“Hey are you gonna read that book all day, or play volleyball with us?” Alex asked.

“I’m getting to the good part, maybe later.” I responded.

“You’re always doing nerdy stuff, come on and try playing volleyball with us.” Alex insisted.

I ignored him and continued reading my book. Alex scoffed and walked away to join the others playing volleyball. I sit against the wall, as I flip to the next page. At that moment, I was misjudged. It’s basic human nature to assume and judge. Everyone judges and gets judged and it happens everyday. We judge something based on the smell, looks, and many other things.

After the others finished playing volleyball, they went back to the wall where I was sitting. On my left, they were chatting about how fun it was to play volleyball together, as friends. A part of me felt like they were teasing me, but I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.

“Kallen! You totally should’ve played with us. You missin’ out the fun bro!” Wilson teased.

“Hey now, let Kallen do his thing,” Rumi implied.

I like reading books, but I also like volleyball. Just because I don’t spend time playing volleyball, it doesn’t mean I “always” do nerdy stuff like reading. Don’t get me wrong, I love reading, but I hate that it’s seen as a “nerdy" thing. Shouldn’t reading just be a “normal” thing? But I digress…

The lunch bell rang and the others began packing up their bags and leaving for class. I put my book in my bag and got up to leave, but everybody on the blacktop already left. I sighed, nobody even said goodbye to me.

My friend group consisted of Alex, Wilson, Rumi, Devon, Anrex, Samantha, and Jake.

Wilson and Anrex were friends I made since 3rd grade, but they were getting more and more different. They didn’t even feel like the friends I knew in Elementary anymore. I got more and more disconnected from them, as the same things we both shared and bonded over changed.

Alex, Devon, Jake, and Samantha were friends I met just last year, so they weren’t as close as Wilson and Anrex were. I wasn’t too close with them, but I still knew them well enough to call them friends.

Rumi is a special case, I knew her since 1st grade. I unfortunately moved schools in 3rd grade, so I didn’t get to see her until last year in 7th grade. She was a sad one, always talking about how sad her life is. She was depressed, so I helped her out. Unfortunately though… nothing much changed but she still thanked me. Recently, I ended up having a crush on her, but she’s already dating Alex.

You can say I’m a quiet, reserved, calm, smart, and nerdy kid. But I’m not any of that. I’m truly a loud, crazy, slow, and somewhat still nerdy kid. All of my friends misjudge me for who I am, even Wilson and Anrex misjudge me...

“Kallen, you’re so quiet. You should try socializing more.”

“How are you so calm during all of this heckness?”

“Geez Kallen, you’re so smart. How did you get a 99 out of 100?”

“Stop drawing and go out with us!”

I am loud, only when I’m comfortable with my surroundings. I can’t stay calm, I hide my nervousness. I’m not smart, I only pay attention and use whatever I remember. I want to keep drawing, it keeps me comfortable and it's my way to cope with things.

The truth is, I hide my feelings and emotions inside. But I truly do care about them, all 7 of them. I just wish they’ll think about me inside and not judge me from the outside. I really wish… that they would talk to me about things I’m familiar with, instead of assuming I’m some perfect kid who barely tries. Cause the truth is, I actually do try, and I try my best to get them to see me.

Fast forward a few weeks later, January 17, 2020, Rumi and Alex started getting into some relationship drama. The drama started spreading across the friend group, and it eventually spreaded over the entire school. This drama divided us, it was basically a civil war between us. Rumi, Wilson, Anrex, and I would be on one side, Alex, Jake, Samantha would be on the other, while Devon was neutral and stayed out of it.

I remember that day… when Rumi came to us, crying and hugging us. I felt speechless, I felt as if I said something, it wouldn’t do anything. Wilson would comfort Rumi, and I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I put that out of the way and see the bigger picture. I realized that if I didn’t show that I could be myself, they wouldn’t be able to know my true self and feelings.

“It was my fault, I did this to Alex, I shouldn’t have said that…” Rumi cried. Wilson embraced her, hugging her and patting her head.

“Rumi, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Wilson comforted.

Anrex quietly watches and stares off into nothingness. I felt like Anrex, I felt like I couldn’t do anything. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like Anrex didn’t care, he just didn’t know what to say. I needed to push myself forward, but my thoughts clouded my actions.

What if I ruin the moment, what if I said something that would offend or hurt her even more, what if… The thoughts continued going and going on. What I realized though, was that if I didn’t push myself to do anything, nothing would change.

“Rumi!” I yelled. Rumi and Wilson looked at me. I felt embarrassed, but I thought to do the right thing and run up to them. I immediately hugged the both of them together. I embraced them tightly, never letting them go.

“Kallen…” Wilson whispered.

“Rumi! Wilson! Just know that… I’ll always be there for you guys! I promise you!” Both of their eyes shined with light, Rumi smiled her tears away, while Wilson smirked.

“We know that Kallen, we always knew.” Wilson softly said.

“We care about you too!” Rumi sobbed.

That moment… It turned out that I misjudged them as well. They knew, I was foolish to not think about them. They thought about me too, they always knew. I was too worried and focused about my own feelings, I never thought about their perspective. Ever since the beginning, I told them about me and my thoughts made me forget that. I am a fool...

A few weeks later, Rumi and Alex broke up, but they remained as friends. The friend group got back together, we were whole again. As I walked out of my auntie’s car as she dropped me, my cousin, and my brother off to school, I saw them waiting for me…

“Kallen, I’m sorry for calling you ‘nerdy’. I didn’t mean it like that…'' Alex apologetically said.

“It’s fine, we’re cool man!” I exclaimed.

Alex smiled with joy. It turned out that Wilson gave Rumi the motivation and the courage to end her relationship with Alex. I wasn’t able to do anything major, but I’m glad I was able to make her happy again.

Fast forward to 2 months later, March 30, 2020. The Coronavirus lockdown put us in quarantine. We were all at home, desperately waiting for this lockdown to end so we could see each other again. Time and time went on, I got no text messages from them. I couldn’t get myself to message them to ask them for anything, because I generally don’t like bothering people. Months and months pass, I hear nothing. I felt abandoned and I felt like I was left behind…

In November 2020, a light of hope shined upon me in the void of darkness, an old friend of mine finally reached out to me. Her name is Cindy, I haven’t talked to her in a while but she reached out to me. She invited me to her friend group. I was lonely so I immediately accepted her request. 

Ever since that day, they were my new friends and I knew immediately not to misjudge others. They understood me, they got to know me. I got to know them as well. I've learned that misjudging others led to my own demise. It made me dislike other people and made me distant from others. I got schooled that day when Wilson was comforting Rumi. I wish I got to see them again... Wilson, Rumi, Alex, Devon, Samantha, Anrex, and Jake... Cindy and my new friends… that’s for another story.