The most difficult time in my life has been these few months.  I’ve been lied to, cheated on, used, and have been completely stressed out, and along with that comes the normal stressful daily routine of being a junior in high school. The way I have been feeling lately has just been overwhelming. The only way I have been able to stay afloat is the thick cinnamon smell of my grandfathers’ homemade food.  My grandfather has been there for me my whole life, and he has been the greatest influence.  Since these problems have been occurring, he has been there and has given me great advice, and even better food.  His food keeps me sane and keeps me wanting to challenge each and every one of my problems and conquer them; however, I need to get a different view on my problems and get solutions to fix them and get over them. 

The big problem that hurts me the most right now is being lied to.  This hurt worse than anything I have ever felt before in my life like my heart split and was torn in half.  My friend, a special friend, whom I thought I could tell everything to, be connected to, and always be with, lied to me.  (I mean my ex-girlfriend).  I know I’m only in high school that this shouldn’t bother me at all and is going to be irrelevant in ten years, but right now it is tearing me apart inside, slowly but surely driving me insane.  The worst part is that I still continue to talk to this person, letting this person keep trying to come back, and every time I let her, I get treated like a puppet.   I am getting dragged around, thrown around and being bent so I could make her happy, and maybe make her want to stay.  Part of me just keeps going back to this person because of the memories and all of the marvelous times we had spent together, and nothing can ever take them away. I cherish the moments when we would gaze at the brightly lit stars during the black silent nights, cuddled while watching movies with the volume low, so we could talk to each other but still hear the movie, and the long nights spent in deep conversations. I loved all my time and money to prove to this person how much she meant to me.  But the other half of my heart knows better.  It’s just so overwhelming, and sometimes it feels like too much.  I personally just want this to stop and to not have to deal with this stress and bitter after taste of regret and pity.  However, despite my best efforts, I feel that I haven’t.  I have talked to my grandfather about this, seeking better advice that can help me.  He tells me this, “You just have to either move on or try harder.  You have to understand that it will never be the same, and I can’t see you be hurt.”  Every week I keep thinking to myself, ‘When will this get better,’ or I would say, ‘Will this ever be better?’

Sometimes though, even this doesn’t top the iceberg of my problems in this difficult time in my life.  My social life has also suffered miserable.  It slowly happened, and before I knew it, I had few friends who were willing to talk to me or hang out with me.  I became so depressed and stressed out.  My life at home is just as crazy.  With my mom just never being home because of her ridiculous hours at work, I’m stuck being the babysitter.  My stepbrothers are there with me but never come out of the room to talk.  It’s like we live in a prison.  I’m locked in a cell by myself, not allowed to talk or move.  The perfection of dining room, living room, and rest of the house must be in order to stop the Queen from unleashing her wrath upon us.  The magical phrases echo throughout the house: “Why is this out!?” or the famous, “Why haven’t you done this yet!?”  Her screams, yelling, and nagging every three seconds make me get up and do the work my brothers should be doing.   The list my own chores just seems like it would take me all night to complete, let alone my brothers’ chores I have to do. I also can’t forget about the complete mountain of homework waiting to be done.  It’s like a guillotine, waiting patiently over my head waiting to strike me and make me suffer for hours doing my dreaded homework.

Recently, I became employed in a job, and this has added even more stress than I thought possible.  It’s not that it is hard work; it is just so boring with no one to talk to, and I am the youngest worker there.  I feel like a baby running with the adults.  I know that is how they think of it too, like they are “holding my hand,” teaching me how to do the job. I think they treat me poorly too.  Soon after starting work at Wendy’s, I asked my grandfather again for more advice because he always knows what to say or do, so I can deal with it.  He actually had something for this, which surprised me, and he said, “You have to deal with it. Be the bigger person and learn and show them that you aren’t a baby.  Make them treat you like a man.” But there has to be some good in my life, right?

So far being a junior in high school who is sixteen going on seventeen during Halloween, I feel like overall, though, I have a great life.  My parents may be split, and my father isn’t the best; but they care and love for me.  That is something that will never change.  Still, though, I need to get over my problems because in ten years all of this will be irrelevant.  This is what I am going to do:  I am going to stand up for myself and stop being spineless.  I am going to stop letting myself be this way, (being antisocial) and start talking with people and work to become great friends with them.  In two years am I ever going to see them again?  Most likely not, however though, I want to get to know more interesting people, and I am going to make the most out of high school.

My grandfather told me this, and I believe it is the best advice I have ever been given.  He said, “You only have two more years of high school left, and only so much time to live.  You need to take the risks and talk with people you don’t know and get over the problems you have now.  Most importantly, have fun.  Chances are ten years down the line you’re going to be upset and regret you never did.”