Have you ever wondered what it would be like if your entire life fell apart? Laying awake at night, not being able to sleep, letting your mind wander through different scenarios, and realizing how lucky you are that none of it is true. Well, maybe, one day you wake up and suddenly those scenarios that couldn't possible come true, are true. You'd be shocked, those sleepless hours filled of "what ifs," suddenly become "how is this happening," "why me," and "what do I do now." You don't know how to respond, because it never plays out like it does in your head. We are never that lucky. You get thrown on your ass and slapped in the face by life, telling you to wake up and that you aren't that lucky. Let me tell you, it hurts like hell. Your worst nightmares becoming reality, your life as you know it falling apart, not being able to look in the mirror because you feel disgusted with yourself. Not sleeping, not eating, not living, because everything you do reminds you of him. You can hardly breathe.

I can hardly breath. I don't feel safe in my own home. I don't feel safe in my own skin anymore. I'm falling apart into a million pieces again and I can't fix it this time. I'm slowly realizing that he stole so much more than my innocence. He stole my happiness. He didn't leave me empty of happiness though. I'm not that lucky. No, he replaced my happiness. He replaced it with terror. He left me terrified to leave the house alone. He left me terrified to be touched by anyone, even my own mother. He left me terrified to be myself.

He said he was my best friend. He said he would never hurt me. He said I was beautiful and special. He said he would wait for me, that he respected me. I said he was my best friend. I said "I know he won't hurt me." I said "maybe I am beautiful." I said that he was amazing for waiting with me. Then I said "No." Then I said "Stop." Then he said "Shut up and stay still."

I tell myself I'm okay. I know that I am. My life isn't ruined, it isn't over as I know it.

Time has passed and life has gone on. When a world falls apart, it seems like nothing will ever be back to normal. Then one day you wake up, just like you did when your world fell apart, but this time, instead of being broken, instead of missing pieces of yourself, you are healed and put back together. It may not be complete, it may not be infinite, but it will be enough for now, because this is just like the scrapped knees we got as kids. They hurt at first, then they heal, leaving nothing but a scar and an unpleasant memory.