About six years ago I came to an Elementary School where I knew
one person. He was wonderful, I actually thought all guys were like
him, but I was wrong. Later on I met John, he was amazing, strong,
and beautiful. At that moment I knew I had to know him. So I talked
to him, which by the way took alot of courage because back then I
had a problem talking to guys I like. But I did it, and he was the very
first person in that whole school to pick on me, including his twin
brother. He is just as handsome, but I always saw something in John
that I never did in Jesse. Okay well when the years went by, my feelings
for John grew stronger and stronger. So in our Freshman year of
High School, I wrote up this big speech. Telling him how much I
liked him, but I choked. The very next day I chickened out when I
was suppose to tell him. About a year later feelings haven't changed,
but he has. He has a girlfriend, and she is now one of my very good
friends. Even though I knew they were together, I planned on telling John
how I felt about him after Christmas Break, I knew it was one sided love but
I knew I had to do it or regret it for the rest of my life. And which
I do, because John died on December 29, 2010. He was only
16 years old, and he died 21 days after his birthday. I never wanted
to believe the text message saying that John had died. Never in my
life would I have believed my very first crush and good friend died
without a simple goodbye. And till this day I still can't believe he's
gone. By helping me through the pain I write; poems, letters, notes,
books. Whatever I can do to keep my mind of things. Everytime I hear
a song that reminds me of him, I burst into tears. Everytime I close my
eyes, I see his face. Everytime I dream, I dream of him. That is what keeps
my heart going. Even though he didn't say a goodbye, I know I will see
him soon. Maybe not for awhile, but I know the wait will make it so much
better for the both of us. He will want everyone to go on with their lives
and we want him to stay in our hearts. I love you John, and you will never leave
my heart.