Fallen Star | Teen Ink

Fallen Star

February 21, 2011
By ljvals13 BRONZE, riverside, Connecticut
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ljvals13 BRONZE, Riverside, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being fearless isn't being 100% unafraid, it's being terrified. But you jump anyway.


The author's comments:
Sorry if there are any mistakes. Let me know if there are any, i'll fix em.

chapter 1
Charlotte


"C'mon Pepsi, lets go get a snack" I pushed open the kitchen door but noticed mom and dad were talking to each other and jumped back. Not wanting to interrupt
"We have to tell her" I heard Dads' voice
"They look serious" I told my pug scanning their expressions
"Do you think shes ready for the truth?" my mom asked secretly, sipping a mug of coffee
"Yes,Tom...I think we should tell her"

my dad agreed nodding his head quickly,
"I mean, she's really still a child..." mom uncomfortably crossed her arms
"what? you sound like my mother, she's fifteen." dad made a good point, I smiled convincingly to Pepsi.
" she's gonna find out someday, we might as well just tell her now" he reached out and grabbed moms hands lovingly.
"i guess your right, but if she gets upset, its all your fault!" mom was always concerned about my feelings, I had no i idea what they were talking about, I was getting a little scared
" I bet they're getting a divorce..." I whispered to my pug, crouching slowly behind the sofa spying on mom and dad. He gave me worried face and whimpered slightly.
"Come, lets find her" dad motioned for her to follow, She hesitated but then joined him
"Alright, here we go" Mom played with her bracelet.
they made there way out of the kitchen , I hopped up and jump over (quite athletically) onto the couch grabbing a People magazine and tried to act natural.
"Uh...Honey.. Can we talk to you" my dad stood uncomfortably in the door way standing next to mom with a worried look all over him. This was definitely about divorce, I could feel it.
"Sure" I replied slowly lowering the magazine I pretended to read from my face and looked at him. They both sat across from me exchanging anxious glances.
"we need to tell you something really important and- life changing..."
dad put his hand on moms knee and taking a deep breath.
"Clarisse and i-"
"why did you call mom 'Clarisse'" I interrupted worriedly, my brown eyes widening
"No reason, i call her Clarisse all the time. Why are you so concerned"
"Lottie, is there something wrong?" Mom reached out
"Well... are you getting a divorce?" i blurted under pressure
"Charlotte! where did you get that idea-" Mom put her hand on her heart.
"I knew it! I knew it! You're getting a divorce! I knew it!" i yelled out slapping my knees, but the expression on their faces didn't change... they just looked at me contently.
"No, we're not divorcing we need to tell you something else-"
"Just say it Tim!" mom demanded
"Well...Clarisse- isn't your mother..." he said quickly hoping I wouldn't understand and freak out.
"Oh yea. I know that. I'm adopted.....Right?" I sort of laughed at the end of my sentence, I'm from California and i was taken to Illinois when I was two, They've shown me the adoption papers, and pictures of them taking me to Illinois and seeing my new family and all.
"Not really..." he paused looking like he was about to cry.
"I'm actually your... Real father" He explained slowly then braced for impact, but I just sat there looking at him.
"What" I questioned raising my eyebrow, was this a joke? This didn't make any sense, I wanted to just freeze the moment and think.
" I'm your REAL father.." he repeated
" B-but you've shown me the adoption papers and pictures of my real dad, that's no possible unless they're..." I faded away not wanting the truth
"...fake" Dad finished
"WHAT!NO!I'M ADOPTED!YOUR NOT MY REAL DAD! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!" I exploded so many emotions coming to me at once, Pepsi crouched back scared by the shouting. I knew this was all a dream I was just about to wake up
"i told you we should have waited longer to tell her!" mom splurged
mom yelled at dad, but he just looked at her blankly "yes....I left your mother because of...relationship problems" he said it like he had just made that up. my jaw slowly dropping "Sometimes i go visit her... and i was thinking you maybe wanted to visit her sometime too?" he bit his lip worrying I would yell again, there was a long pause as I thought about it and came to a conclusion
"NO" i said strongly, my dads face melted into a frown
"but i think she'd like to see you" he attempted to convince me, but i I'm to smart.
"NO" I repeated crossing my arms, seeing mom go into a worried state knowing my dad was getting frustrated
"I would like you to see your own mother" he slightly raised his voice for emphasis
"well I don't want to! I want to stay hear with my real family!" then raising my voice, then mom shot up from her seat interrupting
"Um...Let me go make some...Some cookies! Chocolate chip, your favorite!" attempting to make the conversation less awkward
clapping her hands together then left the room quickly slowly closing the kitchen door behind her. " she is your real family!"dad burst out
" well want to stay in Springfeild! my home! where I belong! I don't want to go to this freaks house and stay with her for the rest of my life!" I shot out beginning to tear up " I like the life I have now! I don't want it to change!" I whimpered hoping my dad would feel bad for me and change his mind.
" No no no! were only visiting for a few days, she just wants to meet you! your mom is a really sweet woman, there's absolutely nothing to worry about!"
He assured me wiping a tear from my cheek. but I'm pretty sure there are a lot of things to worry about.
"don't call her my mom! But do I still have to go?" i asked hoping for a 'no'
"yes" he nodded smiling, but I didn't smile back "Start packing, the flights tomorrow morning" He stood up from his seat
"WHAT!" I yelled, It was already 9:00 pm and I still had to text all my friends I'd be gone for the whole two-week winter vacation and pack my bags. But i figured out a simple solution, i pulled out my LG Neon phone and pushed out the slide keyboard hopping it wouldn't snap off like it usually did. And made one easy text message: Going 2 CA 4 winter vaycay Ill B busy so try not 2 txt me 2 often Send to: ALL CONTACTS.Then pressed SEND, now that all my friends were out of the picture I just had to deal with meeting the mom I'd only meet once before in my life.



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This book has 7 comments.


on Sep. 9 2011 at 7:22 pm
NintaiKyouboku BRONZE, Portland, Oregon
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To win you've got to enter first."

I really don't mean to be harsh or anything, but  the "grammatical" error you pointed out is not actually a grammatical error--it has nothing to do with grammar. Also, advertising yourself on other people's works isn't what the comment section is for. 

on Sep. 9 2011 at 7:19 pm
NintaiKyouboku BRONZE, Portland, Oregon
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To win you've got to enter first."

I think this book sounds good, although there are many errors in here. I can't wait to read it!

on May. 22 2011 at 12:52 am
Writomania PLATINUM, New Delhi, Other
22 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What really does not kill you, will only make you stronger"- Kanye West
"If there was no electricity, we would've had to watch the television by candle light"- Joe Jonas
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

Hi.. the pitch seems great.. but there are a lot many grammatical errors... for indtance, how can your protagonist spend her entire free time choosing the same lip balm in the same store?

thats absurd. But then, your story looks intriguing.

Meanwhile, can you please check out my work,, "the diary of a teenaged lunatic" and leek some feedback?

thanks :)


on Feb. 23 2011 at 7:02 pm
yeah, it sucks to be a twin.

Thinker said...
on Feb. 23 2011 at 6:56 pm
The summary looks good, but I can't view the book.  I hope I can read it soon.

on Feb. 23 2011 at 8:30 am
rainbowwaffles BRONZE, Stony Brook, New York
2 articles 0 photos 89 comments
OOPS I meant a comma after "asked". Sorry. :)

on Feb. 21 2011 at 7:04 pm
rainbowwaffles BRONZE, Stony Brook, New York
2 articles 0 photos 89 comments

I think you're off to a good start. I just wanted to point out a few things you need to fix:

Remember to punctuate your dialogue correctly and capitalize the beginning of every sentence, whether it's part of the dialogue or not. Also, if you're saying that someone is doing something while doing something else, like "But do I still have to go?" I asked hoping for a 'no'. You have to include a comma after "hoped".

Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more; the summary is very interesting and I can tell the plot will be good. Keep writing!

Maybe you could check out my realistic fiction novel, The Formation, and let me know what you think? Thank you! :)