I see darkness. I see nothing. I see you.


I was heading to French after an almost entire day of school. I had every little, secret hallway figured out, and it was a good thing too. I saw a glimpse of blonde hair heading towards me and I ducked into another hallway. I immediately made my decision to make a beeline towards the French classroom. That was only the first horrible decision; my next decision was to look for him. I quickly glanced behind me and right when I turned back around, there was blonde hair right in front of me.

I tried to stop, but I wasn’t fast enough at it. I was walking too fast to be able to make a complete stop in front of him. Both of our stuff had already fallen to the floor and we almost followed. He wanted to talk to me just as much as I wanted to talk to him; not at all. We scrambled to pick up our books and tried not to make eye contact. I couldn’t help but get drawn in by those blue eyes. I suddenly found myself lost in his eyes like I used to. I could stare into those gorgeous eyes for hours and it was hard to look away from him. Just the slightest look at him can take my breath away.
He caught my glance and that goofy grin slowly spread to his lips. “Hey,” he muttered. It was the first word spoken in a month between us. His voice was just as I remembered it; as smooth as velvet.

I tried to say something like “Hey Jake.” But when I opened my mouth to speak, the bell rang and we both stood up and walked away.

I couldn’t help but look back at the boy I once loved and continued to wonder why he wasn’t mine. But, of course, I already knew the answer to the question that kept me up most nights. I was the one that left him, but looked back when I walked away from him only a month earlier. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

Just now, I had to keep myself from running up behind him and hugging him. I’ve done it multiple times within the period that we dated. Even before we were together, I’d love to cling onto him and I could tell he liked it also. We were friends for what seemed like a lifetime. A lifetime that started just as soon as it stopped; from the time we exchange three wonderful words to the time we exchanged those three awful words. It didn’t matter how many times I tried to forget him; it was impossible.

Still in a daze from running into Jake, I somehow made it through my last class. I wanted to get out of the school as fast as I could. I already had all of the books I needed, so I headed straight for the bus. I did not want to spend one more second inside a school that held nothing but the memories of a time when I was happy with Jake. The hallways were always so congested after school and they always ended up causing me to waste more time. I just wanted the rest of my day to go by without something reminding me of him.

I quickly found bus #7 and escorted myself to a seat near the front. I looked around to see if my sister, Ellie, was already on the bus, which she wasn’t. Her and her little freshman friends were always gossiping by her locker. Most days she barely made it to the bus in time.

I slipped my headphones into my ears and rested my head against the bus seat. I finally saw Ellie leaving school, but before she even got on the bus, I felt the presence of a person behind me. I was unable to see the person’s reflection through the window, so I tried to casually stretch and glimpse behind me. I was starting to sit up when I heard Ellie squeal in her high-pitched voice, “Hi Jake!”

I quietly groaned and turned around to face him. It was becoming very hard to avoid him when we’ve had two run ins today. That was two more than the ideal amount.

“Since when are you on my bus?” I inquired

“Since today. I just moved yesterday because my dad found a house on North Pine.” He replied.

My heart stopped beating when he said this. I’ve been living on North Pine for my entire life and there was only one house that was for sale. Ironically enough, it was the house directly to the right of my house.

My best friend used to live in that house. Ariel Labonte and I had been friends ever since we met when we were four years old. I remember we used to tie shoelaces together and tie them onto out bedroom windows. We could send notes and other objects across the string. Through this method, we were able to talk to each other constantly.

I can still picture Ariel’s room with the sea foam green walls, light pink furniture, and her posters that she had all over the walls. I couldn’t even imagine how Jake would turn her room into his own. I came to realization that his bedroom would be directly next to mine.

While I was still deep in thought, my bus came to a jolting stop. I slung my backpack over my shoulders and headed into the direction of my house. I was the first one off of my bus, but I still kept a fast pace just in case Jake tried to catch up to me.

The bus dropped us off two blocks away from North Pine. Even after we stepped foot onto North Pine, I still had a fifteen minute walk to the beginning of my driveway. I didn’t really mind the walk too much, since I’d been doing it for years anyways. I started taking the bus in fifth grade and kept taking it everyday.

I heard somebody’s footsteps behind me around the time when I was just stepping onto my street. Ellie always got off on the stop after me so she could go over to her friend’s house for a few hours before dinner. I could hear Jake’s feet speeding up behind me as he tried to catch up to me. He was the first to break the silence.
“Brit, can I ask you a question?” He asking, using a serious tone he never used. He was always playful and acting goofy. It was one of the reasons that I fell for him in the first place.
“Sure,” I replied. “Ask anything.”
“The man selling the house- Mr. Labonte, I think- said the house had a lot of bad memories in it. Do you know why he said that?” Said Jake
“Not really, I used to be friends with his daughter but I haven’t spoken to him in years.” I hope he believe that.
“Since you were friends with her, I’m guessing you knew what the inside of the house looked like. Is there any chance that you want to see what changed on the inside?” He asked, while speeding up, as he got closer to the point.
I shrugged my shoulders, knowing that he would understand that, that meant, yes. He started telling me all about how his JV football season was coming along and when he asked me questions, I just nodded or shook my head. I didn’t feel like talking and it took him a few minutes to realize that, but we ended up walking the last five minutes in silence.
I followed him up his short driveway and waited for him to type in the code to open up his garage. He quickly typed in the code and we entered into the house that I had already been in several times. The house still basically seemed the same except for all of the boxes everywhere.
He went into his room to put down his backpack and I followed him. I didn’t want to be by myself in this house at all. Jake’s room was already a little bit unpacked and it was also already untidy. He was never really a person that kept anything clean for longer than a day, especially his room.
He had a few items of clothing lying all over the floor of his light-green room. Jake started to pick up some of the clothes and I helped him by handing him a grey t-shirt I picked up off the floor. When I lifted up the shirt, it revealed a dark red stain roughly the size of both of my sneakers combined.

“What’s that stain from?” I didn’t realize that I was staring at the stain until he broke the silence.

I knew exactly what it was from but I couldn’t get the words to come out of my mouth. Before I knew it, I could see the starting of tears coming to my eyes. I didn’t want Jake to see me cry, so I scooped up my backpack and ran out the door. I maintained a sprint until I reached my front door. While trying to blink the tears away, I fumbled for my key to open up the door.

I dropped the keys down into a bush and fell to my knees. The tears didn’t start pouring out until I felt Jake’s arms around me. He held me on my front porch until I nearly stopped crying. He found my keys in the bush and then proceeded to carry me up into my room.

“I’m sorry,” Were the only words I managed to choke out.

“For what?” He asked

“Everything.” I said

“Don’t be sorry for that anymore, it’s in the past.” He said with his blue eyes wide and full of sadness.

“Honestly, since I broke up with you I haven’t been able to cry until now.”


“Why is that?”

“That house reminded me of Ariel and why the real reason I broke up with you.”

“You can tell me, but only if it’ll make you feel better.” I saw his eyes change from sadness to sincerity.

“Ariel and I were best friends since we were only four years old and we were still friends for eleven years after that. Our parents could barely keep us separated; we were more like sisters rather than best friends. But one year ago, we were hanging out after school doing our homework. Suddenly, her face turned white and she started coughing up blood. I was so scared and the only thing I was able to do was yell for her parents. Everything happened so fast, we were all so scared for her and we didn’t know what to do until one of her parents finally called an ambulance.” I couldn’t go on. I was going to start crying again until he grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight.

“Brittany, you don’t have to go on.” Jake insisted.

“We found out she had leukemia,” I continued. “It was in her blood and there wasn’t much of anything her parents could do about it. She was always in and out of the hospital and I tried to spend as much time with her as I could. As the weeks went on, she kept getting weaker and weaker. Until one day I went to visit her and her room was empty. I knew what this meant and I couldn’t accept the fact that she was gone. I felt empty and I couldn’t bring myself to have feelings over anything, even you. I almost felt the need to break up with you because I felt like I was empty inside.” By this point I wasn’t even sure he could understand what I was saying because I was choking out each word though my tears.

I collapsed down onto my bed and he sat down on my bed right next to me and started rubbing my arm. I sat up and leaned into him and without any hesitation; he put his arms around me. I nuzzled my head into his neck and he kissed my hair multiple times.

After a while I managed to stop crying but he kept his arms around me. I almost forgot how much I missed being in his arms. His arms were so familiar to me. I used to be in them whenever I had the chance. I closed my eyes so I could savor the moment. He must’ve known that I was slowly falling asleep because I heard him whisper, “I love you Brittany Taylor.”

When he said this, I opened my eyes and kissed him on his lips and said, “I love you too Jake McAllister.” He kissed me back for double the amount of time of when I kissed him. The last thing I remember before drifting to sleep was my being wrapped in the warm arms of Jake McAllister.

When I woke up, he was already gone and there was a note lying right next to my head. It read: Had to leave to go do homework. Meet me at the bus stop at 6:30? Love Jake. I checked my alarm clock and it was only 7:30 at night.
I figured I might as well start my homework, but I didn’t get very far because I started thinking about Jake again.

I had a feeling that things might go back to the way they were, but I didn’t know if he would be willing to do that. It was obvious that he still felt the same as he did when we started dating in April. But what I didn’t know was if we would make it or not. I hoped we would because I’ve started to move on past Ariel’s death. It was the hardest thing to do, but I felt that Jake was somehow worth it.

I couldn’t focus on my homework at all. Everything about Jake was making me miss him even more; with those deep blue eyes, that gorgeous strawberry blonde hair that flowed down to just above his eyebrows. I loved how he kept his hair messy but it sill looked amazing to me. He refused to believe it, but he truly was perfect.

I really wanted to go over to his house and see him one last time tonight. I knew that his father was out on a business trip because oddly enough, our fathers were business partners. They were going to be in Texas for the next week and that was far from our little town in West Virginia. Also, since it was Friday, Ellie would be gone at her friend’s house all weekend. We were both going to be home alone all weekend. I made the decision to go over to his house but first I needed to make myself a little more presentable. Not everybody would consider bed head to be the most attractive thing.

I brushed through my light brown hair and added a little eyeliner to my emerald green eyes. After I quickly adjusted my outfit, I ran down the stairs straight to the front door. But to my surprise, I saw a giant wolf outside on my porch with its legs crouched and ready to pounce.