“Be more outgoing!” My parents have been telling me this since I can remember.

In 1st grade, I was quiet and seldom hung out with the talkative guys in my class. They laughed at me, calling me “idiot,” “autism child,” and (perhaps strangely) “anti-socialist.” Every time I heard these malicious words, I went home and cried secretly in my bed, not letting anyone know my frustration.

In 5th grade, I wanted to join a speaking competition. My teacher refused to give me a chance. “You’re so quiet,” she told me. “How could you possibly deliver a good speech?”

Over the years, negative comments about my introversion have haunted me like a phantom. At the same time, these hurtful words provoked me to ask: Is it my fault? Isn’t it a matter of personality? Why are extroverts superior to introverts?

Unfortunately, this imbalance between extroverts and introverts has been rooted in our social traditions since ancient times. In ancient Athens, every man was given a voice in determining political affairs; meanwhile, Socrates proposed the concept of free speech. Later, during the Enlightenment, French philosophers like Voltaire promoted free speech to be an essential element of modern democracy. Nowadays, most countries grant their citizens freedom of speech, and public opinion is a moral force prompting governments to make right decisions. Obviously, “speaking” has been a cornerstone in social life throughout human history. Therefore, it is unsurprising that introverts, who articulate themselves less often, are less valued.

In recent years, extroverts are gaining still more popularity, thanks to our social media and education system. Social media tends to emphasize the outgoing side of successful people: from Mark Zuckerberg to Barack Obama, the media always broadcast their eloquent speeches and their social events, but seldom publicize their silent moments. This preferential publishing misleads the public by creating an illusion that the more one talks, the more successful he would be. The media tend to neglect the times when these outgoing people work silently on their careers. In addition—as Susan Cain, a famous lecturer and a leader of Quiet Revolution, points out—our education system naturally favors the extroverts by putting kids into a big classroom. Since introverts find it difficult to speak in front of large groups, they would prefer small classes in private schools, but that is much more expensive. Consequently, many introverts have to suffer and struggle to fit into school environments dominated by extroverted students.

Reflecting on my past, I realize the power of silence. I like contemplating on my own, and I’m good at thinking deeply and carefully when I am quiet. My critical thinking enabled me to become the leader of PeerBuddy. Speaking in front of my peers, I gradually became more outgoing, but I still understand the introverts who are suppressed by social norms. It is high time people discarded their stereotypes of introverts.

Be more outgoing? Yes, that’s the key to more opportunities, but I hope one day it will not be the only key.