doesn’t make sense anymore and altschmerz is the weariness with the same issues - same boring flaws and anxieties that one has always had.”

Niko grunted, “Get out.”

Alma whispered, “You should know that I repeatedly had this conversation playing in my head for a long time. Jouska.”

Niko disregarded what Alma said. Niko is fueled with hatred towards Alma. Alma never spoke a word or made an appearance for years after the talk they had long ago. And now, Alma suddenly shows up out of the blue.

“You are not a part of my life anymore!” snarled Niko.

Alma uttered, “Monachopsis.”

“Ugh!” exclaimed Niko. “Stop it! Just stop! I don’t know what you mean!”

Alma explained, “The persistent and subtle feeling of being out of place.”

Niko asked, “What more words are you going to blurt out to me?”

Alma answered softly, “Just enough to express myself and to set things right.”

Niko objected, "You're not! You are making things even worse! You always do! Can’t you just lay it down with actual words? Just explain it thoroughly.”

Alma, looking at the carpet beneath her feet, said, “I always have. But so did you once, with Rico, Risti, and Jon.”

Niko barked, “What is wrong with you? Oh, I know! You’re being overdramatic! You overthink things and you look down on yourself too much. I don’t want this. You really changed. I’ve had enough.”

Alma took in a deep breath and exhaled. Slowly, she said, “Socha is the hidden vulnerability of others. Alazia is the fear that one can no longer change. Yu Yi is the desire to feel intensely again. Klexos is – “

“Stop being a know-it-all! You said one time that you are not a walking dictionary,” interrupted Niko.

Alma ignored her and continued on, “Klexos refers to the art of dwelling in the past. Lutalica means the part of your identity that doesn’t fit into categories. Liberosis is the desire to care less about things. Occhiolism is the awareness of the smallness of one’s perspective.”

Niko jeered, “Are you finally done? Are you satisfied yet? Are you finished with trying to explain yourself through senseless words.”

Alma replied, “These are enough.”

Niko then shook her head and said, “You barely did anything. Nothing made sense of what you said. Seriously, what is with you? With all of this?”

Alma then sighed, “Explanation is my part. Understanding is yours. If you still do not understand, I believe it is no longer my fault. There will always be misinterpretation, misunderstanding, and miscommunication.”

Niko protested, “That was trash! Everything is your fault! You burned the bridges! It was you! All of it was you!”

Alma replied, “I lived all my years blaming myself for the things I had done and even the things that I am not to be blamed for.  I lived with regret and fear. I gave my best to be… happy and content. But it never worked out. Nothing did.”

Niko almost fell to the pit of compassion but she taunted Alma instead. “That’s because you are so dense! I can’t believe I wasted my life being your friend. I tried to help you as a friend. But I couldn’t take it anymore, okay? I gave up long ago.”

The room fell silent. Alma wanted to cry, not because she was hurt by what Niko said, but for realizing that she once again tried to convey what is going on with her and failed. Niko was boiling with anger and Alma remained like a candlelight flickering.

Alma opened her mouth but nothing came out.

Niko scoffed, “I guess you have nothing else to say. But I have one more thing to say. Good luck with living your life.”

Alma flinched.

“Leave,” ordered Niko.

Alma mumbled, “I just realized. I don’t have a life. I had already left.”

Niko then lay down on her bed and covered herself with her thick blanket. Niko grumbled to herself, “This girl is straight out of a horror movie.”

Alma heard her and replied, “I’m not her anymore. Phantom.”

And with that, Alma closed her eyes and smiled.

Niko peeked out of her blanket and saw Alma was no longer there. Niko let out a sigh of relief and whispered to herself, “I could barely recognize her with that new hair color and pale skin. She seemed taller as well. And since when did she wear dresses?”

Morning came and the rain was still falling and was still loud as last night. Niko’s mother woke Niko up to start Niko off with the hosuehold chores.

“Why did grandma let in Alma last night?” Niko sleepily asked. “We talked last night and she wouldn’t leave.”

Barely hearing Niko’s voice against the loud rain, Niko’s mother told her, “Your grandma fell fast asleep last night in the couch. I locked the doors and windows when I heard her snoring in the living room. I also heard someone talking and assumed your grandma was sleep talking.”

Niko replied, “She must have let in Alma before she fell asleep. What time did grandma fall asleep?”

“Wait, wait. Who? Alma?” asked her mother. “You must have had quite a dream last night.” Her mother chuckled.

“Mom, it was real and Alma was being annoying. She was saying things I didn’t understand. And she freaked me out a little with her new look,” Niko pointed out.

Her mother laughed and said, “I thought you never wanted to hear anything about Alma. I assumed you kneww that she had her funeral weeks ago.”