Every night, it’s the same routine. Three hours of straight Hell. It was once his passion, now it’s his pain. But it shouldn’t be. This is something he’s done for years. He is used to it. What it has taught him is now second nature. He loved it more than anything. This is where he belongs. Or is it?
He dropped out before, he can do it again. But he vowed to come back and stay on for the next three years. But if he dropped out, will he be called weak? Will he regret it like he did before? What are the risks? What are the pros and cons? On one side, this has been what defines him. This built him into the man he is today. From this, he has learned discipline, work-ethic, respect, reliability, and loyalty. He was kept clean and away from bad people. On the other, it has destroyed him. He was turned into a monster. He was broken both physically and mentally. He originally joined to escape what he once hated. And now what he loved has turned into what he swore to avoid.
For the sake of keeping to a secure status quo, or for the sake of ending the suffering? It hurts to hold onto what he loves. It’s hurting him, the men around him are hurting him, and above all, she is hurting him. She’s hurting him the most. And the worst part is; he brought it upon himself. He could have prevented it all had he only exhibited some form of self-control.
He doesn’t have to make a big deal about it, he doesn’t half to quit painfully, and he doesn’t need to kill himself. He just has to go home and move on. But if he does, what does he have to live for? What does he have to go on to? What do I have to go on to?