The bell rang for everyone to go to their homerooms. I sat down, wanting to look over last night’s biology assignment. Ms. Lannen’s outfit looked quite different today. Her brown curly hair was down to her shoulders, and her red Casmir sweater was on with black slacks and white heels. “You look nice today,” I told Ms. Lannen.
“Why, thank you. I decided to get fancied up for today.”
“What’s today?”
“It’s Valentine’s Day.”
“Oh, I totally forgot about that.”
“That’s shocking for a teenager.”
“Well I’ve been so busy that I couldn’t keep up with the calendar, you know?”
“I understand,” She told me while lowering down to my desk, “I’m wondering if you can tutor Sean Adams with history. I know you’re busy as a bee, but I’m just wondering, and I saw your name on the sign up list for being a tutor, and I’m just wondering.”
“Oh, sure, I know you want your class to be intelligent so they can pass the exams in a few weeks.”
“Thank you, I’ll have you talk with him in class today.”
“Okay, bye.” I just remembered how I thought of him the other day, which is kind of odd, in a weird sense. Classes went by faster than I’ve expected. Fourth hour came, and I have to talk to Sean. Even though it’s Valentine’s Day, I know I won’t get anything.
“Okay, class, get started with the bell ringer, and we’ll start reading chapter fourteen about the civil war. Um, Lily, you can if you want to.” She cued me to go over to Sean. I walked awkwardly to his desk, and finally calmed down.
“Um, hi, Ms. Lannen wants me to tutor you for history and biology. I know you signed up on the sheet, so we can meet up during study hall if you’d like.” I looked into his green eyes and pale skin, with dark brown hair that’s down to his ear.
“Okay, see you then.” He smiled and nod to me.
“Bring your textbook and notebook too, you’ll need to take notes.”
“Of course, I know. Bye.”

Lunch finally came after fourth hour, and I was nearly starving. Sarah met me at our usual table, and I told her what is happening.
“Are you serious, you have to tutor Sean Adams?!”
“Yeah, so what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing, it’s just that he’s hotter than a flame!”
“And when did you start crushing on guys?”
“Seventh grade, remember Max?”
“Oh, I see, or I remember, now.”
“And you haven’t liked any guy, not that I know of.” She shyly said.
“Yeah, I know, and it wastes my time.”
“But you need love to survive.”
“Survive? Ha, you’re over dramatic.” I saw Sean walk towards our table, and I acted shy, like usual.
“Hey ladies, how are you doing?” He asked.
“Good, just talking.”
“Ah I see, and who is this girl?” He asked me.
“Uh, this is Sarah. Sarah, this is Sean.”
“’Nice to meet you, she just told me about her tutoring you.” Sarah told him.
“Yeah, it’s going to be fun.” He told her.
“Yeah, well we better get going Sarah, I mean; he needs to learn after all.” I commented.
“Oh yeah, sure, of course, I’ll talk to you later, Sean, and uh-”
“Sarah, just be quiet for once,” I whispered in her ear quickly. Sean and I walked to the small room that’s used for homeroom for seniors. It had black and white checkered tile, and two wooden desks.
“So, get your textbook out to chapter fourteen.”
“But we read it in class.”
“Well, we’re reading it again, to refresh our memories.”
“Ours, you mean mine.”
“Okay, um, well I’ll start reading. When the North disagreed with the South about slavery…” After ten minutes of reading, we finally stopped and reviewed. He looked at me like the way he did to Maddie a few months ago, and I tried not to fall for it.
“Can you take your glasses off for me?”
“Why?”
“I want to see what you look like without them.”
“No, you have to read.”
“Come on; have some fun for once, please?”
“No, reading about the civil war is fun, and getting fired from tutoring isn’t if you don’t read.”
“Wow, harsh.”
“Look at your homework for tonight. Question one, what is the Gettysburg address?”
“Well its,” He tried to answer.
“Write it down. Don’t make it more difficult for me, please.” He chuckled for a little bit.
“Why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“Personality wise, you have so much potential being like us.”
“I don’t want to be like you, and you have a lot of potential being like me.” I told him.
“Being like you? Not in a million years.”
“Are you finished?”
“Yep, I think I answered it correctly and used one of the vocabulary words.”
“Good job,” I told him while looking over his paper. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” The bell already rang a minute ago.
“This is going to be fun, see you in class.”
“Okay, bye.”


“So what happened? Did he hit on you?” Sarah asked me at my house. She came over after school so we can study for the history exam.
“We read chapter fourteen because I know he didn’t read it in class today. We did question one of the worksheet, and that’s it.”
“And what else?”
“Nothing,” I lied.
“Nothing, really.”
“Really.”

The morning came and I went to my locker that’s crammed with books about the civil war for tutoring. Sarah came by me discussing about the new art club she’s going to go to. She’s really talented and drew murals in her mom’s home. Her parents just divorced six months ago. She had her green plain t-shirt with khaki pants. Her short dirty blond hair’s messed up from her baby brother pulling it.
“Sure, but don’t make sure this art club won’t interfere our movie nights.”
“Don’t worry, Lily, we still have our movie nights.” After the conversation, I headed to homeroom. I looked over history notes and decided what I’m going to help with. Later in study hall, I realized he’s improving.
“Who was one of the generals in the civil war?”
“McClellan.”
“Good,” I told him. Finally there is progress….

Two weeks have passed, and I felt like Sean has become one of us. His grade now is rising up to a high B, and he’s been turning in his papers every day now. I’ve helped him a lot, and given him some extra credit papers he can do. Ms. Lannen allowed that, and I’m glad. Surprisingly, I’ve seen a huge improvement in his behavior. Even though he’s perverted, and he goes to parties a lot, he hasn’t been in a whole lot of activities.
“You know, this is going to help a lot, to get a college education if you keep this up.”
“Really, I mean I never knew how much education means to me, until now. Music is better though, that’s for sure, but still.” I smiled widely and never been so proud.
“I’m happy for you. I’m wondering... do you want to come over later and study for our exam tomorrow?” He looked at me for a minute, thinking this isn’t me.
“Is this really Lily, the shy Lily that I know?” I laughed, which made me realize that I can be sociable.
“Yes this is, and I just want to prepare you so you can get a good grade on the exam.”
“Sure,” He said. “Then maybe take a walk around the park after?”
“While studying, please?”
“Fine,” The bell rang after, just after another short study session.

Sarah randomly came to my locker while I was getting my books to put in my book bag.
“Hey, what are you doing tonight?”
“Sean’s coming over, to study.”
“Really, this is a new Lily.”
“I just want to make sure he’ll be good for the test.”
“Come on, Lily, you like him, don’t you.”
“No, I don’t, and I never liked a guy, and I’m not planning on to.”
“Okay, whatever you say.” Sean walked down the hall and waved at us four feet away.
“Hey,” I told him.
“Hey, are you ready?” He asked me.
“Yeah, Sarah, I’ll call you later tonight.”
“Okay, have fun you two.” Sarah said while checking Sean out.
“We will, see you.” He told her. We walked to my brick house and it stood out from the rest in the neighborhood.
“Here we are,” I told him.
“Okay,” He said while holding the door for me.
“Mom, I’m home and someone’s here so I can tutor them.”
“Okay, honey, who’s here?” She asked while coming out of the kitchen.
“Sean, Sean Adams.”
“Well it’s nice to meet you,” She said while shaking hands with him. She’s very formal once she meets people.
“Well, I’ll leave; you can take over the kitchen table until five thirty.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Robins.” He commented.
“Get your history book open to chapter sixteen. We’re going to review the vocabulary words first, then read paragraph by paragraph, and after we’ll work on our study guide.”
“Okay, whatever you say.” We continuously read paragraph by paragraph, and he was a little slow on the reading, but he concentrated. We finished the four pages in a half hour, and completed our whole study guide.
“Well I have to say Sean, I’m actually impressed.”
“You are, why?”
“Well my expectations are much higher. Before, I thought you were an immature, obnoxious trombone player.”
“Now you see that I really want my grades to be higher,” He smiled at me. I’ve never felt so close to anyone but Sarah before, and it’s only been a few weeks though, since I’ve tutored him.
“I’m really impressed; maybe you don’t need me after all.”
“No, but, no. I want to get to know you better, friend wise, and it’d be nice to have you as a close friend.”
“We’ll see about that. But I do have to admit, I’m having a lot of fun with you.”
“Same here, oh, and here’s the extra credit, I suppose you want to correct it over in case.”
“Sure,” I examined the paper, and looking at every answer over twice, I was astonished. “Sean, see, I know you can be like one of us.”
“It’s kind of fun being like you, I have to admit.”
“Really,” looking at him straight forward, I couldn’t believe him.
“What, you don’t believe me?”
“Not really, it’s hard.”
“Come on, people don’t trick you.”
“Where have you been?”
“Well I’m not lying,” He held my hand, “I do want to be your friend, and I really enjoy being with you.”
“I do too, and I suppose we can take a break and walk around the park.”
“We should, and talk.”

We left and the cold breeze flew into my face, and I loved it.
“What do you want to know about me?” I asked.
“A lot, like how come you aren’t one of us?”
“I don’t want to get into stupid situations.”
“We don’t get into stupid situations.”
“Getting a DUI, pranking an eighth grader, and other stupid, rude things, isn’t that stupid?”
“Well that was then, this is now. I want to change me, for the good.”
“Like I believe that,” I laughed after that. His mood changed into a serious tone, and I didn’t like it.
“I’m serious, I do want to change.”
“Okay, I believe you. We should hang out some more.”
“Yeah, like on Saturday nights, no parties, just you and I, watching movies.”
“That’d be nice, and doing homework after school.”
“You sound like you’re my best friend already.” We laughed at the same time, and I really liked the way this is going.

Each day, he’d walk with me everywhere, to classes, to my house, and we’d hang out a lot. He’d eat dinner with my family most days, and in school, the rumors started. People always questioned me if Sean’s my boyfriend. I’d say no, and move along, like it’s no big deal. Some think it is, but I think it’s ridiculous. Can’t a guy and a girl be just friends? Apparently not, and it’s weird how we can’t be just friends.
We were at Starbucks and bought coffee while doing our homework.
“So, are you okay if I ask Mandy out?”
“It’s Mandy Jays, right?”
“Yeah,” He said.
“Of course I am, even though I’m not a big fan of her, I think you two would be very cute. Just promise me she won’t affect our friendship.”
“I promise, and I’m thinking of asking her out during homeroom, maybe a note.”
“A note is okay, maybe in person would be better.”
“Okay, I’ll give her a note that will say, ‘Come by my locker after homeroom.’ Then if she comes, I’ll ask her.”
“That’s perfect, and when did you start liking her?”
“Umm, I started the other day.”
“The other day, come on, you are such an idiot.” We both laughed, and then finished our papers.
“So, do you like anyone?”
“Me, no, I’m focusing on my studies and band, remember?”
“Are you sure? Because I’ll get one for you, if you want.”
“Ha, thanks, but I’m only a freshman, I should take high school seriously, for one, and two, boys are obnoxious in our school.”
“I am and I’m your best friend,” He said.
“Ha, true, but still, Sean, no guy will like me, especially Mike.”
“You like Mike? Mike Sanders, the one on my basketball team?”
“…Maybe. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
“I thought you’d like Steve, or Henry.”
“Come on, do you know me at all?”
“Apparently not, and I’ll fix you up with him.”
“Sean! Don’t seriously, I don’t want a boyfriend! Besides, people think that you and I am a couple.”
“I know it’s kind of weird.” We didn’t talk for thirty seconds until he spoke again. “Don’t worry, you’ll be with him.”
“Sean, don’t otherwise I’ll kill you.”
“That’s the first threat I’ve ever heard you say to me.”
“Well I’ll have to do it more often.” We smiled at each other and he looked into my eyes, and I suddenly looked away. “Uh, my mom is probably is waiting outside. I’ll talk to you later.” He stood up and gave me his giant hugs that I love, and I left.
“How was it?” My mom asked in the kitchen.
“Fine, we got all of our homework done.”
“Stop being so naïve for once. I know you like him.”
“Mom, I don’t! He’s my best friend and I don’t like him that way! I already told you that I like Mike!”
“Okay, okay, but someday, you two will be meant for each other.”
“Mom, you’re watching too much soap opera.” She laughed while she was cutting up carrots.
“I know I am, and talk to me about this Mike guy.”
“He’s so similar to Sean, it’s so weird. Mike is on the basketball team, intelligent, has brown hair, a little shorter that Sean’s hair, and is a friend of Sean.”
“He sounds cute,” She commented.
“Yeah, Sean’s going to ask out Mandy tomorrow.”
“That’s nice. Ever since you and Sean have been hanging out, I’ve never seen you so talkative and not quiet before.”
“Well, I’m the same around Sarah too.”
“By the way, how is Sarah?”
“Fine, I haven’t talked to her in a long time because Sean came in my life.”
“Well, that’s different.”
“I guess,” I said.
“Do you miss her?”
“Sometimes, and I don’t know, if we’re friends or not.”
“Check and see tomorrow.”
“I guess I will.”


I walked up to Sarah after first period, and wanted to see how she’s been. “Hey, I miss you.”
“Same here,” She said. “But you’ve been too busy with the guy I want.”
“What are you talking about? He’s my best friend, nothing more.”
“Based on what I’ve heard, you two are an item.”
“Sarah, you actually believe that?”
“Yeah, he gives you the look like he did when he was dating Maddie.” Now I realize, he’s tearing my friendship with Sarah, but I love Sean to death. He’s the only guy best friend I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to lose him.
“Sarah, please just listen to me, I didn’t or don’t mean to hurt you, or have him replace you…”
“It seems like it.”
“But it’s not what it looks like!” She walked away, and I realized I lost my best friend… the only one I loved since third grade. I placed my books against my chest, and while everyone left for their second period class, I walked slowly trying to remember all of the good times we had. I luckily didn’t get a detention, and my math teacher knew something was wrong. Mr. Stanley called me up while we were supposed to work on our homework.
“Yes, Mr. Stanley?”
“Why were you late?”
“I’m sorry, something happened, which is getting me more depressed, and I’m sorry!” He gave me a stern look.
“Promise me it won’t happen again, Ms. Robins?”
“I promise.”

Lunch arrived and I wasn’t really excited until I saw Sean. He waved to me and I saw that he saved a seat for me.
“Hey, how are you?”
“Just great,” I said sarcastically.
“Really, you don’t look like it.”
“I was sarcastic Sean. Just try to cheer me up please?”
“Well, I have a girlfriend.”
“You do, she said yes?”
“Yeah, and I’m going to hang out with her after school…”
“Oh, so you won’t come over?”
“No, but I’ll try later tonight…” His voice became disconnected until he saw Mandy. She has black curly hair, shoulder length, and has a mini skirt with leggings under, and a Gilly’s blue sweater on.
“Hey babe,” She said to him.
“Hey, this is Lily.” He introduced.
“Oh, hi,” She awkwardly said.
“Lily, this is Mandy, and I bet you two will be great friends.”
“Well, um, Sean, I’ll leave you two alone,” I told him, “I’ll see you later tonight.”
“Bye,” He told me. “Hon, can I get up for a sec?” He got up and gave me one of his hugs, which I needed. I walked into the science lab and ate my lunch there, silent, and alone. Thinking of how my life’s going to be like, I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty.
Sean didn’t come over later that night, but text me with an apology. It said ‘I hope our friendship won’t be like what happened today, I miss you.’

A few weeks have gone by, and I’ve been feeling so empty… Sarah and I have been not communicating with each other since our last conversation and I haven’t been tutoring Sean because he spends his study hall period texting his girlfriend Mandy. Speaking of Mandy, I don’t think she can get any more like a slut than she already is. Her and Sean’s relationship has been shaky now. They’ve been fighting constantly because they can’t trust each other. One reason is because of me and Sean, and the other is Mandy being with her ex-boyfriend Caleb. Sean has called me a few times to tell him about his drama. It’s too awkward for me to speak to him so I make excuses to hang up earlier. On the bright side, I’ve been talking to Mike Sanders more often. I may have flirted a few times. Life is so confusing right now. I want to know if Mike is into me.
I walked to English class and I took a seat next to Mike. “Hey. How’s it going?”
“Awful, you?” he replied.
“Why awful?”
“My grade is dropping and if I don’t pull it up then I’ll be kicked off the team.”
“Maybe I can tutor you sometime. I am qualified to be a tutor.”
“Okay. Meet me at my locker after school.”
“Okay. See you there.” I was actually excited for after school.
I walked to his locker after school. I waited patiently and noticed that the clock said 3:05. “Boo!” I heard Mike’s voice and my face reddened. He freaked me out.
“You scared me!” I told him as I put my hand against my heart. We laughed and he put his hand behind my back.
“Come on, let’s go. I’ll drive you to my place.”
“Okay. Let me call my mom.” I got approved to go to Mike’s house luckily. We got to his house twenty minutes later. We walked up to his room. I noticed the blue plaid bedspread with grey walls and green pillows. I was surprised how clean it was. There were one desk and two chairs. I chose the black chair that spins. I got out my books as he did so too.
“Let’s start on chapter four in To Kill a Mockingbird.”
“Or… We can read on my bed.” He commented.
“Okay,” I said shyly. I had butterflies in my stomach after. So I sat against the headboard and he turned sideways at me. “Why don’t you start reading?”
“So Scout told Jem that she was mad at him…” We read chapter four in a breeze. And after he started moving closer to me; I awkwardly lay still.
“What are you doing?” I asked as his fingers started lingering on my stomach.
“Nothing,” he said in an angelic tone that made my body face him. His body started touching mine to the point I felt uncomfortable.
“Can you stop?” I asked awkwardly. He started trying to put his lips towards mine. I pulled myself away.
“Why? I thought you liked me. That’s what Sean said.” He told me as I pulled myself up from the bed.
“Sean was right but I feel uncomfortable.”
“Why?”
“Because I-”
“Shh,” He grabbed me from my waist and pulled me to him and kissed me on the lips. Inside it felt so wrong but so right. This is what you wanted right? My conscious told me. I pressed against him and continued the make out session. A few minutes later we became more intimate and I found myself nude in Mike’s bed.
I grabbed my clothes while he fell asleep and exited out and took a long walk home. It was a cloudy day and I felt overwhelmed by everything that was happening. It clicked to my head that I just hooked up with Mike Sanders. I felt my head pounding and the wind surrounding me was too much for me to handle. I felt myself cry and have this deep depression inside of me. Why me? I thought to myself. This was the first mistake I’ve ever made that can lead to serious consequences. In my heart I was praying to God and asked for forgiveness. I don’t think he will forgive me though. I was supposed to save my virginity til marriage but things changed. I walked until my legs gave out on me. I sat on the curb on a dead road just crying with sadness. It was already dark out and I grabbed my cell phone and called my mom.

My face reddened more the next day than it had from the previous night. Everyone looked at me like I had a mustard mustache on my face. But I was wrong. They looked at me because I slept with Mike and he started telling everyone. During lunch I hid in the corner of the lunchroom and sat on the floor today so I would have to look up at my peers. Sean came over and sat next to me. “Really, you did that because you missed me?” He asked me.
I nodded.
“Why?” He asked. My eyes swelled up with tears. I stayed in silence. I didn’t know why I made that mistake. I started to shiver when I thought of last night. I felt used, raped, and felt nothing like I did when I was around Sean. A few minutes passed by, and I couldn’t speak. “Well, that was a pathetic choice.” He started to get up and walked away. Is this how it’s going to be?

***

I stayed home from school today. I slept. I completed no homework. I just slept. Life did not matter to me anymore. All I see are dark clouds hovering over myself. My head kept on pounding throughout the day while I was watching some stupid show about revealing who is the father of the child. My back was also aching horribly. I called Sean. His voice mail went on. I had to leave a message.

“Hey, Sean. It’s me. I um,” I paused. “I really need to talk to you. If you want to meet me at the park in like a half hour. That would be great.” I hung up. I didn’t care anymore. I went into the shower and got ready. The day was cloudy and stormy. As I was walking towards the park, I stopped and sat on the curb near the street. My back was hurting so bad. I sighed, got up, and continued to walk. I felt like crap. This is worse than getting an A- on a paper. As I started to get closer to the park, I saw him. Sean. The Sean I am falling for. My heart skipped a beat, but it also dropped. Once I looked into his eyes and saw him, I realized how much I missed him.

“Hey.” He said with a disappointing edge to his voice.

“Hey.” I looked up and glanced down quickly.

“Well you sure went back to your shy self, I see.”

“Yeah.” There was an awkward silence after that. “Can we sit down?” He nodded. We finally sat down and I had to let him know everything. “Sean, I am so sorry for everything I have done. That whole thing with Mike was a mistake. It was a pathetic choice I made, and I did it just to make myself happier to get over you.” I looked at him, and his eyes looked so confused.

“Get over me?” He asked.

“Yes. I fell for you. Ever since the first week we started hanging out. I never knew how much I liked you until you went off with that whore, Mandy. Excuse me for my language. I just- I miss you so much. You are the best thing that’s ever been mine, as a friend. You made me confident and silly, and I loved being around you. I just…” I started to cry. He put his arm around my shoulder. “Miss you.”

“Shh….”He tried to calm me down. “It is okay, Lily. We all make mistakes. I forgive you.” He looked me in the eyes. My heart dropped. I cried some more, and told him everything that has been happening. “Let me take you to Starbucks, and I will get you your favorite Mocha Frappuccino. “ I slightly smiled. For the first time in these past few days, I felt like things were going to be okay.
***
Sean told me about Mandy and how he is going to break up with her. Thank God. He caught her cheating on him with Mike. I laughed uncontrollably. Mike is such a d*bag, I thought. Sean then came over for a few hours and we listened to music and ate tacos. Tacos heal everything.

Sean and Mandy were by Sean’s locker, and I hid behind the trash can to see what was going on. Mandy’s looked lost, as if she were in Algebra. Her eyes became red as Sean held her hand and gazed at her in an apologetic way. I couldn’t read their lips or hear what they were saying. But I knew what this was. The break up. He walked away and smiled brightly at me. Now I felt like I was in Algebra. I was so lost.

“What just happened?” I asked as I finally stood up.

“I am officially single. “ He beamed.

“Good for you! Pizza at my place, tonight? To celebrate your freedom?” I smiled back at him because his smile was so gorgeous.

“Sure thing.” He put his arm around me while walking to our next class together. I loved the Aeropostale cologne he was wearing. I loved being with him. Everything would be okay.


Once classes ended, I glowed. As I walked to my locker, Mandy approached me.

“Lizard.” That was the name she called me. “Why did you steal MY boyfriend?” I froze. I didn’t know what to say.

“What are you talking about? He’s my good friend.” She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, right. Why did you convince him to break up with me?” She demanded. Mandy pushed me against my locker. My head ached.

“I didn’t! He’s just miserable because all you wanted was sex with him.” I regretted saying that. Mandy’s dark eyes bulged out of her eyes like sockets.

“What did you say?” She was chest to chest with me.

“You heard me.” I told her. Mandy then grabbed her fist and aimed it towards my stomach. I let her. My head and my stomach throbbed horribly. She then laughed and walked away. Where is Sean? I asked myself. I moved myself down onto the floor. I didn’t care anymore. I closed my eyes and pictured myself in Italy.

“Lily?” I heard Sean’s soothing, low octave voice. “Lily?” I opened my eyes carefully and saw him. I was confused.
“What is going on?” I asked him while motioning myself up. I tried to- but my head and stomach hurt horribly. I’m a petite, weak person. Sean noticed I was in pain.
“What happened?” I groaned in pain. I didn’t want to tell him. He picked me up and carried me to his truck. See, this is only supposed to happen in a wedding. But this is reality. I’m not supposed to be in pain. I’m supposed to be in love.
As we went into his truck, he laid me down in his back seat, and my head rested on his legs.
“Why are girls so jealous?”
“What do you mean?” He became concerned.
“Your ex-girlfriend of yours hurt me.” Sean became tense. I shouldn’t have told him. He finger stroke through my hair while waiting for me to continue. “Never mind, it will be okay.” I got up slowly and sat next to him. The moon started to rise.
“No, Lily. Tell me what she did.”
“Trust me. It’s no big deal.”
“Lily Robins. Tell me.” He gave me the death look. I gave up and told him everything. I then started to cry on his shoulder.
“Why did you have to break up with her?” I sobbed. “She’s going to make me miserable even more, now. Just go back to her.” He comforted me by whisper, “Shh, Lily. I’m here for you.” I didn’t believe him until I looked back up at his gorgeous eyes. Our eyes met and he leaned forward to me. As he crept over until our noses touched, I kissed him. I kissed Sean Adams. My heart was about to beat out of my chest, and my butterflies- they went wild. My mind was spinning in circles. As we let go, I went back in. I loved the feeling of his lips touching mine. We continued the make-out session until my head started to pound and tinge again.
After our adrenaline stopped, he said, “That’s why I broke up with her. I want to be with you.”

I woke up feeling confident. My mind kept replaying last night. I felt as though everything was surreal. I got ready, and wore my favorite shirt and skinny jeans with flats to impress Sean. As I arrived at school, I smiled at him. “Hey.” I blushed.

“Hey.” He hugged me. “How are you?”

“Better. How are you?”

“Pretty great from last night.” We stood there silently, smiling and gazing into each other’s eyes.

“Yeah…That was um- an interesting night.” We laughed.

“Hey, do you want to come over after school?”

“I’d love to.”


It was around seven at night. I was in Sean’s room. My stomach kept rolling butterflies. I was lying in his bed because it’s so comfy. “Hey, babe.” Sean came closer to me.

“Yes?” I smiled at him. I was so happy to be with him.

“Want to replay last night?” I blushed and giggled. I couldn’t believe he was doing this.

“Um…”My gut told me NO LILY! My heart and mind told me, “YES!” So I followed my heart. He came closer and I began to muster up the courage to add more passion into our intimate moment. Once our lips touched for a while, I lost my train of thought. I drowned myself in love by touching his lips.

***
The next few weeks Sean and I became closer than close. We would go to the movies together, go to restaurants, and go mini-golfing. Yes, we’re finally officially together. I have never felt so happy in my entire life. That one part in my heart is finally filled with Sean’s love. After seeing a horror movie, I was pretty tense. We decided to walk onto a nice cornfield. No lights-just his truck, Sean, and I. We lay down in the grassy part on the side of the area on this Friday night. He brought his blanket and a few bottles of beer for us.

“Cheers to our friendship.” Sean stated. Our glasses clicked, and we chugged the alcohol as it went through our throats. “And to our love.” After we made out for a while. I felt as though everything fell into place for the first time in high school. Sean then started to become more intimate, more than I would like.

“Sean, what are you doing?” I moved away from him.

“I want to show you my love.” He slurred his words after a few more beers.

“No, you just want to show your dick…” I told him. I felt upset, as though he was using me. I started to get up and he pulled me down. “What are you doing??”

“I –I want y-you.” His voice slurred, and his breath reeked. “I- I wuv you.” My heart stopped. Is he telling the truth? Or is he just drunk? I looked him into his eyes. His eyes were wandering constantly, but I knew he was telling the truth. But why would he tell me this when he’s drunk? Or am I just overthinking? I am overthinking.

“I love you too, Sean.” I told him.

“Then-then if you wuv me you’d show me your love.” He was right. In order to keep this love strong, I needed to take risks. He pulled me closer into him, and my adrenaline rushed. He started to pull my pants down, and my gut was screaming NO! I ignored it. This is love. Making love makes people stronger. I decided to stop thinking, and let our love continue in the middle of nowhere.

***
I woke up with Sean next to me, and myself naked. Why the hell did I do this? I thought. This is love. Love is good. Good is happiness. So I should be happy, right? He smiled at me and stretched out his arms. I never knew he had a six pack and he looked so gorgeous in the morning. It was certainly better than looking at Mike Sanders’ body. “Good morning, beautiful.” He said.

“Good morning, love.” I replied with a smile.

“Had a good night?” He asked. I nodded. I got up and when I put on my underwear, Sean said, “You look luscious when you’re nude. “ Should I feel offended or take that as a compliment?

“Thank you. You look pretty hot right now.”

“Oh, I know. I’m Sean Adams. What do you expect?” We laughed. I hope he was joking… We got up and went home. I didn’t know how I felt. Confused or happy? I hope our relationship isn’t always about sex.

“Have you been sexually active lately, Miss Robins?” Dr. Andrews asked me when my mother was exited out of the room.

“Yes, I have.” I felt embarrassed. I stared at the ground. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about this.

“Well, you have a high chance of any STD or pregnancy, ma’am.”

My eyes stared at the ground, still. My voice came thin and into a hush-tone. “Yes, I know.”

“Let’s take a few tests, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

***

“Well Miss Robins, it seems to be that the pregnancy test turned out positive.” My stomach dropped. I couldn’t believe he just said that. My mom looked at me, surprised. I felt as though some softball threw at me. My life is ruined. This cannot be happening. My head started to spin, and I just didn’t feel right. I got up from the chair and ran out of the office. I ran out of the building. Tears kept streaming down as guilt kept building upon me. Is this really my life? I thought to myself. I kept running and running on the busy street while trying to escape everything. Once I had no breath, I stopped to catch it.

“Lily! Lily! Get the hell over here!” My mom screamed as she pulled her van to the side of the road. What am I going to do? I had such a sulking feeling inside me. I was in no mood to talk to anyone. I just wanted to cry and snuggle in my bed. I stopped. I had to.

“What?” I snapped. I couldn’t take her anymore.

“Why did you? Why did you let me- our family down?” Her voice was sharp and it kept cracking. “I thought you were our perfect daughter. Then you had to hang around that idiot-

-His name is Sean.” I clarified.

“When Sean came around, you seemed happy. But I didn’t know that you had to have sex to be happy with him.” My mom’s face was still and her bags under her eyes clearly showed. My body felt tense- and I had no time to just be calm with her.

“I am happy. I was happy around him. I love him, mom!” I didn’t notice that my voice was shouting into a loud volume- and I forgot we were in the middle of a busy street. I didn’t care. “Aren’t you supposed to take chances and do anything for who you love? You just don’t understand to be young!” The last sentence echoed. I walked away from her and called Sarah. I just needed someone. I prayed that she’d be there for me.

“Hello?” Sarah answered.

“Sarah? It’s me, Lily.”

“Oh.” There was a pause. There was so much to say to her.

“Can you meet me at the park in an hour?” I asked. I had to walk from this busy street to the park.

“Will Sean be there?” She snapped. My stomach churned.

“No. I promise.” Sarah agreed to meet me at the park. After what the walk seemed like an eternity, I arrived and saw her. I gave her a slight smile.

“What do you what?” She asked sarcastically. Sarah then put a cigarette in her mouth. After I watched for a minute, she gave me the nastiest look and rolled her eyes. “Did you hear me, idiot? What do you want?”

I stood there in shock. She just called me an idiot. How dare her! “I-I just want to be friends again.”

“Oh. That sucks.” Her voice became more monotone-like.

“Excuse me?”

“That sucks, slut.”

“B****.” I muttered. Sarah then threw her cigarette to the ground and used her left foot to destroy it.

“What did you just say to me?” She became closer to me. I froze. I didn’t know what to do. Run or fight back? I started to run. “Where the hell are you going?” She shouted. This girl I didn’t even know anymore started catching up to me, and as she did, she grabbed my wrist.

“Don’t run away from me ever again! How childish of you to run away and go have sex with some other guys. You can’t run away from everything that’s coming at you!” Her face was still and tense. Her hand squeezed my wrist, and I tried to let go- but I couldn’t.

“Do you want to know why I want to run away from my life right now?” I shouted with such agony.

“I bet it’s nothing. Your life is perfect. You have a boyfriend for God’s sake and lost your virginity!” She started to back up.

“You really think that life is perfect? Well it’s not! You get consequences when you get seduced by jerks who just want you for sex!”

Sarah sneered. “Like what? An STD?” My pain started to thicken in my body. I didn’t know what to say, something had to be said.

“No! I found out that I am pregnant! My whole life is ruined because of Sean! Now I have to be stuck as a mother and not as a pediatrician like I dreamed of. There. My life is SO perfect!” I walked away. Enough was said and I was tired of dealing with this drama. I was tired of dealing with life in general. I didn’t want to bring another life into this world. I just wanted my life to be successful.

“Hey, babe. It’s me. Call me back when you can.” I hung up as I just left a message to Sean. I have to let Sean know. I’ve been hiding this secret for two weeks now. Luckily, Sarah has not told anyone, yet. I know I won’t be friends with her, and our friendship is officially now finalized and done. My mind was still spun around with thoughts about this whole situation. I am not ready to be a mother. I am Lily Robins. Not a mother. An hour later, Sean called me back.

“What’s up, honey?” He asked. I was hesitant- but I had to tell him.

“Can you meet me at my house? Let’s take a walk.”

“Um, sure. Why? Is everything okay?” His voice sounded worried.

“Just come over, please.” I demanded. Sean pulled up with his pick-up truck a half hour later, and I felt nauseated. Once he saw me, his face lit up.

“Hello dear.” He greeted me with a kiss on my front porch. The sun was out and it was a little cold. “How are you?”

I paused. My hand was on my stomach, just rubbing it. “I am not so great. How are you?”

“Life could not get any better.” He held my hand as we walked through my neighborhood.

“That’s great to hear. Um, Sean- I have some news to tell you.” His face turned tense, but he tried to smile. It didn’t work.

“What is wrong?”

“Do you remember that one night where we hooked up?”

“Yeah….” He seemed concerned now.

“You know how things happen when people have sex?” I asked him.

“Yeah, but nothing happened, right? You don’t have an STD or anything, do you?” He rushed his words and he could not have been any more confused.

“Actually, something did happen to me. “ I paused. My face and shoulders could not relax. I looked at him in his beautiful eyes. “Sean, I love you. I really do. That night turned into something more than I expected. “I smiled a little. “But now- our lives will be un-expecting.”

He looked at me once more trying to comprehend what I was trying to say. “What are you trying to say?”

I had to. There was no stop in me. “Sean, I am pregnant.” Sean backed away from me. I never saw somebody so astonished. He stopped and sat on the curb. His reaction was just like mine, except he knew he can’t run away.

“What-what-“His voice was crumbling down into the voice of somebody so weak. He was always so strong. “What are we going to do?” He looked up at me as I stood there watching him fall. I hated doing this.

“I don’t want to have an abortion. Nor do I want adoption. I want this baby to be ours. So this baby could have loving family.”

“I want our – our- child to be protected to. But I don’t think I should be the father. My music career is taking off, and we don’t have any financial support.” He looked at me as I sat down next to him.

“Shh….” I whispered in his ears as I rubbed my hand against his back. “I promise. We will tutor each other how to be the best parents we can be.”

***


The news about my pregnancy came around the school quickly. Thanks to Sarah. Teachers made me stay after class to discuss this “rumor”. I hated this. I felt so ashamed. I didn’t want to go to school anymore, but I knew I had to. I wanted to die in a hole. After school, I went to the library and had to research about pregnancies. Apparently, I’ll be getting sick- vomiting, dizziness, headaches, and more. My mom and I had not been talking a lot. She sent me a text message saying that we needed to talk after school. I didn’t know what to expect. I walked home on this sunny day and opened my door. There she was in our living room, sitting on the couch.

“Take a seat.” Her voice was dissonant. I proceeded to do so. I became tense.

“Yes, mother?” I asked.

“We need to talk about this pregnancy.” She cleared her throat. “I did my best for you after these seventeen years of taking care of you. I did not want you to be in the same situation as me.” Her eyes started to water.

“I know that, mom. You did a fantastic job of raising me.”

“Not good enough to let you get away with having sex with Sean.” I started at the ground. “I have never been so disappointed with you in my entire life.” Now my eyes started to water. That was the one thing I never wanted to hear from my mother.

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I never wanted to be a mother at this age. I never wanted this to happen.” I started to cry.

“I was in the exact same shoes as you when I was your age. Although what I didn’t tell you was your father went into the army. He promised he would come back, but he never did…”

“Why did you lie to me this whole time?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Well you hurt me already.” I walked away and up to my room. I slammed my door and continued to cry. I cried for my father. I cried for my child I would be giving birth to. I cried for my life that would be ending. I cried for the mistakes I made. I cried for my innocence back.

Now that my pregnancy is carrying along, my diet has been changing. I prefer eggs with Soy milk each morning, and I am persistent with a lot. After school, I head straight to my bedroom with books about how to be a mother and eat chips. I need to tutor myself in order to be the best mother I can be. Sean has been so busy with his performances with his band, it’s like he isn’t focusing on me- the one he loves. At least he said he loves me. My phone rang. Paranoid, I picked it up hoping it was Sean.
“Hello?” I answered quickly.
“So I heard you’re pregnant, slut.” The female voice said. It sounded so familiar- only two people would call me that in my face: Mandy or Sarah. It must be Mandy.
“What do you want, Mandy?” I asked her.
“Just because you are having Sean’s baby- or if it’s Sean’s baby- doesn’t mean that you two will stay together. I will get him back.” Her voice was sharp. I could not respond to her. My hands were shaking to what she said in those few seconds. Sean is the father. I know that. It’s a fact. He promised me- we promised each other that we would be parenting this child together, forever.
I decided to drive off to church. I hadn’t been there since the beginning of the year. I felt disconnected from God. I needed to be closer. Most importantly, I needed his forgiveness. I called up my priest, Father Dionysus to schedule an immediate appointment. I left my house immediately and drove off to my church. Being Orthodox, this occurrence is shameful and more disappointing than how non-Orthodox Christians see this.
“Hello, Father.” I kissed his hand and took a seat across his desk first to discuss this matter.
“Hello, Lily. I have not seen you in certainly a long time.”
“I know, Father. I apologize.” I looked at him in a sincere way.
“What would you like to discuss?”
I took a deep breath. “I am delivering a child.” He looked at me calm. I was surprised. I thought he would yell at me. He nodded me to continue. “I know my mother delivered me when she was around my age, and it was very sinful. This is very sinful. I have so much guilt put on me lately. “

“Will you be keeping this child?”

“Yes, sir. I would finish school during my pregnancy and start working immediately. I would pay a daycare to take care of her, and would go to school once she starts preschool. Trust me; I watched those pregnancy shows on television.” I gave a little laugh. So did him.

“Does the father of this child know?”

“Yes, the father of my child knows.”


“How many months are you into this pregnancy?”

“I am only a few weeks. I have been researching daily on what to buy, what I need, and everything. Sean, my boyfriend, will start working once his music career starts to slow down, hopefully. My mom has been disappointed in me, but she understands. What I most definitely want for my child is for him or her to be religious and baptized as Greek Orthodox.”

“Okay, Lily.” Father Dionysus stated. “Let us enter the church to receive confession.”

“How is my favorite girl in the world?” Sean asked then kissed me.

“I’m already. I received confession a few days ago.”

“You did?” He was surprised.

“Yeah…And I’d like our child to be baptized in the Greek Orthodox Church. Is that okay?”

“…I guess that is okay. I never really knew you were religious.”

“Well, I was thinking about everything and how Un-Orthodox I’ve been, and I want our baby to be sheltered into a community that is faithful and will have innocence. “

“Aren’t babies already innocent?” He asked obnoxiously. I punched him in the arm.

“Yes, but in the Greek Orthodox church I feel as if this child will be better.”

“Whatever makes you happiest.” He wrapped his arms around me.

These few months feel like they’re going forever. I received a job at McDonald’s, and Sean’s been working a lot lately- so we’ve been having not much time to see each other. As long as he’s trying to provide for our child, I will be fine. Today we’re going to find out the gender of the baby.

“Ready, honey?” I asked him as we walked into the doctor’s office.

“Ready as ever.” He was tense and shaking. “I hope it’s a boy. Maybe we could name him after me.” He forced a smile on his face.

“I’d like that, too.” We took a seat and our hands were glued to each other. The nurse called our names and a half hour later, we found out the baby was a girl.

“Oh gosh, now I have to worry about her dating boys.” Sean said, and we laughed. I had no idea what I’d be naming.

***
“Hello Lily.” Father Dionysus stood up as I entered the room. Another woman was next to him. She had olive skin, with dark eyes and dark curly hair that bounced all over.
“Hello, Father.” I kissed his hand and sat down.
“I wanted to bring you here today because I really want you to talk with my niece, Chrisoula.”
“Hello Chrisoula. I am Lily.” I shook her hand.
“Hello Lily. I hope you’re doing okay with your pregnancy.” I was a little shaken by that. How did she know? Oh wait, I’m getting fatter and the baby’s growing. Father excused himself out of the bare room.
“Everything is fine. We found out that the gender of the baby is a girl a few days ago.”
“Congratulations. I wanted to talk to you today about my story. I was pregnant a few years ago at the same age as you. I am Greek Orthodox, and it was so hard on me because of my religious family.”
“I bet.”
“I just wanted to let you know, that these months and first few years will be chaotic. Things happen and I just wanted to tell you, that I am here for you. If you need to call me to get you some baklava or anything, I am just a call away.” We laughed.
“I really appreciate this. The few people I have are Sean, Father, and my mother. It’s nice to have somebody to understand where I’m coming from.” The next hour we discussed what will be happening and how I need to prepare. My baby shower should be planned soon. I am almost six months.
“Give me a call. Here is my number, and I will help you.”
“Thank you, Chrisoula.” I kissed her on the cheek and left.

***
A few weeks later, we held the baby shower. We received so many delightful gifts from our family members. A few of Sean’s friends came. None of mine from school came, except for Chrisoula and my mother. Sean came late, but his truck didn’t start up. We received blankets, bottles, accessories for my baby girl’s bedroom. I was elated. Spring break was starting this week. That means Sean and his buddies will be starting the bedroom. I requested for the room color to be pink and brown. My mother thankfully moved her office into her bedroom so this girl could sleep well.

Names. We have not decided on names. My list consists of:
MARIE Too many cousins named that.
ANNIE Too many aunts named that.
ELLIE Too similar to my name.
SKYLER: Possibility.
AVERY: Too….nature-y?

None of the names except for Skyler really had me going. Sean and I have been fighting over them. He says we should name this girl after his great-grandmother like Louise or Carey. I rejected those ideas. He helps me, but he works way too much. I discussed with him how he needs to focus on financially caring for our baby. He promised me he will find time for me. He promised.

“Sean, it’s me. I really need you right now.” I left him the fourth voice message. He kept on either rejecting them or just completely ignore my calls. I was ticked. I took my mother’s car and drove off to Sean’s house. His truck was there… I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t pick my calls up. I am his girl. I knocked on the door, and his mother answered.

“Hello, Lily. Come on in. He’s right up in his room.” She asked me how I was doing and if I needed anything.

“Thank you, but I need to talk to him.”

“Go right ahead, dear.” She stepped aside and let me walk up the wooden stairs to his bedroom. I walked up slowly, just so I could scare him for fun. I slowly opened his Cherry wooden door, and the more the door crept open, the more I heard noises. Noises as in sexual noises. Maybe you’re just overthinking it, Lily. I told myself. Maybe I am. I continued to open the door slowly until I saw…I saw… Mandy and Sean in Sean’s bed. Mandy was in lingerie on top of Sean who was naked. I could not believe it.

“What the hell is going on?” I was astonished. My hands were shaking. “Why would you do this to me?” My eyes started to sting from the tears that flowed down like a river.

“Lily! Wait!” Sean exclaimed. I walked out. I drove away and parked my car in an empty parking lot far away from his house and cried. I cried for a half hour. Why did he do this to me? Why is Mandy such a dirty whore? Why do I have to be pregnant? That little s*** should be pregnant. I slammed my fist onto my wheel and continued to cry. I then called Chrisoula and told her to meet me here. She let me sob and cry when she came in five minutes.

“Honey mou, that malaka is not worth your time.” She rubbed her hand on my back continuously. “I believe in you. So can God. It was God saying that he is not going to be a good father.”

“Well he is sure not going to see my daughter.” I muttered.

“He doesn’t have to. He won’t have to know when you’re in labor. He won’t have to sign the birth certificate or be in any activity of your daughter’s life.” I looked up at her like she was God.

“There is such a thing?” I half-smiled.

“Yes there is. Now let’s drive to my house and I will make you Greek coffee and spanakopita.”
We sat and discussed the possibilities for my child and what we will do. We made a list:


POSITIVES:
-HAPPIER FOR ME AND CHILD
-BE INDEPENDENT



NEGATIVES:
-NO MONEY
-NO CHILD SUPPORT
-DAUGHTER WITH NO FATHER

I reasoned out the choices. Because of his douche-like decisions, I will exit him out. I don’t need my daughter to have a father who will be sexual active with other women. She needs to be sheltered. I can use all my money that I’ve been making from McDonald’s and financially start this.
I woke up to a knock on my door. “Come in.” I slowly woke up into reality. A figure came in. This figure is Sean. I used my hands and rubbed them into my eyes to see if I am correct. Yes, it is that idiot.

“What the hell do you want? Go away.” I said with a sharp tone. I never knew I could sound so emotional, but strong at the same time.

“I want to talk to you.” He came closer with an envelope.

“No explanation is needed. I saw everything with my own eyes.”

“Sometimes eyes aren’t as clear, Lily,” He sat down on my bed. I moved my whole body slowly as far away from him as possible,

“Are you saying I am blind?”

“No, I am saying that-

-You are calling me blind.” I interrupted.

“No, just listen. Listen for once, Goddammit.” He slammed his fist to my mattress.

“What? Why would I want to listen to an asshole who just wants sex all the time?”

“Because I am your boyfriend and the father of our baby.” He shouted.

“Not anymore. I prohibit from you even seeing my daughter and we are done.” I shouted back. My eyes were raging with anger. I wanted him out. “How many times have you had sex with other girls?”

“Honestly, during your pregnancy, I had sex with four other girls from our school.” I got up from my bed. I threw a pillow at him. Like that did any good. I stared at him for a long time. My hazel eyes turned red. My body tensed.

“Get the hell out of here.” I told him slowly and clearly. “If you don’t, I swear to God.” He started to get up.

“She is still my baby, too.” He replied.

“She may have your genes and you may be her biological father, but I will forbid her from seeing you.”

“Fine,” He got up and left. He left the envelope on the floor. I was in no mood to look at it. I slept for hours and didn’t give a damn about life.

Chrisoula is my life saver. She is the one who is helping me through this pregnancy. She’s been taking me to classes about how to take care of a child and how to breathe when in labor. What would I do without her? She bought me a few dresses for my daughter. I am now eight months into the pregnancy. Everything feels as though it’s been going too quickly now.

“Chrisoula, I want you to be the godmother of my daughter. “I told her while we were at a local café ordering tea. I was craving it all week.

“I would love to.” She smiled brightly at me. “She would call me Nouna Chrisoula.” We laughed. She is totally going to make my child Greek.

***
A month later I had my daughter. Because Chrisoula’s name in Greek means Follower of Christ, I decided that my daughter had Christ’s name in it. My mother’s name is Ana. I felt as though Christiana Elizabeth was the perfect name for her. She was so perfect coming into this world. I couldn’t ask for anything better.

I parked my Honda Civic into the banquet’s parking lot. I checked myself in the mirror to make sure my make-up is okay. I curled my brown hair; which is down to my shoulders. I reapplied red lipstick and made sure my mascara and eyeliner popped out my green eyes. I got out of the car and made sure my purple Kimono dress with black heels looked okay. I could not believe that this is my ten year high school reunion. I am nervous to see Sean and Mandy. I have not talked to Sean in so long. I walked into the banquet hall and I immediately saw Sarah. Sarah. My old best friend.

“Hi.” I kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. “You look great.”

“So do you.” I stepped back and looked at her. She has a great tan, and her strawberry blond hair is straightened and she wears makeup now.

“How have you been?” We walked to sign in and to get our name tags.

“I’ve been good. I recently just got married to an entrepreneur. His name is Andy Lovato. “

“Congratulations. That must’ve been quite a remarkable journey. What is your career?”

“I am a nurse at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago. How about you? How is your daughter?” I could not believe she remembered. It feels like old times. She certainly quit smoking, I could tell.

“I am still single. My daughter, Christiana, is twelve years old now. These years ought to be interesting.” We laughed. “I am a high school English teacher, and I enjoy teaching the students. My daughter is handful though. She wants all this Abercrombie and Hollister crap that looks trashy.”

“Good luck. That must’ve been rough. I am glad you’re doing well though.”

“You too. I will see you later.” I walked in the banquet. The room was filled with mirrors, but everyone was near the bar. I set my stuff down and walked over by the bar to request some wine.

“Lily?” I heard somebody call my name.

“Hey Jeanine!” I squealed and hugged her. I felt like tonight would be a good night. I ate with a group of people I have not seen in so long. I decided to be a bigger person and talk to Mandy.

“Hello, Mandy.” I tapped her shoulder.

“Lily? Lily Robins? Is that you?” She hugged me and kissed my cheek.

“Yes it is. How are you?”

“Great! I just got engaged.” Is everyone getting engaged nowadays? I mean, I learned my lesson. I won’t be getting married until I am thirty five.

“Congratulations! Who is the lucky man?” Ugh, am I really this nice?

“The sexy beast is Carter Peters.” She took this six foot man’s hand. She rubbed her perfectly manicured nails across his chest. His skin was pale. He was actually a redhead with hazel eyes.

“Nice to meet you.” He shook my hand. His grip is firm.

“Listen, Lily. I apologize for all my actions in high school. I was a jealous b**** who shouldn’t have done that. I really, am truly sorry. If you could forgive me, I would greatly appreciate that.” I was stunned. Well, we are in our late twenties’ now. So I suppose we all matured a bit.

“I forgive you. Speaking of forgiveness, where is Sean Adams?” Her face looked surprised.

“He is over there- by the bar in the corner. Go give him a shout.”

“Thanks, Mandy. I will talk to you later. I wish the best with you and your fiancé.”

“You too, Lily. I hope your daughter is well.”
My head was spinning. Could all this be really happening? I need another drink. “One glass of Pinot Noir, please.” I requested to the bartender. I let the alcohol burn my throat for preparation to speak to …Sean.

“Lily!” I heard Sean’s voice and its body came closer.

“Oh, um, Hello Sean. How are you?” He wanted to hug, but I took out my hand instead.

“I am well. How are you?”

“I am great. I have a successful career and my daughter is keeping me out of trouble.” I laughed.

“Your daughter, huh? How is she?”

“She is fantastic. “ I grabbed my wallet out to show him a picture of her from school.

“Wow….She looks amazing. Just like you.” I slightly blushed.

“Thank you. Christiana is in the seventh grade and is in a few sports. She is in cross country and basketball.”

“Well I am glad all is well. How did you, um, handle these past ten years with little financial stability?”


“I went to school during days with the help of my mother, and worked at night. Sometimes I had little sleep, but we did well.” He offered me a drink. “No, thank you. We all know something might happen again.” I laughed. He didn’t.

“Lily, I was a fool. I am sorry for what I did. I would like to be involved with my daughter’s life.” Now? After twelve years of her being born? He wants to be in Christiana’s life? I don’t think so.

“Yes, you were a fool. If you were sorry, you would’ve came back while I was in labor twelve years ago and then I would’ve accepted your apology.” I stood there looking at him. “But I forgive you. I will never forget how big of an idiot you were. I cannot have you enter my daughter’s life in her tween years and screw up everything.”

“Will you accept my apology?” He pleaded. I looked at him in the eyes for a few seconds. He looked away. What a puss, I thought.

“I will forgive you, but I won’t accept your apology nor forget who you are.” I was about to walk away, but then I turned around. “Goodbye, Sean.” I then walked away and took a seat. I felt as though thousands of pounds lifted off my shoulders.

“Lily?” Who wants me now? It better not be Sean. It did sound like him.

“What the hell do you want Sean?” I asked in an angry tone. I turned around and looked at the name tag: HENRY JACOBS. “Oh, Henry. I am so sorry about that.” I stood up and hugged him. “How are you?” He looked fine. His blond hair was spiked, and he got contacts I see. He was wearing a blazer with slacks. The green shirt brought out his blue/green eyes. Boy, he does look amazing .

“I am great. I have been very successful these past few years. I graduated from Yale and majored in Business and marketing. My company is taking off currently, and I am the CEO of it.” My mouth dropped. Impressive, I thought.

“That is phenomenal and impressive. I am so glad to hear everything is well for you.”

“Yes, everything is.” His voice is deep, and less geeky. “How are you? Are you alright? Is everything okay with Sean and your daughter?” We both sat down. I explained to him about Christiana and how Sean is going to be exited out her life forever. I explained that my love life hasn’t been as exciting since high school and I told him about my career. We both had a few more drinks after that. Henry talked about his career and he owns a penthouse downtown. He offered me to stop by his penthouse tonight. I accepted.

I may pronounce you Mrs. And Mr. Henry Jacobs.” Henry kissed me and it felt like the first night he took me to his penthouse. We walked down the aisle and I beamed. I never felt so glorious since Christiana was born. She is now thirteen and in the eighth grade. It’s amazing how much time has gone by. Henry and I went on several dates since the reunion and he became my boyfriend, then my fiancé, and now he is my husband.

What I realized that life certainly throws curveballs. I never expected to get seduced and had my first time with some jerk in high school, and then believe that some guy who cheated on me was my love and we would be happy together. In all honesty, I am grateful what God has given me. He gave me a beautiful daughter, a home, and Henry. My mother is now living by herself and still works to keep herself sustained. Henry is adopting Christiana. I did not put Sean’s name on Christian’s birth certificate, so Henry is allowed to be Christiana’s father. After all these mishaps in my lifetime, I learned from Arthur Miller. He quoted: “Maybe all one can do is hoping to end up with the right regrets.”

I may not wanted a child at sixteen, or even be an English teacher so many years ago, but I learned that this is what God wanted me to do. I’m following the path he wants me to take.