The day drudged on, I didn’t get any more pennies, and I didn’t have any more classes with Brian. I walked to my car, a quicker pace than normal, and threw myself into the driver’s seat. My bag was flung to the passenger’s seat, and I roughly pushed the key into the ignition. The car revved to life and after placing it into reverse, I started to make my way out of the parking lot. Out of sight of the school. Towards home where I could relax and just forget about this awful day that had me in a terrible mood for no reason at all.


After racing into my driveway, shutting off my car, and jogging into the house so I could make it to my room, and my comfy bed faster, I started to work on my homework. I hated it, but I wanted to get it done now so I wouldn’t have to worry about it for the rest of the night. My phone was sitting on the table beside my bed, and after about fifteen minutes of peaceful (hated) homework, it buzzed to life. I jumped because I wasn’t expecting a text. Most of my friends didn’t text me until later. I glanced down.

FROM: Brian.

The phone displayed the text, plain and clear…I quickly pressed the “READ” button and glanced at the text.

Haha, you kept the lucky pennies!!!
I smiled to myself because I knew he was kidding.

Hey, don’t make fun of me! They helped make my day better : ) !! lol.
I wanted to keep this conversation light, happy, because I honestly felt like he made me happy.

They weren’t actually lucky : )
I didn’t understand exactly, so I quickly replied.

What!? You mean you lied about their luckiness? : )
I didn’t really think a smiley face was necessary…but, for some unkown reason, when I was talking to Brian, I liked to insert them as much as possible.

No. They were lucky! But I didn’t find them. They were mine.
I really didn’t understand now. What was the point or purpose of it.

Oh, well I do think they helped make my day better : )

I didn’t even care if he was going to respond or not, I was just confused and could not come up with an answer of why he randomly gave me a few pennies. It would’ve been extremely easy for him to come up with another subject to talk to me about. So that wouldn’t be it.

I know. I thought you needed the luck more than me. It seemed like you did.
I felt like my heart was melting. The strange thing was, I had needed the luck today. My day had been going horrible and it hadn’t even been 9 o’clock yet. It was perfect timing to have a little luck thrown my way. Whether he meant the fact that he thought I needed the luck or not, I was just going to pretend like he did because it just made me feel a hundred times better and happier to pretend that someone cared.

Well, thank you : ) I did. Haha.
I added the extra “haha” because I felt as if it kept it lighter, more…kidding? I didn’t now. I just felt better about it. Although, the situation was nothing to laugh at.

The conversation continued for about another hour, no longer talking about pennies. I couldn’t really say everything that was said, unless I were to look back at the text messages now. But I do remember, with complete clarity, the conversation made me…happy. A foreign emotion to me. Something I hadn’t truly felt for the past five months. That was the thing though. Being around Brian, talking to Brian, made me feel ecstatic. Like things were going to get better, nothing could be bad forever.

I briefly filled him in on the details of the latest tragedy of my life, something basic…not too personal, so I knew it wouldn’t scare him away. He seemed as if he was taking in each word, actually listening…but since it was over text messaging I couldn’t exactly tell. But it gave me hope. A feeling that, when I woke up this morning, I thought was impossible to reach.

I finished my homework as I texted him, and I felt accomplished. For the first time in a long time, I felt very good about myself. The conversation eventually died, and although most times I would probably be sad that it didn’t last forever…I was happy because it was a good conversation and I was able to recall every second, every time my heart skipped a beat, every time a smile was brought to my lips.
Although, I could never remember that now, too much time has passed, I do remember that exact feeling of happiness. It could just be the way my mind works, but I have different degrees of happiness. Giddy happiness. Joyful happiness. Surprising happiness. And plain happiness. At that point in time, I was giddy…the best possible type of happiness for myself.

The next day when I woke up for school, my normal mood was not present. The aching feeling in my heart, the dread of being in the same place for six hours, had evaporated over-night. I was reeling and ready to go. If I could, I would’ve jumped out of my bed and ran to the bathroom to do my usual shower-in-the-morning ritual. I was actually…excited to go to school. Excited. Excited? The word just didn’t sound right to associate with school. But that’s exactly what I was – utterly and completely excited.
Today just didn’t turn out as great as yesterday. Brian thought it was ‘Pay no mind to Kelly day’, and I received a not so satisfying grade on a science test I took last week. I didn’t understand it. How could one day Brian be nice, charming, irresistible…and the next day it seemed like we were strangers? It made no sense. Nothing ever made any sense. I was slipping back into the mood that I had awaken in yesterday. By the end of the day, I was submersed in a realm of sadness.

But I didn’t lose all hope because Brian had spoken to me today. He said hi. Yippee! He said hi. If emotions could be obvious, sarcasm would be seeping off of these words as you’re reading. That gave me the littlest light of hope ever possible. But it was something. He didn’t completely ignore me, and that’s the string I was hanging to.
Again, as I was doing homework after school, my phone buzzed. It didn’t scare me as it had yesterday, but it did surprise me a little bit. I absent-mindedly looked at the text and read it, then glanced at the sender. Brian. He had sent me a text. I didn’t get it! He was so confusing!
I texted him, my anger disappearing from my head with each text. I had been angry because of the way he acted as if he didn’t know me at school. Like I wasn’t good enough. But it was hopeless to even pretend that I could stay mad at him. I liked him too much. I liked talking to him too much. And I had hoped, with each passing day, that he liked me. Sometimes I would try to block out the fact that I felt like we’d be so good together. I tried to forget about his smile, his laugh, his eyes. It sounded so cheesy. And I was disgusted with myself when I thought about how cliché my thoughts sounded. Every single thing that went through my head was almost a scene straight out of a high school chick flick.
As daytime turned to darkness, the conversation continued. About 10 o’clock that night, the final text of the day was sent and I was able to go to sleep. Happily.

The next day at school, I was talking to a friend and she was saying how she had stayed up late the night before. I, what I had hoped wittily, commented say I had also stayed up late. I sent a half smile to Brian’s line of sight and he smiled back while quickly explaining to my friend that we had been texting the night before. I was relieved and pleased that he mentioned it, admitted it. It made me feel as if there was hope in what was displayed in my mind at all hours. That the fantasy that played out could be real.

And six years later, I received my wish. After junior year, senior year, and four years of college…Brian and I finally went on a date. We clicked. Just as perfectly as I had imagined we would. It was amazing. Then we formed a relationship. This also went as well as I could ever picture it. Actually, it went a lot better than I ever pictured it. Our quirks fit together like puzzle pieces, we laughed like we had been together our whole lives, and we could always make each other smile no matter what. If one of us told a joke, a completely lame one, the other would beam and giggle as if it was the funniest thing ever heard.


After three years of dating, and two years of engagement, wedding bells chimed on a Saturday afternoon. The church was beautiful. Stain glass windows totally lined three walls, sending light that illuminated the faces of the guests, and the face of Brian. It was one of the most gorgeous sights I had ever seen in my life.


And finally, once four years of marriage had been put in the past, baby cries could be heard around the house. A boy and a girl; born five months apart, the boy being the oldest. Their eyes were the color of a crystal clear pond, an icy blue that chilled and warmed the heart at the same time.


Then there is today, now. At 39 years old, I can successfully read the history of my eight year old children’s father and mother. I can tell them how they met, and how a relationship bloomed over time. Sadly, as tears spring to my eyes and my heart breaks, I have to say my children don’t know their father. And they’ll never have the chance. When I was 33 years old, a police officer knocked on the door. He gravely informed me that Brian had been in a car accident, and a heart puncture was just too life-threatening for him to make it through. He had passed away. As I looked over at my two year old children, building different structures with each other with Lego’s, I felt my knees buckle and my throat grow dry. I told the officer he may leave, no need to stay and wait for my sanity to reappear. The kids didn’t understand, I knew they wouldn’t, so I hid my tears and went into the kitchen. I pulled out an old, dusty notebook. It was my writing notebook, and I hadn’t written in years. There had been no time. But, at the speed of light, I rapidly wrote. I was going to rapidly write about how there ever became a “Brian and I.” As I pulled out the notebook, something slipped from the pages. I looked down onto the table to see two pennies, heads side up, staring back at me.