It wasn’t until I heard the word ‘sister’ that I realized the funny feeling in my stomach wasn’t made-up. It was jealousy- and a bit of hatred. My smile faltered then grew bigger, becoming a perfect stage smile that I’d mastered at the age of 7 when I learned to keep my hurt feelings inside. I looked at who I thought to be my best friend and asked the one word that would change my life forever.

“Sister?” my smile never faded
“Yea…” she replied “Like more than best friends you know?”

Amalia turned to Leisa and gave her a half hug. They turned in line while I stepped in behind them considering what had just happened. SIsters? I had thought Sisters? What the hell? They’ve barely known each other a month and their already sisters? She finally called me her best friend like 6 months after we met. The lunch lines paced quickened and as I grabbed my food and punched in my student ID. As I stepped out I surveyed the lunch room, all while walking towards the spoons and forks section never faltering once. I didn’t turn my head as I picked up what I needed. It was the start of 7th grade and we had barely made it in a month and I already had my best friend Amalia gone and get a new one and have my other ‘best friends’ turn against me. As I walked toward my usual lunch table I saw Leisa sit down while the other girls looked at me and laughed. I saw Amalia hesitate to sit, looking my way, oh so now she cares, I thought, all while nodding my head. She saw and sat a smile starting on her face If you looked hard enough you might think it was a sad smile, or maybe your eyes would start playing tricks on you because it had been minutes since you blinked.

They called themselves ‘The Fabulous Four’ and were inseparable. Angnu and Dashawana were the worst. They never got tired of laughing when they saw me trip, bribing other people to humiliate me, or just plain insulting me when they down right knew I could hear but pretended they didn't. To this day I haven't forgotten, I forgave, but I didnt forget. The other two, Leasha and Tegan weren't as bad. They laughed along and encouraged the rest of the group but never actually said anything or told someone to do something as far as I could tell. I swerved past their table, rolling my eyes at the boys who sat on the end noticing when I walked by, laughing.

“Hey Jew!” one of them called

Swallowing the lump in my throat and trying to conceal the anger in my eyes I sat down with my friends at the table parallel to theirs. When this started happening I-thank god- reconnected with old friends I had forgotten about. And made some new 6th grade ones too.

“I’ll be right back” I said, setting down my tray “I’m gonna go say Hi to the 6th graders”

Jogging away from the table, knowing I don't have much time before someone tries to take my spot, I jogged as quickly as I could to the other side of the lunchroom and slid down next Felix.

“Hey favorite 6th grader” I said hugging him

“Oh really?” someone said from behind me.

I looked over my shoulder and found Gina aka gia standing there smiling.

“I meant boy 6th grader” I replied laughing “You know youre my favorite…”

I stood up and hugged her letting her take my spot. Looking over at my own table I smiled and excused myself jogging back. That’s when I heard them say I had a mustache-Leisa and  laugh.
That was when I realized this was just the beginning

8 months later here we are. Surprised I even made it. Not that I made it out healthy. Asthmas at the bottom of my list with social anxiety, noncardiac chest pain, costochondritis, and fainting spells filling up my doctors bill. Not to mention my self consciousness about my weight, appearance and clothes that fill up almost 50% of my time. With all my ‘friends’ turned against me i'm ending this year with nothing but anger and determination.

Im ready to face them.

And this time: I will win.