¨I can't do it,¨ I yelled at my dad as I cried for what felt like the thousandth time. ¨I can't live without her.¨ I couldn't call or text my mom. I didn't know where she was or what she's doing. Hell, I didn't even know why I left her. Well, now I know why I left, but I didn't know then what I know now. Without her my life feels empty and not worth living. I miss her, I want to go back. I hated my dad for taking me away from my mom, but now I know that leaving was the safest thing I could have done. Now, I know that going back to live with my mom was no longer an option. I must learn to live without her.

Finally, after spending an entire week with my dad, and a full week of school, it was spring break. Life was great. Today I got my ¨G.R.E.A.T¨ certificate in facs class. Still, I'm not exactly clear what that means, but I also succeeded in stealing some Fun Dip from under my older sister's bed. Although, my sister wasnt home. She probably wouldn't be home for a while. By now, all of my siblings have left. Though, usually my little brother rides home on the bus with me. Why they left, why my brother isn't here, I didn’t know. In my room, as I laid my other sister's bed, I ate the red fun dip first. While I ate the red fun dip, I played a video on YouTube. I thought life was great. Spring break after spending too much time in fifth grade was going to be a week of pure relaxation and alone time. Little did I know that in five minutes, I wouldn't be there, in that place, any longer.

In five minutes my mom's current fling would call me down the stairs. I'd pause my YouTube video and put on my favorite pair of ripped jeans. In five minutes I would open the door to my room and go down the stairs to see my dad standing in the living room. There, my dad would tell me I was going to stay with him over spring break. Then, I thought it was because we were going up north to see my family, but I was wrong. I don't remember grabbing my backpack or any of my things but I do remember never saying goodbye to my mom. She was more than likely passed out drunk in her room; she probably didn't even know I was leaving. Five minutes before, I didn't know I was leaving either. I didn't know that I would never walk through the front door of that house again. I didn't know that I'd never see her again. In five minutes, I was driving down the road, away from my mom and away from home. Another five minutes had passed and I was sitting down at the nunoerin, interactive table in McDonald's, being told that I would be living with my dad full-time for a while. I was told that my mom had a problem; furthermore, that my mom was an alcoholic.

Five minutes turned into five weeks. Five weeks without my mom wasn't so bad. At least I´d still get to go to school and see my friends for a couple of weeks until COVID forced school to transition to online. Then, five weeks turned into five months. By now, I had switched schools and been forced to make all new friends. I cried enough and I thought about my mom too much. I missed her, had I not talked to her at all. I hadn't heard anything about my mom. I had only been told of times that my mom was drunk when I was there and didn't know. My sister said she would tell me more when I was older, then I would understand. Five months turned into five years. Life was getting easier without her, but I still felt like there was something missing. There was someone that was missing, someone that I was missing. Five years after I left, I started to forget her. I forgot how she sounded. I forgot her scent. I even forgot how her touch brought me comfort. How I could forget my own mother, I don't know.

It wasn't until three years later that I finally looked through her storage unit and collected the things I left behind in her house that day. Three years later, I had finally talked to her for the first time in many years. The first time I typed her number into my phone, the first message I sent, the first response I got was ¨sorry, I'm not your mom.¨ I replied with ¨oops wrong number,¨ then typed in the right number. It wasn't until my oldest sister's graduation, four years later, that I saw her again. I wasn't even told that she would be there. When she called my sister to ask where she could meet her, I didn't recognize her voice. When she hugged me the first time, I didn't recognize her scent. The only thing that felt the same, was the comfort I felt when she touched me. When she played with my hair, I felt more at home than I had felt in four years. It wouldn't be until another year later that I would see her another time. It won't be until tonight, May thirty-first, 2024, that I might see my mom for the second time in five years.

It took five minutes for me to walk out the door of my mom's house for the last time, five minutes for me to drive away, and five minutes for my life to change. In five minutes, my life turned sideways, my life turned upside down. If not for those minutes, I would not be here today. I wouldn't be sitting here, in this room, writing. I wouldn't know my friends or my teachers. The person that I am today, I wouldn't know. I wouldn't have learned that life can change in a matter of minutes. I wouldn't have learned the importance of taking life by the minute. If I don't live in the moment, I might get too caught up in the past or in the future, I might miss what's in front of me. In five minutes, anything can happen, things can change; people can change. “You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way ever again.” -Azar Nafisi. The quote above came from a board on my mom's Pinterest that I didn't find until years after I left her house. To me, it displays the subconscious feeling that things are going to change. The quote describes how I felt during the time between sitting in my room and walking out of that door the last time, in five minutes.