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The Obscene Vaccine
Dear Fellow Mothers of America,
We live in an age of purity. Modern society has all but eradicated deadly disease to the point where we do not even remember what it is to experience an epidemic! The medical industry attempts to sully this purity though, attempting to pump our precious children’s veins full of the vile autism-inducing swill they call vaccines.
The first world has pretty much forgotten deadly disease. We haven’t had an outbreak of disease in the United States of America in decades. Take for example, the Measles, a terrible disease that affected nearly 800 thousand individuals in 1959, but now is barely a threat at all (historyofvaccines). Therefore, why do these silly doctor’s keep pestering us about vaccinations? It’s not like it was the invention of the measles vaccine in 1960 that brought the amount of cases down ninety percent in one decade, and even if that were true, the measles are gone now. We have so little Measles, we could be the happiest place on Earth. We can just ignore the claim the amount of cases is beginning to go up again. I’m sure it is only coincidence we’ve had over twice the amount of usual annual reports in only the last two months, and that it has nothing to do with the declining immunization rates across the nation, with nearly 500 public schools in Southern California, ground zero for the current ”outbreak”, falling below a threshold for what biologists call “herd immunization” (SciShow). It’s like these disease scientists think they know more about diseases than us.
Now, I am not a chemist, but have you ever read the ingredients in a vaccine? There are such scary chemical names that I cannot even begin to pronounce such as formaldehyde and Thimerosal, which is a mercury derivative. Once again, I am not a chemist, but I'm pretty sure formaldehyde is used in embalming, and mercury is just bad! Now I’m just saying, I have absolutely no degree in chemistry nor any of the advanced knowledge required to know that formaldehyde is actually from the purification of the vaccine, and the trace amounts left behind are actually so miniscule, I breath a higher amount of the on a daily basis. I also don’t have the degree to understand that Thimerosal is not elemental mercury, but actually a molecular compound used in a variety other things such as tattoo ink, facial creams, and nasal spray. I am absolutely not a chemist, but I can read and I know when a word sounds scary. This is why I don’t let my kids eat baked birthday cake. Raw eggs went into that! I don’t want my babies getting salmonella.
I care for my children too much to ever put them through a process as dangerous as vaccination. I heard it from some celebrities on the television that they cause autism! Just look at these convincing testaments: “While there has not been a conclusive study of the negative effects...,” (some celebrity). “I’ve known cases,” (another celebrity). “Maybe it’s just a coincidence,” (A third celebrity). There was even a scientist who researched the subject. The father of the anti-vaccination movement, Andrew Wakefield, is a martyr of the cause! A true hero, Wakefield has been barred from practicing medicine in Britain, despite discovering the connection between vaccines and autism, for such defamatory claims as “manipulating and misinterpreting data” or “financial conflicts of interest” (Belluz) We must support Wakefield for the hero he is, for even though he has denied to actually replicate any of his paper’s findings, he does not need to, for threat of autism is enough to not vaccinate.
Modern society has all but eradicated dangerous disease. We’re are definitely safe within our little bubble of cleanliness. We’ve forgotten what disease feels like, therefore we do not need to vaccinate, because what’s the risk that a disease will take advantage of lowered immunization rates anyways? Also, vaccines just seem dangerous. I don’t fully understand them but nor do I fully understand gravity, and falling kills! Lastly, I just love my children too much to put them at risk of getting autism, and would rather let them face the disease, because I would rather see me kid die of sickness than be autistic.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Mother
Belluz, Julia “The Research Linking Vaccines to Autism is More Bogus Than You Think” Vox. Vox, 2 Feb, 2015. Web. 14 Feb, 2015
“Graph of U.S Measles Cases” historyofvaccines.org. The College of Physicians of Philadelphia, n.d. Web. 14 Feb, 2015
SciShow. “How Measles Made a Comeback” Online video clip. Youtube. Youtube, 13 Feb, 2015. Web. 13 Feb, 2015.
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This piece is a letter I wrote for a prompt in satirical writing.I take the role of a concerned suburban mother, speaking to other mothers about the risks and concerns in vaccinating children, when in actuality there are none. Vaccinations are perfectly safe.