It’s 10 o’clock on a Tuesday night, and I can’t help but feel empty. I’m 15 (turning 16 in October). So young. But. Sometimes I feel like my life is like the ending of a really good song. Take “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac. That’s the song that’s playing as I write this. “In the stillness of remembering what you had--and what you lost.” I look back at my childhood and I really can’t remember it. I realize that’s why they say your teenage memories are the most memorable, because that’s when you start forming real, coherent memories. Recently, I feel like I’m not forming these memories I’ll tell my kids about. At the same time I look back at what has happened this year as I transition into being a sophomore. Time is slipping away, and am I really living life or just experiencing it? Half way through high school. Next song. “Feels Like We Only Go Backwards” by Tame Impala. This isn’t helping my late night crisis. Maybe it’s the Christmas smelling candle that’s getting to me. Maybe it’s the Georgia heat. Keep in mind that it’s late May and the candle is CHRISTMAS scented. I must be going insane. I walk through life not through my eyes, but through a lens that seems foggy. Every turn feels vulnerable. It’s not even like I walk through life, but I do a sprint. Everyday races by, and I can’t even think of my next move. Check mate. I want everything in my life to work out. Like maybe if this boy texted me back faster life would be better. Maybe if I hugged her tighter she wouldn’t be gone and life would stop running away. Maybe if I could slow down my heart rate when he’s around I wouldn’t act like a fool. Next song. “First Day Of My Life” by Bright Eyes. Why is the universe working against me? I pressed shuffle. “Sparks” by Coldplay. This song reminds me of him. Slipping. That’s a good word for how I’m feeling. This song makes me cry. That last boy did too. This boy doesn’t. Not yet anyway. “Victory” by The Avett Brothers is next. Maybe things will get better. “To match eternal light with how I live my life-- Of course, I was forced to retreat-- From Victory.” Maybe it’s okay to not know how to live. But life is still slipping faster and faster. Do I know how to chase my dream? No. Do I know how to make grilled cheese without my Mom’s help? No. I’m still a child in a lot of ways, and not yet done growing. Actually, I just started.