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Calm Waters

December 6, 2011
By Tbug1997 PLATINUM, Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
More by this author
Tbug1997 PLATINUM, Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania
29 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
When in doubt... Blame it on your siblings <br /> when life gives you skittles throw them at random people and yell FEEL THE RAINBOW

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Summary:

In Detroit in the 1900’s there were 5 major people. Sierra, a tall, black haired girl with light blue streaks who wears baggy shirts and comfortable faded jeans. Michael, a tall, brown haired boy with brown eyes who wears long sleeve flannel shirts and faded jeans. Jesse is a tall brown haired boy, who wears jeans and graphic tees. Emily is a short girl with brown hair who wears skinny jeans and designer clothing. Kaitlin who is short has red hair and wears only designer clothes she is Sierra’s sister. This is their story…….

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Calm Waters

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This book has 1 comment.

CarrieAnn13 GOLD said...
on Dec. 10 2011 at 7:27 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

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&quot;I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.&quot; --Douglas Adams<br /> <br /> &quot;The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.&quot; --Marcus Aurelius

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Okay, I have a bit of criticism.

1.  Dialogue goes on a separate line, especially when a new person is talking.

2.  Read your dialogue aloud.  It sounds a bit stiff, so you might want to try writing how you speak.

3.  Describe more!  I feel like I was plunked into a dark room of talking heads.  I want to see the surroundings, know what the characters look like, etc.

I think this story idea has a lot of potential, but a little work on your grammar would make it great.