A Pocketful of Posy | Teen Ink

A Pocketful of Posy

January 29, 2011
By Riley_C GOLD, Gaithersburg, Maryland
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Riley_C GOLD, Gaithersburg, Maryland
16 articles 8 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends." -Brendon Urie

Author's note: One thing I do want people to get from this is that even someone without a memory and enormous struggles can do whatever she sets her mind to. If it's possible for her, it's possible for anyone.

Preface: The right light flashed. I hit the brakes and exhaled. It was only my fifth day of driving solo, and so far things were going well. Maybe I wasn’t giving myself enough credit-I was TERRIFIED of something happening. My phone began to ring, and I could almost hear my mom warning me against getting it. But I was at a stop light! When I looked down and saw my boyfriend’s picture blinking, the deal was sealed. “Hello?” I answered. “Hey Posy.” I could almost see the smile on his face. “Luke.” I, myself, couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on my own. “What’s up?” “Nothing much.” He responded. “Except that I just scored us tickets to Monbay.” “What?” I shrieked, clutching the phone. “No WAY! How?” “I know a guy. Anyways, clear your schedule on the fourteenth. We’re going to see them, third row from the front.” “Oh my God I think I love you. Monbay?” I squealed. “I canNOT believe we’re going to see them! I love you! You’re the best boyfriend ever!” Luke laughed. “You know I love you too, or why would I get the tickets?” “Um, because they’re the best band EVER?” “They’re decent.” He conceded. I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t stop smiling. Luke came a long way from hating them, like he had when I first met him. I felt giddy. I was going to see Monbay, with the love of my life, in the THIRD row! Someone honked behind me, and looking up, I saw the green light glaring down at me. “S**t.” I swore, hitting the brakes and tearing down the road. “Pose, where are you?” Luke asked suspiciously. I gulped. “In the car?” “Driving?” “No, I’m enjoying a picnic lunch in my driveway.” I rolled my eyes for real this time. Luke had always been a bit too protective when it came to me driving on my own. HE’D been driving for a year now, and thought that I couldn’t handle it. That I was too nice to deal with all the crazy bi**hes on the road. “Call me back when you’re parked. And be careful.” He said firmly, then hung up. I groaned, but I couldn’t get too mad at him. He was just looking out for me, and besides, he had just gotten us tickets to see Monbay in six days. I turned onto a side road and continued driving. My Aunt’s was only another ten, fifteen minutes away from here, and this shortcut would get me there faster. The only thing I didn’t like about it-it was basically in the middle of the woods, and while driving, you were basically cut off from all civilization. To shake off the creepy feeling I was getting, I plugged in my iPod and turned on Monbay, as loud as I could stand. “Don’t love a liar, only break your heart, can’t love someone truthful, only make you feel worse.” I shouted along with the song. I could sing, I guess, but ever since...no, I didn’t want to think about it. I preferred heavy metal, or hard rock music now. Nothing too moving, nothing I’d feel compelled to actually sing along to. At that moment, I felt a tremble under my feet. Then I heard a loud screeching sound. My blood ran cold. That sound-I knew that sound! I wanted to get out and fight, but when I tried to stop I couldn’t! Panicking, I tried to open the door, but it was stuck! “No, no, no, no, no, NO!” I shouted, trying desperately to focus on steering the car. Fighting was out. Escaping was out. So all I had left was to try and stay alive. It became increasingly difficult to do so, as the car seemed to be gaining speed, instead of loosing it. I tried to turn off onto the highway, but the wheel turned me onto the path that rose above the trees, winding up the small mountain. “Seriously?” I gritted my teeth and tried desperately just to stay on the road. The speedometer reached 129, and I felt a breakdown coming. Why was I being attacked now, after four years! What was going on? I was new at this whole driving thing, and my car gets hijacked by them? Now? All of a sudden, several things happened at once. The sky crackled with thunder, lightning struck the ground right in front of me, the steering wheel whirled, throwing the car off the road, my seatbelt jerked my body to a stop, my car was falling through the air, rolling and flipping and my phone began to ring. A sickening impact then-everything went black. Chapter 1: Something was wrong. I knew it, even before I was fully awake. I felt warm and cozy, lying on a soft bed and wrapped in warm blankets, but something just wasn’t right. I opened my eyes and saw that I was in a hospital room, with doctors and nurses bustling around. There were also three strangers conversing with one doctor, who looked to be in charge, looking worried and heartbroken. I cleared my throat, and the doctor stopped talking and walked over to me, the people trailing in his wake. “It’s nice to see you up and about.” He greeted me pleasantly. “I’m Dr. Goldstein.” “What happened?” My voice sounded groggy. “You were in a pretty serious accident. Your car drove right off the road. You fell a long way. To be honest, you’re lucky to be alive.” Dr. Goldstein informed me seriously. I gulped, trying to remember. But nothing in his story rang any bells, whatsoever. None of it sounded familiar. “I-I don’t remember.” I stammered. Two of the strangers exchanged a look. I guessed they were married, and the little girl was their daughter. But what they were doing here...it was beyond me. The doctor nodded, like this confirmed something. “That’s fine. Now if you can, will you answer some questions?” I nodded. “Good. Where were you going when you had your accident?” I shook my head. “I don’t remember.” “What were you doing when your car drove off the road?” “I don’t know.” “What time was it?” “I’m not sure.” I didn’t even remember having a car! “Okay, let’s move on to something a little easier.” Dr. Goldstein said kindly. “What color is your car?” “Um...blue?” I guessed. He looked at the two people, and the woman shook her head. “It was white.” She said in a small voice. The doctor turned back to me. “Who’s your best friend?” “My best friend? Um...uh...hmm. I don’t really, well, I don’t know.” I was feeling increasingly frustrated. “Your mother’s name?” “I don’t know.” “The color of your eyes.” “My eyes?” I felt so stupid-how could I NOT know! He seemed to sense my distress and moved on. “How old are you?” “I don’t-I can’t-” “And your name?” “I-I-I-” Tears sprung to my eyes. I was a complete idiot. “Calm down, it’s completely normal.” Dr. Goldstein assured me, then turned to the other people. “It’s just as I suspected. She has retrograde amnesia.” “What’s that?” The man asked, pale-faced and clutching his wife tightly. “Your daughter has no recollection of her life prior to waking up just now. She can’t access the memories, but they’re there. She still knows what things are, like how she knows she’s in a hospital, but she doesn’t know who you are. She also might be able to retain previous skills, like dancing or singing.” “Oh my goodness.” The woman-my mother?-gasped. “Relax. Her memories should come back in time as her past is slowly reintroduced to her. Key word, slowly. You can’t pour everything back on her, or expect her to immediately recollect everything. It could take weeks, months, and in some cases, years. It’s very important not to stress her out or pressure her into remembering. In some cases, she won’t ever. And it’s also crucial, I cannot stress this enough, that when she’s getting reacquainted with people she knew, that they treat it like a first-time meeting with her. They can tell her about what they were to her, stories they’ve shared, things they’ve done, but not frustrate her or push her too hard. And in these beginning, early-on stages, it’ll be very easy to lie and manipulate her. So be careful who you let see her. The bottom line is that she may never be the same person she was again, so you shouldn’t expect that of her.” There were tears in the little girl’s eyes. I felt them in mine, too. I was suddenly scared. So this is what was wrong. I didn’t know who I was. “Can we-can we take her home?” The woman asked. the doctor nodded. “Of course you can. Just give me a few minutes to get things in order, then she’s all yours. I think we should schedule a check-in in about a week.” They nodded, and the doctor, smiling sympathetically at me, left the room. The little girl stared at me with wide, blue eyes. “So Posy doesn’t remember anything?” She asked in a trembling voice. The woman leaned down and hugged her daughter. “No sweetie, she doesn’t.” “Not even me?” “No, honey. I’m sorry.” The little girl looked at me with such sadness that it broke my heart. “But I’d like to know you.” I said. “What’s your name?” “Grace.” She mumbled, shuffling her feet. “Grace. What a pretty name. You’re my-my sister?” “Yes.” Grace breathed, not looking at me now. “Well, Grace, how old are you?” She held up ten fingers then put down four. “Six?” She nodded. “So you’re six. Wow, what a big girl you are. I would’ve thought you were eleven, at least.” Grace smiled shyly up at me. “Eleven? Really?” I nodded vigorously. “Oh yeah. You look so grown-up! Do you want to tell me about yourself?” Grace, seeming to feel a lot better, sprung onto my bed and launched into speech. “Well, I’m Grace, four years-old and your little sister. We’re really close. Whenever I have nightmares you always let me sleep with you, and rub my back, telling me it’s okay, it’s just a dream, and then I fall asleep. Whenever you get scared I hug you and make it all better. I have a pony named Lily and you have a horse named Katy. They’re both sisters, too. My favorite ice-cream is strawberry, and yours is triple-chocolate-chunk, always on a sugar cone NEVER a waffle cone. You think waffle cones taste like styrofoam, but I ALWAYS have mine on a waffle cone with rainbow sprinkles. Our favorite movie is the Little Mermaid. You cry when she ends up with her prince, every time we watch it. I love jump-roping and you love to read books up in our tree in the front yard. I’m a champion jump-roper, with three hundred and twenty one jumps. Macy Miller never saw it coming. We have a cat, Marmaduke, who you named after the dog that almost killed him. You saved it. I adore him and you tolerate him because I love him so much, and seeing me happy makes you happy. When I grow up, I want to be a veterinarian. You want to be a ballerina.” She hesitated. “Is that enough? Do you remember everything now?” I felt a little overwhelmed, but mostly relieved. A little was coming back, or at least what she said felt right. I could tell that I’d really loved her, because I was already feeling ready to throw myself in front of a bus for this little girl. “What you said I do, sort of.” I confessed. Grace, seeming satisfied, snuggled back against me. I looked up, hesitantly, to the woman and man. “So you two are...” “Your parents, sweetie. I’m Eveline Morgan, your mom.” She smiled at me. “I’m Ted Morgan, your father.” He supplied, smiling at me. I sensed him and I were good pals, and that I was close to my mom in a loving, but not teasing, kind of way. But that was it. “Hi...I’m sorry I don’t remember you both, or Grace. But you all seem very lovely!” I blurted out, cheeks pinkening as I looked down at the little girl in my arms. “That’s fine, honey. We’re just glad that you’re alright.” Eveline sat down on my bed and smoothed out my blankets. “Your mother is right. the car wasn’t so lucky though. This is what happens when you talk and drive.” Ted told me, half-joking. “Is that what happened?” I asked weakly. “Well, the police said there was a phone call answered right before the accident was guessed to have happen, so...” She saw the look of horror and shame on my face and hurried on, “Don’t feel to badly, it was only your fifth day on the road! I mean, no one could’ve guessed that...that this...” My eyes welled up with tears. “I’m sorry that I killed your daughter.” “What do you mean?” Ted asked, sitting down on the other side of me. I was fighting against my tears. “I mean, I used to be your daughter, and Grace’s sister, and I probably had loads of other people I knew and loved. There were things I hated and loved, probably things that defined who I was. I must’ve had my flaws and good points, and now I don’t even have those. No more reasons for doing what I did or opinions or morals or beliefs...” I gasped, “I could be anyone, and I’m not who your daughter was. My stupid mistake made her go away forever.” Eveline, my mom, was crying, and my dad looked concerned. “Pumpkin, don’t even think for a second that we could be mad at you. You’re still in there somewhere, don’t worry.” “But you heard the doctor. I might never remember.” Tears fell down my cheeks. He gripped my shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes. “Then I’m sure we’ll love the new you just as much as we did the old. Besides, don’t teenagers always change? You’re just going to change a little more than the average teen. So, overall, nothing really new is going on.” Ted was firm on this, and I could hear the love in his voice. I couldn’t help but laugh through my tears. I thought that this kind of thinking might be common with Ted Morgan. I hoped it was. At home, things just got worse. Eveline sat me down and said, “Your name is Aurora Morgan, but everyone calls you posy.” “Why?” It sounded like a funny nickname for me. Then again, I didn’t even know who that was at the moment. “Because when you were born your grandma sent you posies of flowers, and at every holiday after she would do the same. Still does, in fact. It was natural that they became your favorite word. You loved the posies so much that when you were six you started calling yourself Posy, and it just caught on.” “Okay.” I replied helplessly. She stared at me for a moment, then looked away. I could tell she as disappointed that I couldn’t remember, which only made me feel worse, but there was nothing I could do about it! “You’re sixteen,” She continued, “And are in all honors classes. You’re a very bright student. You used to tolerate school, only liking it because you got to see your friends and boyfriend.” “I have a boyfriend?” I interrupted, thinking of how awkward that would be. “Yes, sweetie. You’ll meet him tomorrow. He’s very worried.” Eveline nodded, then fished in her purse for something. She handed me a phone. “This is yours. You had it on you in the crash...somehow it made it.” I nodded and accepted the phone. It felt familiar in my hands. “Posy...do you want to look at any photo albums or just go to bed?” “Photo albums.” I answered immediately. “I want to remember as much as possible, or at least try.” I didn’t like this feeling, of having no past. It was weird. Eveline laughed. “Just like always. Proactive as ever.” She went into the other room for a moment before returning with two heavy albums in her hands. “Would you rather look at them alone?” She asked, hovering in front of me. “No, maybe you telling me what that even was would help.” I admitted. She sat down next to me and opened the first, and biggest, one. She flipped to the first page. “This is your father and I’s wedding. If you couldn’t tell, I was already pregnant with you.” I noticed my mom’s slightly bulging stomach. “Little bit.” I laughed. “You’re glowing.” She almost blushed, her fingers tracing the picture absently. “Yes, I suppose I was. It was one of the happiest days of my life, marrying Ted. He’s a good man, you know. I love him so much.” “I can tell.” I whispered. Eveline turned the page. “That’s you.” She pointed at the scrawny pink baby. “Weren’t you beautiful?” I raised my eyebrows at the wrinkly munchkin screaming in the arms of my mother. “Um...I guess?” She laughed again. “Trust me, you were.” I shrugged, wanting to move on. The next page pictures of a little girl with blonde curls piled on top of her head and chubby cheeks smiling a toothy grin up at the camera. She was wearing a tiara and waving around a little blue elephant and unwrapping another gift. She had blue eyes, like Eveline. “Your first birthday.” Eveline informed me. “You love Moe-moe.” “Moe-moe?” I choke back a laugh. “I named my elephant Moe-moe?” “You were only one. It was the closet thing to ‘mama’, which was about all you could say. Well, that and ‘up’.” I smiled at the baby. “She looks happy. Do I still have Moe-moe?” “You sleep with him every night.” She said softly. I swallowed and turned the page. And kept turning. The photo album ended when I was ten, when Grace was born. There were lots more blank pages, but no more pictures. “We haven’t had any more time to add to this one, except for a few baby picture of Grace stuck in the binding. We’ve just been too busy...” She trailed off, then handed me the other photo album. “This one is yours. Maybe you should look at it alone. Come on, I’ll show you your room.” I got up and followed her, clutching the album to my chest, terrified of this new journey. My room would be undoubtedly filled with memories waiting to unlock. Also, no doubt, my mom would stand next to me, staring and making me feel uncomfortable, hoping against hope that I would remember something, anything. Clutching at straws. The term came to mind as I followed her up the stairs. To my surprise, however, she stood outside a door. “This is your room. I think I’ll let you get reacquainted in private.” Eveline hesitated for a moment, then kissed me on the forehead. “Good night, darling.” She smiled at me, then walked away to a door across the hall and to the right. When she was gone, I stood outside the door for several minutes, almost afraid to see what awaited me inside. I couldn’t fathom, because I didn’t know what preferences I might have. Suck it up! I told myself this a few times, took a deep breath, then opened the door. The room I stepped into was pretty average size. It had pretty light blue walls, a queen-size bed with two fluffy-looking pillows and a white, purple and blue comforter, a white desk with an apple laptop sitting on it, two picture windows and white picture frames littered the walls. They were the kind that held multiple photographs. I went over and studied them. There were two girls and one guy in one picture, and the same three sometimes split up in different pairs, repeated in many others. I guess they were best friends. The sad thing, was I couldn’t even tell who I was! Then other pictures showed a girl laughing with a different guy, or our arms wrapped around each other. One even showed us kissing. I remembered Eveline telling me I had a boyfriend. It felt really weird to see me (because I assumed it was me) macking on some dude I didn’t know. Well, couldn’t remember. I sighed, and walked over to a mirror on the opposite wall. The girl that looked back at me was alright looking, I guess. I looked a lot like Grace, except my hair was blonde and curly while hers was blonde and straight. We both had light blue eyes and the same button noses. Our cheeks both had a natural rosy glow. Rosy...Posy...maybe it would help me not go crazy if I kept reciting what I knew was true. “My name is Aurora Morgan. Everyone calls me Posy. I’m sixteen years-old. I have parents who love me and a little sister, named Grace. She’s four. I also have an elephant named Moe-Moe. And a Grandma, who sends me lots of flowers.” Short of listing all the material objects I could see, that was all I could think of. Wow. That was pretty pathetic. “Just plain sad.” I muttered, stripping off my clothes and searching through my dresser to find pajamas. I couldn’t deal with looking at that photo album tonight. I felt exhausted as it was. I slipped some on and climbed into bed, under the blue sheets and comforter. Laying my head down on a soft pillow, I saw Moe-Moe, looking a little more worn than in the picture, but otherwise unchanged, and hugged him close. It felt good, safe. This room was my core, the only rock I had to stand on. Taking another deep breath, I slowly drifted into sleep.

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