Hello.
My name is Rachel.
Christmas break is over tomorrow.
AlI can say about that would be very “inappropriate” so I shall keep quiet. I could never be inappropriate because Thumper’s mom on Bambi says, ‘If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all.’
I can already feel myself changing again. My mind is preparing for school. It’s preparing me for the pressure I will feel when talking to my peers, knowing that any wrong word will set off the imaginary bomb and blow me up. I’m yelling, I’m getting angry more often, I’m acting cool and smug, even around my family, and it’s not my fault. I’ve even been imagining coming back to school, trying to envision situations in which I will be mean or I will be funny.
It’s terrible.
I’m a bad person at school. I’m even worse because I’m not going to try and change how I act anytime soon. If I’m not the way I am, I’m not good enough. I don’t really think that I’m good enough anyway, but that’s fine. I can manage.
You know how they say, ‘change will be good’ or ‘change will be bad’? Well, I disagree. You know what I say?
Change will be different.
Because it will, no matter what. You could get a puppy, and it will need taking care of, exercise, food and water, and most of all, time. It may be a little work, but in the long run, it will be a good outlook, with a little sprinkle of bad when it tinkles on your carpet.
It is not all good. It is not all bad.
Me going back to school, in my perspective, is a terrible, terrible thing. I have to get up a lot earlier, go to sleep earlier, exhaust myself with work, and deal with stupid teenagers on PMS and/or drugs. It is a 117.5559% bad change.
This is how I see it anyway, but if my parents looked at it, I would be getting an “education” (if only they still did that in schools), and I would be “learning responsibility.”
It is all bad to me. All good to them.
Change may be good,
Change may be bad,
Change may be acceptable,
Change may make everyone mad.
No matter how hard anyone tries,
or what variables are included,
what happens before or after change,
or any of that,
Change will be different.