When people talk about having a crush on so-and-so, wishing so-and-so would notice them, and beat themselves up about not talking to so-and-so, it really ticks me off. And I mean REALLY. You are probably wondering why I would even care. I am about to tell you, so sit tight for a minute. And please don't just skim this page, because I doubt I will ever have the courage to admit this, ever, again.

Ok. The reason why I get annoyed by these little, meaningless things is because--well, I'm jealous. Don't get me wrong, I'm not jealous of them having a crush or whatever. I'm jealous of the fact they can see their crush, talk to him or her, touch them, if only touch their hand. Because I am deeply in love, and I can not do these things. He simply isn't around. Literally.

Oh, not long distance, it's way worse than that. You see, I may be the only person for miles, though perhaps not the entire country or world, who has a thing for someone fictional. That's right, ladies and gents, I have had the misfortune to fall for a nonexistent character from a book slash movie series. No, it isn't even a main character, I think the only reason I fell for him is because he cried once. I. Am. The. Biggest. Sucker. In. The. World.

So now you're laughing your head off, thinking I'm a whack job who needs help. Well, maybe I am, because I have had this issue for three months now. I have not been able to get over it, though I've tried. I cried when Lana and Clark were forced apart forever by kryptonite in Smallville. I cried when I saw the Doctor losing Rose, twice, in Doctor Who. Yes, I am a nerd, or a geek, or whatever you are mentally calling me now. But, to be honest, I must say I think I also deserve your pity. I hope I'm not coming across as stuck up or an attention-seeker. I just want you to think about it-what it would be like, every day, being reminded of someone you love and can't be with. You can't see them. You can't hear them. Talk to them all you want, they can't hear you. You are talking to yourself, and you think you are going crazy. Again, maybe I am. And, you think you are dying. Of grief. Man, this is sounding sappy. But I'm trying to make you understand, so you can hear what I'm saying. It feels like he's died, or left me--but that doesn't make sense, because he never knew me. I never knew him.

I guess what I'm trying to say, overall, is that you shouldn't get upset about so-and-so not noticing you, or so-and-so dating someone else. Don't whine and complain about what you don't have. Chances are, you have a heck of a lot more than I ever had. Only my friend knows my big secret, and here I am, telling the world. I might just be venting, but I need someone else to know, someone who isn't going to make fun of me and teaseingly pretend to tell someone.

Again, I might be a whack job, or whatever you think I am. But I do have a message, hidden under all this ridiculousness. Please, be thankful for what you do have, because I would give anything and everything to have that. And I did, my mp3 player broke a couple days after I decided that. But I still am alone.

Oh yeah, one more thing--next time you see so-and-so, even if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, if they are a different sexuality than you, don't hold back. Run forward and give them a hug, or get on one knee and proclaim to the entire room your undying love for so-and-so. Even if it's a mere crush, just puppy love, and you know it's not true, it's better than losing them the next day and knowing you never said what you needed to say. Others would die for that oppurtunity. I would, but that wouldn't do me much good, would it...

Don't lose heart, even when it might be less painful that way. Some quotes below would apply.

"Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell."
-Unknown

"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.” By Albert Einstein

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” - Helen Keller

“Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.” - Kahlil Gibran

'Love is a force more formidable than any other. It is invisible -- it cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession could.” - Barbara De Angelis