On December 19, 2012, my grandfather, Thomas Maslowski, passed away. It was devastating to hear this. I had no idea until I returned from school, and we drove to my grandparents’ house. At first, I was completely oblivious.

“Are we coming to talk to Grandpa?” I asked. I didn’t get any response, so I simply stayed quiet until we got inside. The atmosphere seemed different here than it did before. What had happened? At first, I wasn’t sure. But when I saw Father Chris, the priest of St. Pius X, I knew. Something was wrong. Very wrong. I walked up the stairs to find the worst thing I could ever have imagined. Everyone was in tears. Grandpa looked like he was… sleeping? But if he was sleeping, then why was everyone crying? I didn’t understand it. But then, my mom came up to me and hugged me. Through her tears, she explained what had happened. My grandfather had laid down to take a nap, and hadn’t woken up. He had died peacefully in his sleep.

“No!” I wailed, burying my face in my hands. It couldn’t be true! Could it? I had never felt so torn in my life. A small part of me wanted to accept that he was dead, that he had gone to a better place. But the other parts of me wanted to believe he was still alive, just asleep. What could I do either way? It was then that Father Chris began to speak.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” He began, “And I’d like to begin by saying that Tom was a great man. He always put others before himself.” He bowed his head in prayer.

We all prayed that my grandfather had made it safely to heaven, and that God would watch over him. We also prayed that he would watch over us, and we would all keep our memories of him strong.

The next day, I didn’t want to go to school. I wanted to stay home and cry. I didn’t want to go through all 7 hours of school, take tests, get homework, and then come home and have to do all of it, I wanted to curl up in a ball and forget school even existed. But life isn’t like that. Life forces you to get up, get ready, get your butt to school, and deal with it. I didn’t have any choice. So I did just that. When I got to school, I was broken down. I cried, alone in a bathroom stall, until classes started. I cried in the hallways on the way to my next class. It was just too soon. I wasn’t ready to deal with the stress. It was just too much to handle at once! I was tempted to give up, and give in to depression and commit suicide. But instead, I kept going.

In Girl Scouts, we were about to try to earn our Silver award. I decided I would do something to honor my grandfather, but also keep the theme with LaughFest. I called it Operation S.M.I.L.E., which stood for: Strive More In Life Everyday. The project involved people frosting smiles on cupcakes, to remind them to smile everyday. I ended up getting featured in a newspaper article!

The point of this is, yes, I will be constantly fighting to keep smiling. This experience will stay with me for the rest of my life, and I will still be hurt on the inside. But I decide how I act, how I feel, and how others will see me. This is my life! And I am going to keep living it, no matter what!