Everyday I would wake up to my sister yelling at me because I always wouldn't want to get up, wrapped in my happy pink blankets, yelling would be the only way to get me out of that bed. Bright lights shine all around me as my mom keeps yelling "get up, we have to go" but it's not the same. As she continues to nag my brain slips away to just a numbness of all the bright fluorescent lights above. I just don't want to move I want to stay in these blankets that consume me, my mind begins to wander, I go back to all the times I spent endless time with my sister and that just makes everything so much harder. It's s a slow dreadful walk that I hate to take the lights above me seem to dim out. I can't say anything for if I did nothing good or even recognizable would come from it. To begin to even think about it I tear up trying to fight them back I clench, gripping the bright blue seat that seems to fade with each Grasp I take. There is a negative energy around me it's almost unbearable, I feel like it's closing in on me.

My sister walks in the room relaxed and calm She seems tired as if this has taken a toll on her too. I clench harder to the seat. Realizing this will be the last time I see my sister for months seems like an eternity. As we say goodbye I hug my sister for the last time pain hits me. I remember her on her first day of preschool hugging me and saying goodbye with the same type of emotion I cry realizing this time she wont be back in a couple of hours. I take a deep breath fighting those forbidden tears, but I cant hold them in. Crying I walk away from what I was comfortable with.

I climb into the car remembering that negative energy that surrounded me making every bright electric blue and lime green curtain dull and dim. I now realize what that energy was, what I was fighting began to break out and consume, not me anymore but the world around me. Today was the day I let it go and took a new view of how I saw things and most importantly myself. I never thought something so sad would evolve into changing me entirely. I remember my sister would always tell me "get away from me, stop following me” but I never truly knew why I just didn't listen to her until now. I just couldn't bear to stand by myself I had to constantly be under her shadow. She was my security blanket I hid behind her fearing the world, fearing myself. I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be, so I wanted to be like her; bold and outgoing. Ironic as it was that I wanted to be like that, but by hiding I could never be so bold, I had to step out. There in that memory now as she watched me leave it feels as if my security blanket was ripped out from under my heavy feet leaving me vulnerable to find who I am.
On the road we zoom past mountains mixed with green and various sized and shaped rocks all with their own unique markings, They reminded me of my struggles all the different the ups and downs I faced never knowing what to expect. They bring back all the memories of how my sister would always help me with my struggles, whenever I was feeling down she was always there for me when I needed to vent or cry. Now she can't, and all the mountains I see ahead; the upcoming struggles I will need to be strong to face things by myself.

I had a brief taste of what this new life will be when I went to camp this summer, it was the first year I went without my sister and it was the hardest year yet. I don't remember what exactly made me so upset but I just couldn't shake it. Usually with these types of things the simple words from her of “seriously.., stop, you’re being stupid” would work and even though at first I would get irritated eventually I knew she was right and go back to being my normal self. This time as I started to notice this emotion I became frightened that it wouldn't stop but then immediately fear faded as I remembered the words of “you’re being stupid” and just stopped in my tracks knowing I could do this and I changed my mood by myself.

I climbed out of the car to the last warm burst of California air as it hits my face before I go into the chilled airport. This is where I change, this is where I become myself. As I did at camp I will learn from those words she left in my mind and use them to become brave to face the world, and to become myself. I shouldn't be sad that she's gone anymore I should be happy with all she taught me. I am who I am today because of her, and her leaving will reinforce every little word she spoke to me. I am no longer afraid of where life will take me or what I go through because I have those lessons with me. I leave the warm, crisp, sunny, comfortable, climate to the uncomfortable, muggy, climate of where I belong. Here now I stand in the open uncomfortable life which now must become comfortable. I now live free to be myself even though it may be uncomfortable I am free to soar to places I never thought I could go and most importantly to let go of the things I have been trying to be. Staring out the window I see the dark night sky with lighting in the distance, I know this life won't be easy but it's something I have to do.