Love is a fragile thing. It’s not always given freely. But when you can, give it. Because life is also delicate. It can be snatched away with no warning.

The shiny, black coffin glistened. I walked over and sneaked a peek. The icy , body lay there. Pale, unmoving, relaxed. A 21 year old with a brown goatee on a narrow, oval face. I could only manage a quick look. It filled me with dread, knowing that he should not be there. And yet, he was...from an unknown causes. I sat down by my mom. I had never seen her cry.Tears trickled down her face as she sat, remembering. It scared me. It was my first funeral. I was crying too. The air was tense with sadness and cries pierced the air. Tissues littered the pews, soaked with salt. Hugs, flowers, condolences. But it doesn't really help. The loss is still there. That gap, never really healing.

After the eulogies and songs and prayers, the coffin was loaded into the hearse. My mom and I got in the car,and followed the long line of others along the road. Driving, I saw the cars coming the opposite way, pull over to the side as a sign of sympathy. We arrived at the graveyard and headed to his gravestone. They placed my cousin in the hard, dirty, muddy ground.Standing there I wondered, are funerals really for the dead? Or are they for the living?

I used to have nine cousins. Now I have eight. For some reason I was always awkward around him. Always embarrassed. I still don't know why to this day. I guess he wasn't very social or talkative but was still nice and sweet. We never really talked. Yes, we exchanged words, but they had no meaning. No deep thought.

Never...never...never. I never knew he liked knights and castles. The old medieval times. Swords and shields. Now I do. I never told him I loved him. Unspoken words. Those bear hugs I gave his sister, but never him. There were hugs, but they short, quick and still awkward. The word "why?" haunts me. Why did he die so young? Why did he leave without my words of comfort? Why did he die, not knowing I cared about him? Why is life so unfair? This is my biggest regret. It broke my heart when I realized I would never be able to tell him that I loved him. It left a hole inside me that can never be filled.

Now, I’m cautious. I never want to lose someone I care about without them knowing how important they are to me. But we can’t live in the past, we can only push towards the future. Like a freight train, that keeps going and going. It has stops, but in the end, it pushes onward. If we keep going backwards, how will we ever move forward?