Believe it or not, there once was a spider that found the meaning of life. The spider was searching for a new house to stay in. It had wandered and wandered, but everywhere it went it found nothing but trees and ants. Until one day, it stumbled upon a little cottage in the woods. It was dimly lit as the sun was setting. It looked like it had been there for many years, and had hundreds of stories to tell. It had multiple signs saying stay away, and multiple traps designed to keep people away.

But the spider didn't care, because they’re a spider

And so the spider went under all the traps designed for people. Passing ants and flies it would one day catch in its web. The spider found a crack underneath the door and entered through there. It was about what you’d expect from a cottage in the middle of the woods. Not much of anything. A candle was lit on a wooden table with empty plates surrounding it. There was a recently made bed in the corner of the little cottage. And there was a nice fire going in the fireplace that warmed the place up, with a carpet that lay right in front of it. It must have been the most clean, well kept cottage in the world. The last thing it needed was a spider to build its web and ruin the perfect cottage.

But the spider didn't care, because they’re a spider.

And so the spider built its web in the corner of the house, and weeks flew by. It caught many flies looking for food, many insects looking for prey. But the spider noticed something odd. In the weeks it had been in that cottage, not a thing changed. Not a person came by, not a single soul other than the spider and its food. Even the candle seemed to stay burning, never melting the wax. And so the spider got curious. It decided to explore the little cottage, out of boredom, or maybe just for fun. The spider searched every drawer, every cabinet it could find. It searched underneath the bedsheets of the cozy bed, and it nearly fell asleep. The spider was going to head back to its web to check if any food had arrived, when it noticed something underneath the rug in front of the fireplace. There was a metal trap door right underneath the rug. It was sealed shut, except for the tiniest crack imaginable. If a human saw this, they might be intimidated by the eeriness of the trap door. They might decide it's best to not go in.

But the spider didn't care, because they’re a spider.

And so the spider crawled through the tiny crack in the trapdoor. It found itself, at a stairway, with metal surrounding it on either side. The stairway went down and down, so far down the spider couldn't see the bottom. But the spider was determined to see what was at the end of the stairs, so they crawled on all eights. For the spider, it took 5 hours to get down those enormous stairs, for you and me, maybe about 3 minutes. But it made it nonetheless, and at the end of those giant stairs, it found a door. There was a light shining from underneath the door, and there was the faint sound of multiple people talking. A human like you or me might have seen this and gotten scared. We probably would've ran back up the stairs and run away from the cottage. 

But the spider didn't care, because they’re a spider.

And so the spider crawled underneath the metallic door, and what it saw amazed it. A laboratory full of scientists and workers were walking around, conversing with each other. They all discussed theories that would confuse even you and me, let alone a spider. The spider made its way across the enormous laboratory the size of a hospital. It dodged getting smushed as it traversed the halls, which was a difficult task because of how big the lab was. It kept crawling under the never changing metallic scenery with white lights buzzing overhead. But then it heard a voice over the loudspeaker.

“Attention all staff, the experiment will begin shortly. Please make your way to the viewing chamber”

And just like that, a crowd started to rush past the spider. The spider quickly climbed up a wall and followed all the people running by. The spider thought that maybe what it was doing wasn't safe, and that it shouldn't risk its own safety to see something it didn't know about.

Except the spider didn't actually think that, because it's a spider.

And so the spider arrived in a massive area with all the other scientists, and even the janitors who acted like they were cleaning. The spider clung to a wall as it examined the massive room. It had white tile flooring, gray metallic walls, and the white lights the spider had seen so many of. But the biggest stand out to the spider was the giant glass window in front of the room, where everyone was staring. On the other side of the glass, was a small chamber where a single book laid on a pedestal. It seemed almost as if it were glowing, radiating some warm energy that would make anyone instantly feel peaceful. And also on the other side of the glass, was a man in a hazmat suit, standing far away from the book as if it would bite him. The air in the room felt ominous, and dangerous. Any sane insect would have scurried out of the room.

But the spider didn’t care, because they’re a spider

Then a voice on the intercoms broke the silent whispering among the scientists in the room. The voice sounded excited and eager, as if it was trying to say what it wanted to say as fast as it could out of anticipation. The voice said loudly

“After so many months of searching and searching, we have finally found the book that will be a major turning point in our research! The book that holds all the secrets and meaning to life! Each one of us have been waiting for this day, and it's finally here! So without further ado, lets see what the true meaning of life is!” 

The crowd roared in excitement, they all started cheering and clapping. The spider would’ve started cheering and clapping too, it would have stood on its 2 back legs and clapped with its other 6 legs.

Except the spider didn't do that, because they’re a spider.

So the spider stayed in that corner, observing all the excited scientists hug and shake each other's hands in pure joy. And then the scientist on the hazmat suit started to slowly creep towards the book. The crowd immediately grew silent, the room instantly grew colder as they did. Then giant screens flickered on the walls, they were overhead camera shots of the book, so that everyone could see and read its contents. As the scientist in the hazmat suit grew closer and closer to the book, the spider could hear nothing, nothing at all. Except for the faint buzz of a fly, on the other side of the glass.

This the spider did care about, because they’re a spider.

The spider instantly took off to the class, passing all the scientists who were now unknowingly holding in their breaths. The spider managed to find a crack underneath the glass and pushed its way into the other side. The spider scurried past the scientist in the hazmat suit who didn't even bat an eye. The scientist just crept closer and closer to the book, they were almost there at this point. The spider quickly climbed up to the ceiling where the fly unsuspectingly sat, none the wiser. And like a tiger pouncing on its prey, the spider quickly injected its venom into the fly. The fly tried flying away, but the spider wrapped the fly in its web, and lunch was served. And then, suddenly, a bright light filled the room. It was cold, it was warm. It was scary, it was comforting. It was terrifying, it was beautiful. The spider looked at the source of the light, and saw that it was coming from the book. The words on the book seemed to be everchanging, swimming in the book like a nice hot spring. The scientists all dropped their jaws in awe, they all stared in complete amazement. The spider also would have dropped its jaw, it too would have stared in shock at the miracle before it.

But the spider just stared at the light, because they’re a spider

And then something strange happened, the spider noticed that the scientist in the hazmat suit seemed to collapse with his eyes open. Inside his eyes, the spider could see bright swirls, and then the spider noticed that the scientist had stopped breathing. And then one by one, the scientists on the other side of the glass started to follow. They all dropped dead on the ground, with rainbow swirls in their eyes, and a big smile on their face. It was almost as if the meaning of life was too much for them to handle, almost as if it flooded their brains and overloaded them with data. The spider too, was flooded with the meaning of life. Galaxies swam before its eyes. The spider saw everything that ever was and will ever be. They saw lives start and end, stars form and explode. The spider saw the edge of the universe, they saw the other side of a blackhole. And most importantly, they saw the meaning of life. Any person like me or you would’ve dropped dead like the scientists, with swirls in our eyes.

But the spider didn't really care about the meaning of life, because they’re a spider

And so the spider pushed all its newfound knowledge to the back of its brain, discarding it like a piece of trash. As far as the spider was concerned, the meaning of life was to eat the delicious fly in front of it. And so the spider did just that. The spider completely ignored life's greatest knowledge, and sat basking in the book's light while it ate the fly. When the spider was done, it crawled past the crack in the glass, past all the dead scientists, and left the room, as if nothing ever happened. The spider crawled through the brightly lit halls, they crawled past all the labs and the workstations. Then they climbed back up the stairs, back through the crack in the trap door. And then the spider arrived back in its cozy little cottage. To the spider, the meaning of life was to go back to its web, and catch as much food as it could. None of the secrets of the universe mattered to the spider, none of humanity's greatest concerns even phased the spider. The spider just climbed back up to its web, and waited for food.

And although the spider didn't care, they were at peace.