Santa and Physics | Teen Ink

Santa and Physics

November 23, 2012
By literaryaddict PLATINUM, Albuquerque, New Mexico
literaryaddict PLATINUM, Albuquerque, New Mexico
23 articles 3 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We're almost there and no where near it. All that matters is that we're going." Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
"The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound." Lady Bracknell, The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde

According to every story about him and according to every child who still believes, Santa Claus has elves. And these elves are magical creatures who feature in stories that are centuries old and told in many different cultures. For example, there is the story about the shoemaker receiving help from elves in Western culture. The details about elves vary, but most everyone agrees that they are short, have pointy ears, and have a jolly disposition. They make toys in Santa’s workshop and may help him deliver the toys on Christmas Eve.

Also according to popular stories, elves are not so fond of humans. The elves in the story of the shoemaker came only at night to avoid being seen. The elves in Lord of the Rings look with disdain upon humans, whom they see as an inferior, greedy, power-hungry race. Santa must not be human, then, if he has elves who work for him. And these elves must not be slaves or forced involuntarily into toy-making, for they are always depicted as happy, joyful beings. One needs only to look at America in the 1800s to see evidence that slaves are generally not happy with their lot.

So, if Santa is not human, he must also be a magical creature, or a non-Muggle, if you prefer. How else would he have elves or flying reindeer? How would he be able to eat thousands of pounds of cookies and not have a massive heart attack? Furthermore, Santa Claus is St. Nicholas or Nikolaos of Myra, who secretly handed out presents and other gifts to those in need. He was born in 343, and he must be magical to have lived 1668 years, so far. And since Santa is magical, it is not that far a stretch to say that his reindeer are magical, capable of pulling immensely heavy loads and going at super fast speeds.

Modern physics laws have only been tested on normal people and objects under normal circumstances. This is because our technology is unable to perform tests on magical beings. Therefore, how can we say that gravity affects Santa Claus the same way it affects us? Is his acceleration 9.8 meters per second per second? We cannot prove that Santa Claus is real or not if we do not know how magical creatures, which Santa most certainly is, respond to gravity, force, momentum, and energy. Until we prove that laws of physics apply to magical beings, who are we to say that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy don’t exist and can’t break the laws of physics?

The author's comments:
A tongue-in-cheek article "proving" that Santa Claus is magical and therefore able to break the laws of physics.

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