“She died”, “ He died”, not something I would have expected to hear so much this year. Remembering the last time you saw someone and all the good times. Having to sit in a room full of broken hearts surrounding a casket that has the person you love lay lifeless. The way your heart suddenly drops when they lower the casket into the earth. I had to do this so many times, as if it was a routine and I never understood why and why I had to say goodbye to the people I loved. But I am their reincarnation.

   It was a random day in March, I was waiting for my grandfather Earl to come back to Delaware because he was getting married. Before he moved away we were always close, he was like my father figure because I never had a father. He is the reason I love music, and have a desire to travel. He is how I learned about the things I love to do. After spring break, about 4 days after school started I got a phone call from my aunt while I was eating in the cafeteria. I was already in a bad mood because I wasn't doing too well in school. “Hello, Kanaija…”, I could hear in her voice something was wrong, and the phone breaking up only made it worse. “Your grandfather Earl, He died”. At first, I didn't have a reaction at all. I've never experienced with death, I thought there was a misunderstanding. I went to text earl myself with a “Hello”, and “Please tell me this isn't real”. When I got no response, my whole life fell apart.

Came time of the funeral, every time I looked at his casket it felt like I couldn't breathe. To know how quickly someone can go, and not be able to say goodbye to when you can. To know that person is never coming back, was something hard to accept. When we place his flowers on the casket and they lowered his casket, that's when that happened. My heart dropped to the soles of my feet. Something in me wanted to lift it back up and try and wake him up. This cold sensation entered my body like a big wave on a beach, and I used to wonder what this feeling was.

Eventually, the pain cooled down, but it happened again. In mid-June I was getting discharged from a hospital I was in, I was in the hospital for lose days because 11 days beforehand I attempted to overdose. When the doctors allowed me to go home I had to stay home for a while before I could be “trusted” alone. About 4-7 days later I went down the stairs to get myself a drink because I wasn't feeling too well to overhear my mother say that my Great-grandmother passed away the night before. My grandmother was also apart of me. She taught me to work hard for anything that I want in life, and taught me how to stick up for myself. She was very serious, but at heart, she was so sweet. She would do anything for anyone, even if there was someone she didn't know on the street that was hungry, needed somewhere to sleep, or someone to just talk to she did it. She was a very hard worker and one of the strongest women I have ever met.

   Her death hurt a little less, but a little more at the same time. She was old, about to be 79, and that's how I had to look at it to ease some pain off my heart. But she was the glue of the family. My family isn't a great one, we consist of alcohol abusers, some addicts, smokers, fighters, and many bad things. When she died our whole family split apart with arguments, some people moved away, and some people cut each other off, and that's probably what hurt the most. At her funeral I grew the heart to finally walk up to a casket, it was so beautiful. It was white with not a single spec of dirt on it. The lining and the flowers went beautifully with it. I kissed her casket and since I can't hug her I guided my hand swiftly across her casket. I don't know what happened but I suddenly couldn't stop crying. My cousin and my mother came to comfort me and they didn't take away my grandmother until I was ready, but even when I stopped crying I wasn't ready to let go because I grew up around her also. That was another feeling I also didn't understand.

   The last person took me for a surprise, my uncle. Technically he wasn't my uncle, he was a family friend, but he was around for so long I always thought he was my mother’s brother. When I was younger he would always come around. I mentioned that my family consists of abusers so drinking and smoking was something I was used to. He used to always come around with drinks or to smoke with my mother, and he was the life of the party. He was always so sweet to me and fun, and always lighten my mood when he noticed I was down. When I used to run into him on the streets he would always buy me snacks and make me laugh and get me up and moving. He is where I get my humor from, and why I am such a fun person to be around. When they told me he died I didn't expect it to be what they said it was. They told me that his mother found him in her basement dead, because he overdosed on heroin, and that's when it all came out.

   He was depressed, he was going through a lot with losing his girlfriend and job, and having hard times in life. And we related so much. I've been going through a lot too, with being hospitalized back and forth for the past 3 years, self-harming and drugs, failing in school, losing love, deaths, fighting, abusive relationships, just being alone for so long and so much other things that someone wouldn't even have the strength to THINK about going through. I saw how I and him related, and he still managed to make everyone else smile, though it's bad to hide it he managed to still lighten up a room. That shocked me, and it made me force myself to stop abusing drugs, though it took awhile. I didn't go to his funeral, because before he died my aunt died but I didn't know her, and one of my mom’s cousins died, I didn't know him either. I got tired of having to repeat the cycle. So I talked to him in my room about my life, including my grandfather and great-grandmother. And that's when I realized… I am their reincarnation.

   I AM my grandfather because I WILL continue to pursue music and I WILL travel to all the places I want to go. I AM my great-grandmother because I AM strong and determined and I HAVE a strong heart for everyone around me and I WILL work hard. I AM my “uncle” because I AM light at heart. No matter how I'm feeling I WILL make sure I brighten up everyone's day around me and I AM filled with love, I WILL carry on for him. I AM the soul of 3, I AM the reincarnation of 3.

                           This will certify that the above work is completely original.

                                               Kanaija Unique McDonald