It all started September 5, 2012. My alarm went off around 6:00am so that I could get up and get ready for school. I yawned and stretched, jumping out of bed. I had to remember to look under my pillow so that I could check my phone like I do every morning. I noticed I had four unread messages, nine missed calls and three voicemails. I decided to read the unread messages first. The first one I read was from Shae, my sister. I opened the message and the message immediately popped in my face "Grandpa died". I rubbed my eyes to double check to make sure I was reading it right.

Tears started rushing down my face like a waterfall. I couldn't believe the person that raised me to be who I am today was no longer here. I sat down on my bed holding my phone while dialing my grandma's house number. Ring, ring, ring..."hello?" I couldn't hardly talk. my voice was shaking because I was so scared. "Is this Shawnda?" My auntie asked. "Yeah, this is my. Is my grandpa really dead?" "Yeah Shawnda he is." Oh my gosh!!! No! This can't be happening. "Yeah, Shawnda", my auntie continued, "You know he was really sick. You would rather for him to be in a better place, right?" "Yeah" I replied. "Can I speak to my grandma?" "Yeah hold on."

Finally , my grandma answered the phone. "Hello, Grandma you okay?" "Yeah Shawnda, I'm alright." I knew she was trying to hide the pain...I could tell by her voice. After hearing her voice , I didn't know what else to say. I told her I would call her right back after I was done calling my mom. I told her bye and hung up the phone, waiting for awhile to call my mom. My god sister came into my room looking for something, and she looked over at me and saw tears falling down my face. "What's wrong?" She asked while hugging me. I didn't say anything. "Is it your grandpa?" She quietly asked.

"Yes, he died last night" I replied through my tears.

"How?"

"Well, I just got off the phone with my grandma and she told me that it was around 3 o'clock this morning and my Auntie Missy was downstairs asleep, something made her get up because her allergies were bothering her. She decided to go check on my grandpa like she does any other day. She asked him if he was okay and he said 'yes' so she went back downstairs to go to sleep. She said it was around 5 or 6 and she went back upstairs to see what he wanted because he was calling her name. She took a little bit to get up there and when she finally got to his room, he was not breathing."

Lexie, my god sister, jumped off my bed and ran across the hall to my Godmom's room and told her what happened. My GodMom came into my room and hugged my while whispering "I am so sorry sweety, who called and told you?" I told her the story and she told me to pack my clothes and she would take me back to St. Louis as soon as she dropped Cole and Tavie off at school. While I was packing my clothes my phone started vibrating. It was my sister Keara. "You okay Shawnda?"
"No, I'm really not, Keara. Can I speak to Tay?"
"Yeah"
After what seemed like forever, Tay answered the phone. She explained that my mama was still making her go to school today since the funeral wasn't today. Tay definitely did not want to go to school.

I talked to Mama next and she explained that my daddy was doing okay and trying to stay strong. She asked if Janet was bringing me home and I told her we were leaving as soon as she took Cole and Tavie to school. I told her I loved her and I would see her in a couple of hours. "I love you too. Stay strong and I will see you when you get here." She replied.

I packed my stuff, heading out the door to leave. I said bye to Tavie, Lexie, Nick and Cole , kJanet and I got on the highway to leave. While I was in the car, I was thinking to myself "I can't believe this...how am I going to get over the fact that He is gone? What's going to happen next? How is life going to be without him? How will my grandma be?" I never knew anyone that died in my family that I was so close to. he was more than my Grandpa. He was my dad and best friend. I will take things one step at a time and I will be okay. He is gone but I will never forget about him.

He has been dead for about three months now and I must admit I am doing better than I thought I would. Realizing that he is in a better place and not suffering and is now able to walk is good. I haven't overcome it all the way but I always think about the pros and cons and it helps me a lot.