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Leaves
August 28, 2012
Summary:
"We sprinted down the smooth black road and through the muddy trail in the woods, staining our bare feet as we went. The leaves fell softly, getting tangled in our hair and crumbling between our toes. If you thought unstoppable was unreachable think again, for then you didn’t see us."
Sarah D.
Leaves
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This book has 5 comments.
Pretentious Pickle said...
on Sep. 6 2012 at 10:06 pm
I liked it a lot. I did have one problem, though. The transition between feeling no love and liking Sean was pretty quick. I thought all along she would go for Ryan. If you could throw some more comments or thoughts about Sean earlier than in that one spot, I would like it even more. Maybe you could give a whole chapter about her internal conflict about asking Sean out, which is resolved by Sean texting her first. Fix some of the grammar, and you can go higher. Keep writing! By the way, I'm Nathan B from the ning :)
SarahHarmon GOLD said...
on Sep. 6 2012 at 7:20 pm
It's funny- I went back and tried to edit as much as I could and completely skipped editing the dialogue! Anyways, your feedback really helped. Thanks a lot!
augustsun02 SILVER said...
on Sep. 4 2012 at 6:40 pm
Okay, so the first thing I noticed is that you didn't capitalize the first words in people's dialogue. I know that sometimes it isn't necessary, but, the times where it was necessary, you didn't do it. That really will distract a reader sometimes because they'll be so focused on what's wrong. However, I myself found Everleigh to be a very relatable character. I know what it's like to watch friends change before your very eyes. I actually saw that to one of my closest friends today at school. So I do indeed know what it's like to be in Everleigh's shoes. Which is something you should always aim for. You should want your characters to be relatable. That, in my personal opinion, helps give the story depth and helps make the character come to life. So great job with that. Overall it was a very well written story. I can't wait to read more of your work. Good job :)
SarahHarmon GOLD said...
on Sep. 1 2012 at 9:07 am
Author's note: I wrote this novelette during 7th grade so I am aware that there are some some grammar mistakes. Also, some may seem a little skeptical of having such a strong relationship in the first year of middleschool which is usually 5th or 6th grade. To address those skeptics: 1. In my town, middle school is only 7th and 8th grade so I made the school in my novelette the same 2. The kids in "Leaves" had to grow up fast for reasons that you may read in a later chapter. It is unfortunate for the free spirited, but it's true. I hope you enjoy and I am open to any constructive critisism!
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Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without." <br /> <br /> "Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."