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The End before the Beginning
Author's note: Inspired by my ex best friend.
She sat on the couch, writing and thinking. She wondered why things had to be this way, fights, brake-ups, etc. Who, you may ask? Amethyst Laila Sterling is your typical “emo” girl, only by looks though. By personality she is much different. The only nickname she allows people to use is Amy even though soon things will change.
I got up and walked into the bathroom. I washed my sweaty hands and looked into the mirror. I had the chills, no wonder. What I saw scared me a little, ash pale face, smeared eye make-up, bloody lips and then some other things to accent my horror. What really happened is I was born with beautiful cream colored skin, jet black hair, ruby red lips and electric green eyes. Since then I’ve become paler, skinnier, and my eyes rarely shine anymore. I have had enough hardships to last a lifetime but they seem to never end…
Mommy: “WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! YOU’RE LATE!!!!”
I rolled over and put the pillow on my head hoping it was just a nightmare, but to my horror “Rise Against” started blaring on my phone and that only meant that I had to wake up! I got out of bed and dressed in my usual attire: fishnets, black skirt, boots, neon orange wife beater and a black Rise Against shirt. My friends used to say only I can pull off all black and only one neon color at the same time. I finished off with doing my eye make-up and hair. Then I rushed downstairs to leave.
Mommy: “Good Morning angel!”
Amy: “Mommy, it’s not good morning till the sun rises!” I pouted and pointed outside where it was clearly still dark. “I got to leave now, I can’t be late.”
Mommy: “Fine, but eat something first?”
Amy: “No, I’ll get something on my way, bye!”
Mommy: “Don’t forget to eat sweetie, have a good first day and you’ll be fine. I love you!”
I grabbed my bag all ready from the night before when my O.C.D kicked in, and walked out just as the sun was rising. I sucked in a chilly breath and rubbed my hands as brilliant reds and oranges lit the sky as the sun fully rose and splashed the world in color. I took my phone out of my pocket and texted Tali.
Amy: “Good Morning Sunshine!”
Amy: “You all ready for school babe?”
Tali: “Hell, no. I want summer to start again so I can just go back to bed.”
Amy: “Ha-ha-ha-. Same here, but at least you’ll know people there.”
Tali: “Yeah, that sucks.”
Amy: “Good luck hunnie, I’m almost at school, I’ll talk to you later. Have a great day. Bye<3”
Tali: “Yeah, you too. Bye.”
I wasn’t exactly at school but I wanted some thinking time, I turned on my IPod and hit shuffle with it blasting loudly in my ears. I saw the school and shuddered at the thought of having to spend the next four years of my life there. I plopped onto the ground and just sat in the middle of the sidewalk. I didn’t even realize it but tears started to fall onto the floor and my eyes burned with the morning sun shining brightly. I hate it here, no one understands and they don’t believe me. They just think I’m trying to cry a river.
I felt a hand on my head as I sat on the ground rocking back and forth as the sobs coursed through my body. I looked up ashamed at being caught and gasped as I saw the most stunning eyes staring back at me. I gaped at him like the idiot I was until he pulled me into a big hug. That’s when I got shot back to reality and stiffened into his touch. After a few minutes he must have realized that something was wrong and he let go to look at me. I went back to staring at his eyes and he brushed away the last of my tears with the tip of his thumbs. I shuddered at how cold his touch felt against mine. That was how I met Blade, the sweetest guy to exist in this town. He helped me up and I stood uncertainly rubbing my hands on the back of my skirt, unsure of what to say or do next. He saved me the trouble by introducing himself.
Blade: “My name is Blade, nice to meet you.”
Amy: “I’m Amy, and I’m sure you would have preferred to meet me when my face wasn’t all wet and snotty.”
Blade: “Hey now I think showing emotions makes you a better person, less fake and more real. Besides what more can a friend do if not pick you up when you’re down?”
He smiled a dazzling smile that lit up his eyes and made his cheeks dimple. He had called himself my friend and he didn’t even know me. He was a total stranger. Now that I think about it, random acts of kindness like these warm my heart. We had a friendly chat as we walked up to the schools drive way, talking about anything from music to things to do here and places to visit. We split ways once inside the main building, him heading to locate his locker and I heading to the main offices.
I slowly walked up to the door and took a quick breath to calm myself. I plastered a look on my face that read ‘I don’t want to be here anymore than you do’. I pushed the door open and saw a middle age women sitting behind a desk, she was on the phone. I looked around and sat down to wait for her to finish. I may not want to be here but my mother has taught me my manners and I know when to use them. I looked around some more trying not to make it obvious that I was curious.
She finished the phone call and smiled at me. I walked over and looked at her name plate. It said, Miss. Appleblossom, interesting name I thought. I looked over at her and told her I was the new student and I needed to get my schedule and my locker numbers. She gave me another warm smile and said “Of course” then she bustled about gathering papers.
I took the opportunity to get a closer look at her. I then realized she was really pretty if you took the time to notice. She had dark brown hair with perfect curls and hazel eyes with specks of gold. She laid light on make-up and had a simple green liner and glimmer shadow with a touch of lip gloss. She looked up and handed me the papers after introducing herself as Ginger and told me to stop by and visit once in a while. I headed off to start my sophomore year of high school. The first day sped by and I didn’t notice much except that Blade was in all my classes and that my teachers were all fairly young. I skipped lunch just munching on an apple and sitting under a tree drawing. By the time I got home I had a folder filled with homework, a head ache and the greatest desire to just sleep for days but no, mom was waiting with a hundred and one questions. I finally got her to be quiet when I told her I made a friend and that I had a good day, finally seeming satisfied she left me to an hour of sleep before Tali got home.
I woke up sleepy and disoriented but happy, I get like a baby who just awoke from a slumber when I wake up. I pulled out my phone to check the time and saw Tali had just sent me a text. We talked about our days and how we missed each other and how tired we both were. I never told her about Blade, I didn’t really see the point in it. Plus hearing her talk about her day just made it worth talking to her. She ended the phone call in complains of sleep and a pile of homework. So I decided to check my face book and tumblr. To my excitement I had gotten a picture and a message from my brother, Zane, who was overseas in the army. He sent me a picture of him in his uniform and sent words of love to mom and me. I knew mom would be thrilled to see it so I printed it out to show her. With nothing more to do I laid down in bed and to no avail my mind instantly went to Blade. I quickly shut my mind down and blasted Life House on my IPod. This only got me thinking of Tali and how much I missed her. I needed to go back. I had to find some way to get back.
Now lonely and depressed I went down to grab a snack so I could do my homework. I took a bottle of water and a granola bar back to my room and I lay on the bed sprawled out with my books and wondering where to start and where to end.
Shuddering and shivering I woke up wondering what had happened. The last thing I remember is that I was reading my books and next thing I know it’s dark, cold and I’m confused. I must have fallen asleep. I felt around in the dark for my phone, once I found it I looked and read 8:30! I must have been really tired! My normal thoughts had just started to come back to me when I heard my mom calling for dinner. I told her I would be down in twenty minutes and then I grabbed my neon green towel and headed to take a shower. I took a hot, steamy shower and let the water run down my neck soothing away all the aches and pains while letting my mind wander in thought. I grudgingly got out and walked into a steam filled bathroom! I wrapped my towel around myself and was heading to my room when I heard the door bell ring. Now mad I thought what the hell? Mom hadn’t said anyone was coming over and I was just about to change into my pajamas and I had wet hair and no make- up on. You know what I didn’t care. They could just see me in me in my pajamas. I put on my Nightmare before Christmas pajama pants and my black Scream shirt on then went downstairs with my hair still wet and only slight make-up on.
I had just rounded the living room when I heard a slightly familiar voice introducing himself. I hoped and prayed I was mistaken but to no avail I saw Blade standing there with an older lady and someone who appeared to be him mom. Oh god, oh god, I’m in my night clothes! I wanted to rush up stairs and change but then I thought hey, why should I care how he sees me. With that final thought I walked into the kitchen with my head up and a defiant look on my face. My mom was kind of shocked that I was in my pajamas but she didn’t want to make a scene in front of our guests so she resumed introducing them. His mom was Rose and the older lady turned out to be his grandmother, Lavender. They both gave me friendly smiles and hugs. Then my mom introduced Blade and told me how he went to my school and had offered to show me around. Little did she know that we had already met? After she finished introducing him he bowed and kissed my hand. I heard his mom gasp in shock and his grandma laugh. I blushed and quickly pulled away noticing how it sent tingles up my arm.
We went to eat a dinner of a green bean casserole and baked pasta in alfredo sauce. The elders laughed and talked all through dinner while I ate quietly and felt Blades gaze trying to pierce my barrier. I was the first to excuse myself telling them I had to finish my homework before bed, my mother thankfully didn’t argue and after telling everyone good bye and good night I left to go into my room. I sped through my homework hardly able to focus and texted Tali deciding to tell her about Blade and the weird tingles I felt, I’d never had that happen to me before. Tali and I talked but she seemed distant and spacey. I asked her if everything was okay and she replied with a simple yes. She had to go to bed so I let her go. I was soon laying in bed my own eyes heavy with sleep when she sent me a text, it was midnight. I worriedly checked the text wondering what she was doing up this late. The text was a painful three words “I need you.” I quickly called her hoping everything was alright, only to my horror she answered with a pain filled hello and tears in her voice. I felt my heart sink and break as it often does when she’s hurt.
Amy: Tali honey, what’s wrong love?
Tali: I need you here. I can’t deal with this. I can’t live my life without you. I love you.
Amy: …You what…?
Tali: I love you, and I love you more than my life itself. I know I’ve hurt you and I know I was straight but I would, will do absolutely anything for you baby. I would go gay for you and only you. I love you so much and I’ve been trying to get rid of the feelings but I can’t. I can’t stop the feelings anymore and I wish I told you before but I was so scared and now you’re gone and I heard you talk about that guy and I couldn’t take it and I just can’t live without I’d rather die. I will die. I have everything ready I just needed to hear your voice one last time. At that Tali burst out into full fledged sobs and Amy snapped out of her daze.
Amy: Tali don’t you dare say that. You will not kill yourself or do anything stupid or reckless. What happened to you baby girl? You used to be the strong one, the smarter one who wouldn’t waste her life on anyone or anything.
Tali: But nothing’s worth it anymore if I can’t have you. If I can’t have you I can’t live. I don’t want to be the strong one. I will not be the strong one anymore. All I want to do is die. I will die, that’s it.
Amy: Natalie you will not die. You will not do anything stupid or anything reckless or dangerous. If you love me you won’t do anything because when you cry I cry and when you’re in pain I’m in pain and if you die I die.
I finished this while choking on my own tears.
Amy: And Tali baby don’t worry because I’ll always be yours and yours only, you know that. You know I love you.
Tali: Really, you love me? Why, what’s worth loving about me?
Amy: Everything about you is worth loving baby. I love your smile and I love the way your eyes light up when you’re happy. I love your kind heart and your forgiving abilities. I love how your laughter fills the room. I love how you’re yourself around me. I love everything about you Natalie.
Tali: I know you and I are far but if you truly say you are mine then can I…will you…Amethyst will you become mine once and for all, will you go out with me?
Amy: Baby girl, you know all you had to do was ask, of course I will.
Tali: I love you so much.
Amy: I love you too Tali, it’s late and you have to get up early tomorrow. Go to bed baby.
Tali: Can you talk to me until I fall asleep?
Amy: of course darling, I’ll stay on the phone all night, don’t worry baby I’m not going anywhere. Just pretend you’re sleeping safely in my arms tonight and everything will be okay.
Tali: Thank you.
Amy: Anything for you my love.