They’re not my biological family of course. Part of the process of being erased includes eliminating contact with your previously family; in hopes prevent any sparking of your memory. All I can think of is how bad I must have had it in my previous identity. Why would I willingly give up everything I’ve ever known to be shipped to a new state to live with new people when I barely am adjusting to who I am? Regardless, I hope I fit in. It seems weird to worry; they signed up to foster me. They chose me from a whole batch of confused teenagers; and I have no idea why. At least I am wanted.
I get up and make my way towards the communal bathroom down the hall. As I am walking I hear muffled cries from the room next to mine. I shift my head closer to the door. Its William, he’s been here a week longer than me, but he’s having a harder time coping. His family is having difficulties with discharging him but they won’t tell him why. I lean against his doorframe,
“Hey.”
He looks up, his eyes puffy, “Oh… hey,” he mutters back.
“I think we’ll end up at the same school,” I say, attempting to make my tone sound comforting. “We’ll get out of this place soon.” He gives me a weak smile.
“Thanks,”
I stare at him for a few seconds more but I can feel my empathy running out. I turn on my heels and push open the bathroom door. I stop in front of the mirror above the sink and stare at myself. I look raggedy. My hair is tangled and the scar on my forehead is still large and prominent, and my eyes are so large that I constantly look frazzled. There’s not much I can do to fix my current state, as my family will be showing up sometime today. I run my fingers through my hair and attempt to smooth down the jeans and gray wrinkled tee shirt that was given to me when I woke up. I wasn’t even allowed to keep my old clothes. I rest my elbows on the counter and lean into my reflection.
“Suck it up Anna. It’s all up to you now. Just do what the doctors have told you, and cooperate.” I squint at myself in the mirror as if my reflection will have some input. I give myself one last hard stare before splashing water on my face and walking out of the bathroom and back down the hall. As I am nearing my room I see that there are balloons sitting outside. I stop in my tracks. “They’re here early,” I mumble. Although I’ve been giving my nurses and Dr. Lester hell, I find myself more timidly making my way towards the three strangers that are part of my new future. A woman with short blonde hair makes eye contact with me and envelops me into her small frame before I have time to say hello.
"You must be Anna! Welcome to the family I'm Marie or mom I guess! wow I know you must be overwhelm-"
"Mom you're crushing her," A voice interrupts. I look over and see a girl about my age with hair slightly darker blonde than her mom’s; with eyes almost the same color as mine. "I'm Ashley," she gives quick hug and me a closed mouth smile. I'm finally approached by a much taller man with the same slim frame as Marie,
"Jeff," is all he says sticking out his hand. I shake it limply. I look over at Dr. Lester who is standing behind my new family. He points at my mouth. "Smile," he mouths through gritted teeth. I plaster one on the best I can.
"Its really nice to meet all of you." That sentence alone is enough to make Marie muffle a squeal.
"We've already signed your release forms. Are you ready to come home with us?"
I immediately nod my head.
"Definitely."
...............................................................................................................................................................................
The car ride home is mostly quiet, other than Marie's commentary. Although I’m moving into a new house, I don’t have any luggage. The back of the car seems empty other than some food wrappers on the floor.
Marie glances at me through the rear view mirror, "You're just going to love Pennsylvania. There's so much to do here I need to start planning our weekends. Do you remember what kind of foods you enjoy eating? Hobbies?"
"Neither," I reply, my eyes fixated on the blurred trees passing by outside my window. "My brain is about equal to a 5 year old."
Ashley snorts, "high school is going to be real fun then."
I honestly haven't even thought about school up until this point since my brain has been a clutter of confusion and annoyance. Luckily my ability to read and write hadn't been erased along with the rest of my memory. Some teenagers weren't so lucky.
"I've already spoken with the principal at Ashley's high school,” Marie reassures me. “They have a specialized program for teenagers that have been erased. I believe there will be 5 or 6 other kids in your class.”
“But you can hang out with me and my friends if you want,” Ashley chimes in. “The erased kids are a bit off if you know what I mean.” I just smile and look back out the window. ‘glad to know we’re known as crazy,’ I think to myself. Office buildings and road signs slowly are replaced with houses and trees, I figure we must be close. I close my eyes. This is home now.

Home is a red brick house with white shutters, just like the ones in the hospital’s complimentary magazines. Home smells like coffee and air freshener, but with the fresh smell that spring brings. The hallway where we enter is filled with family pictures and a giant wall decal that says “LOVE.” I resist the urge to roll my eyes. My ability to be cynical is the only thing that didn’t seem to be erased with the rest of my emotions. Marie and Jeff are talking about some office party and how they have to reschedule a dentist appointment, but I focus on how the hardwood floor is much warmer than the cold hospital tiles. My fingers lightly drag along the wall where I turn the corner and enter into the kitchen. Breathing in deeply I can’t help but smile, there are four place settings on the table.
“Ashley why don’t you show Anna where your room is while I finish making dinner?” Marie calls from the sink.
“Come upstairs!” She shouts in reply. I take my time, noticing how the wood creaks under my feet with each step, a sound i’m not familiar with. I push open the door to our room to see Ashley reading on her twin bed. I have an identical one next to hers. The room isn’t overwhelming. It has light blue walls and two large windows, Ashley’s half has a bulletin board overflowing with photos and concert tickets. Some of her clothes are strewn on the floor. My half looks barren aside from the brightly colored bedspread. I lie down onto the bed and stare at the ceiling, letting an audible sigh escape my lips.
“Do you know who I was?” I ask Ashley nonchalantly. It’s a question I promised myself and the nurses that I wouldn’t ask, but my curiosity is eating away at me.
“What do you mean?”
“Like who I WAS, before you decided to foster me.”
Ashley looks up from her book, “No the hospital won’t tell us. It was like adopting a baby really. They just told us to recite the same thing they told you, that you were a shitty person but you made the right decision to start over.”
I furrow my eyebrows and roll to face her, “ a shitty person?”
Ashley giggles, “Well yeah who knows what you did before you were erased! Maybe you were an experienced robber.”
“Or an axe murder,” I chime in.
“Or a grave robber.”
“or a con artist.”
“or maybe you just smoked a lot of weed.” Ashley grins. I gasp at her suggestion and we both make eye contact, her own eyes widen at my reaction and we both start laughing. “hey I never did ask about your tattoo,” Ashley says running her index fingers under her eyes to wipe up her running mascara.
“I honestly know as much about it as you do. It’s the one thing I have left from my old self and I have no idea what it means.”
“Well I think it’s pretty badass,” Ashley says matter-of-factly. “Your old parents must have been super chill.”
“Or maybe they were the masterminds behind my apparent grave robbing,” I sarcastically suggest. I mutter my next sentence almost inaudibly,” I don’t even know what state I’m from.”
Ashley still manages to hear it, “Listen I don’t know what it feels like to be you, but the nurse told us to encourage and support you through your ‘journey to a better tomorrow,’ or something like that.”
I find myself grinning at the hospital ridiculous philosophy. “Is that a joke?”
Ashley laughs, “I’m not even kidding.” But seriously it’s gonna be okay. Our family isn’t too crazy and the school isn’t too huge. We’ll have fun. Cool?”
I smile, “Cool.”

I start school the following week, after four days consisting of firsts. First grocery store trip, first time on a bus, first time doing the dishes. I was hoping school would be slightly cheerier than the hospital, but I was wrong. I am surrounded by the same monotonous colored gray, hallways, gray lockers, and teenagers who all seem to have a place. Ashley was nice enough to walk me to my only class; the erased program consists of two teachers trying to integrate us back into regular high school curriculum.  There are only five other kids in this class. One is William, but even he is laughing with the other classmates, he must of started school the day after he got fostered. I sit myself down at a desk behind everyone. A girl about my age with red hair and green eyes turns around to face me.
“Anne right? I’m Eleanor, I’ve been here for almost 3 months.” I give a nervous half assed ‘nice to meet you’, which she immediately picks up on. “It’s not as bad as you think. The teachers here are pretty cool. Plus we all stick together, you won’t feel so isolated soon.” I just give her a thankful smile as the teacher walks in, a kind of stout woman wearing a skirt down to her ankles.
“Good morning everyone. I hope you will get yourself acquainted with Anna, as she will be with us for the remainder of the school year. Remember how scared and isolated you felt on your first day of school and make her feel welcomed,” a few quick glances are thrown at me. “Alright now let’s begin.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When the bell finally rings for lunch I’m the first out the door but I don’t know where I going.
“Hey Anne wait up!” I hear behind me. I turn around to see Eleanor jogging towards me. “Where are you going? The cafeteria is the other way.”
I try to make up an excuse for my desire to be alone. I’ve never been around so many people my age and I’m overwhelmed. “I just thought I’d walk around and get a feel for the school that’s all. Even though I’m going to be stuck in one classroom all day I might as well explore a bit.”
“Oh okay,” Eleanor says. “But if you change your mind come and find us.” She turns around and heads with the rest of the school towards the cafeteria. I let out a long breath. Maybe I was a crazy recluse; I don’t understand how anybody could want to be around so many people. The hallways around me slowly start to clear, leaving me looking like a lost child. Someone walks past me and pushes through the double doors behind me, which lead to the quad. I decide to follow, not having anywhere else to go.
I walk outside and embrace the warm spring air. Shuffling my feet, I begin to make my way around the outskirts of the campus. My mind is calm for the first time in weeks. I pass by Ashley and her friends sitting at a table under a tree. She gives me a little wave and I smile back at her. The more I walk the more the more I think and I start to slowly realize, ‘I can do this. I can live here.’ It’s a different kind of feeling. When I’m forcing my compassion I can’t even fool myself. But there’s something about they way the flowers on the trees are blooming or how the crisp April air whips my cheeks that makes me feel content. Slowing down my pace, I finish my first loop around the courtyard. Before I can begin to take my second loop, my thoughts are interrupted, not by a whom but by a what. Why does it feel like eyes are burning through my back? I turn around slowly, but see nothing. I take a deep breath and pick up my pace, but the burning feeling returns quickly. Why do I feel even remotely afraid? There is nothing surrounding me that could possibly hurt me. However my heart begins to pound in my chest. What is happening? “Stop it,” I murmur to myself. I throw the doors open to the school and hurry into the hallway. Whipping my head around the second I hear the doors close. Aside from groups of students leaning against lockers talking to one another. I see nothing. So why did I have the feeling that I was being watched?
Back in class, Eleanor notices my worried face.
“Hey what’s up? You look like you saw a ghost.”
“I wish it had been.” I mutter looking at the ground. “I felt like I was being watched. I had to stop myself from sprinting.”
“Maybe it’s like a clue from your previous identity,” Eleanor suggests.
I look up, “What do you mean?”
“For some reason when we were all erased, there is always a part of us that stays. Something that isn’t just instinct.” She leans in, “For example I can pick up on emotions easily. Maybe you can pick up on danger.”
“Do you think I was in danger?”
“Not necessarily, but the fact that you came into class nearly panting even though you didn’t break a sweat has to suggest something.”
Our teacher, who I now know as Mrs. Iden, walks back into the room. Eleanor just gives me a reassuring smile, “Don’t over think it okay? I’m sure it wasn’t anything important.”
For the rest of class I can’t concentrate. Bits of my previous life are starting to fall around me and I don’t know if I want to piece them together. I run my fingers over my tattoo and wonder why I care so much. ‘It’s just a stupid tattoo. It doesn’t mean anything.’ I think to myself. ‘If it were important they would have removed it when I was erased.’ With my desperate attempt to reassure myself, the bell finally rings, signaling the end of the day. I grab my backpack and see Ashley standing in the doorway waiting for me.
“Did you first day go okay?”
I just nod, and we push open the doors to the school. I take a deep breath of the crisp April air and begin to steady my thoughts. Ashley goes on to tell me in detail about her day and why her friends are pissing her off, but I only half listen.
The walk home is beautiful. Being the first spring I remember all I want to is to immortalize it in my thoughts. The way our shoes don’t make a harsh noise on the sidewalk due to the flowers littering the ground makes me wonder why people are in such a rush to get home. When we finally walk up the steps to our house I speak before Ashley can unlock the door.
“Hey I’m just going to walk around for a bit. It’s been a long day.”
“Sure,” Ashley replies. “Just don’t get lost.”
I decide to walk down the block and head towards the tiny nature park near the end of the street. I keep my pace slow; not wanting to take for granted the breeze that rustles the trees. I hear the crunch of a branch behind me and I whip my head around. Sucking in my breath I see a boy about my age standing at the end of the block behind me. Knowing he’s been spotted, he begins to quickly make his way towards me, his hands not leaving his jacket pockets. The familiar thudding of my heart and knots in my stomach tell me to run. I force my feet to clumsily carry me faster towards the park. My mind is a jumble of thoughts. This boy hasn’t even posed a logical towards me. However to my dismay his pace begins to quicken, attempting to match mine. I break into a near sprint and desperately try and find an escape route. My only hope is to try and lose him between the trees encompassing the park. I throw myself into the safety of the trees.
“Wait!” I hear behind me. I don’t even bother to turn around. I’m beginning to run out of breath but my heart continues to race. I’m so focused on running that I don’t notice the tree root jabbing out of the ground. My foot catches, and I spill onto the cold ground, the boy following close behind.
“What do you want with me?” I spit at him, bracing myself for the worst. He says nothing but instead grabs my wrist. He pulls down his own sleeve and my eyes widen. I let out a sickening gasp when I see why his hands were in his pockets. On his right wrist there is a torch tattoo identical to mine. I look up and see the desperation in his eyes.
“My name is Weston Till, and I’m here to help you.”

“No,” I breathe out softly. “You used to know me didn’t you. Before I was Anna?” Weston nods slowly, sparking panic in my stomach. “Then get the hell away from me. Please! I can’t deal with any more changes. I don’t care who you are! I don’t care why you’re here! I do-”
“Elena! Your name was Elena,” Weston interrupts. “You’re 16, you had a dog named Daisy, your best friend is Jane...”
I rip my wrist out of his grip and push my hands over my ears. “STOP.”
Weston grabs my wrists and pulls them away from my head. “WE NEED YOU BACK.” I’m startled by the tone of anger in his voice. He lets go of my wrists and I sit up. At this point I’m more confused than scared. “I know this is too much to understand and I know that you have no idea who you used to be but I wouldn’t be risking my life talking to you if it our lives depended on it.”
“Our??” I begin to panic again. “Who the hell else is with you?”
Weston doesn’t respond, he only glances at his tattooed wrist. After seconds of silence he looks back up at me,
“You’ll see. You just have to come with me.” He stands up and offers me a hand.
“Forget it,” I spit out. “You have two options, either get out of my way and don’t try to talk to me again, or I’ll call the cops and you can explain to them our little situation.”
To my immediate relief, Weston steps aside. However not before his eyes narrow.
“I don’t care what they changed your name to, or what your new family tells you, the Elena I know is in there, and she’ll make the right choice.” With that he turns and disappears further into the park, leaving me standing, petrified. ‘That didn’t just happen,’ I murmur trying to steady my heartbeat. I wrap my arms around my knees and sink onto the ground, letting my back rest against a tree. The right decision? What does he expect? I can’t just pick up and leave everything I’m just getting used to. But what did he mean ‘our lives depend on it.’ I shake the thoughts out of me head. Why am I contemplating? I stand up and push my clammy hands against my warm cheeks. I turn my head, half expecting to see Weston standing there, but I only see the sunlight streaming through the trees. I shove my hands into my jacket pockets and start hastily heading back to the house.
I burst through the front door and immediately run upstairs. Ashley pulls out her headphones when I come in our room, but closes her textbook when she sees the panic on my face.
“whoa whoa whoa what's wrong? What happened while you were walking.”
“Elena…” is all I manage to sputter out.
“What? Who’s that.”
“Me. He said my name is Elena.”
“S***…” Ashley mutters and pushes our door closed. “What the hell is going on, who did you talk to?”
“He talked to me!” I cry. “I tried to run but he followed me and… told me things.”
Ashley grabs my hand and sits me down on the bed. “Listen to me. I don’t care who ‘he’ is. I don’t care who you are. I don’t care what the f*** he told you. You are going to pretend it never happened. Scratch that it did never happen. I’m not going to tell anyone but not everyone is as nice as me. This is the last we talk about it ever got it?”
I just nod, trying my best to fight off tears.
“What would happen if someone found out?”
“I thought we agreed to not talk about it again.” Ashley just sputters. However as she opens the door and walks towards the stairs she looks back at me standing in the doorway. “You don’t want to know.”

I’m quieter at school the next day. I try to not to let my overwhelming paranoia effect me, but I still find myself glancing over my shoulder every few minutes. Eleanor sits next to me in class, and begins to talk all about her annoying brother. Across from me William is chatting with the two other boys in our class, I can tell he’s elaborating on something funny by the way his hands are flailing and the suppressed laughter from his friends. How is everyone so adjusted already?
“Hey are you even listening?” Eleanor interrupts my thoughts.
“What? Yeah, sorry.”
She just rolls her eyes. “Listen, you should really come sit with us at lunch today. We need each other to really get through this year. Plus you’re the only other girl in this class and I’m struggling.”
I immediately agree. She’s right. I’m not going to get over what happened yesterday by sitting outside and feeling scared. As if someone is reading my thoughts, the bell rings and Eleanor grabs my hand, shouting at the boys to wait up.
The cafeteria is just like the ones in the shows that Ashley watches. It’s loud, smells awful, and is crammed with teenagers who all seem to have a claimed table. I sit down with my lunch tray at table with the rest of the erased kids. I look up to see Ashley meeting my gaze from across the room. She gives me a thumb up that’s more of a question than a reassurement. I return a weak one, but it seems satisfying enough to her.
The rest of lunch is filled with conversation. I learn that the other two boys are named Caspar and Marcus. Marcus is small, a year younger than I, with no trace of uncertainty in his eyes. You wouldn’t be able to tell that he was erased by just glancing at him. Marcus on the other hand is tall and lanky, his face dotted with freckles. I can already tell that him and William have grown close.
“So what’s your family like?” Eleanor asks.
“Pretty normal I guess. Not that I have much to compare them to.”
“Ashley is your sister right?”
“Yeah.”
She leans in, “I heard Matt Round is going to ask her to prom.”
I half gasp half laugh, “How on earth do you know?”
“Let’s just say I’m a good listener, and I know what all his classes are.”
“You’ve only been here a few months and you’re already stalking people?”
“Hey come on, I’m just embracing my intuitions! Like how you can sense danger.”
“Okay that was just a weird afternoon and I’m not going to join the CIA or anything.”
“Never say never,” Eleanor just sings. “Hey do you want to hang out sometime this week? I haven’t exactly had ‘girl time’ with anybody besides my mom.”
“Yeah sure. I think I’m free this weekend. Maybe you, me, and Ashley can do something fun.”
“That sounds great.” Eleanor gives me a thankful smile.
When the lunch bell rings, I’m quick to grab my bag and make my way back to my locker. William catches up to me in the hallway and rests his hand on my far shoulder.
“Welcome to the family,” is all he says. I look up at him and through the masked confidence he portrays I see the same scared boy that I met in the hospital in his eyes. “We’re all scared, but we have each other.” It’s the first reassuring news I’ve heard all week. The knot in my stomach seems to unravel as I finally start to feel safe again. William lets go of my shoulder and jogs towards class, high fiving a boy on his way. I just smile and find my locker. I unlock it and stuff my books inside, at the same time, a slip of paper falls from the top shelf to to rest between my feet. I frown and pick it up, opening the messy folds. The blood drains from my face, my breath hitches and I bite my tongue. Imprinted on the paper with black ink is tattoo. My tattoo. Weston’s tattoo. The torch. Under the torch are five words. “You’ll make the right decision.” I half crumple up the paper, half rip it. I stuff it back into my locker, fighting off tears. I slam the door and walk back to class, taking longer strides than before, and falling back into my routine of glancing over my shoulder. ‘There’s no way Weston goes to this school.’ I remind myself. ‘I don’t live anywhere near where I was when I was Elena. Maybe this is some sort of sick joke. Maybe Ashley is testing me-’ I slam into a girl walking out of her classroom; our books go flying.
“I am so sorry,” I sputter, bending down to try and retrieve my scattered papers.
“Don’t worry about it, I shouldn’t have barged out of my class like that.” We continue to collect our belongings, but the girl stops and stares at my wrist. “Did you get that tattoo with Tara?”
I freeze, “What.”
“Tara Adams, she has the same tattoo, same wrist and everything. How long have you guys known each other?”
A wave of anguish washes over me. Someone is watching me.
“I have to go,” I just mumble, grabbing the rest of my stuff and hastily walking back to class, keeping my head down. Whoever is trying to get me to rejoin whatever cult I was once apart of is failing. I’m more terrified than intrigued.
The rest of the day is a blur. I try to distract myself by throwing myself into the details of WWII but I still can’t concentrate. I’m not so much conflicted as I am scared. Even talking to these people could lead to the termination of my erased life. If anyone at the hospital or even my parents found out, I could end up rotting in a jail cell for the rest of my life, that is if I’m lucky enough to live.
I can’t shake my paranoia on the walk home with Ashley. She eventually catches on to my concern when I stop contributing to the conversation and focus on my jacket sleeves.
“Hey Anna look at me.”
I sheepishly obey.
“It’s over okay? You haven’t seen-” Ashley looks around her. “...him since yesterday. He’s not going to bother you. So you just snap out of it?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod. “Good,” she replies. “We are going to go home and you’re going to smile and tell our parents how you’re adjusting to school. They’re already concerned with how shy and quiet and scared you’ve been acting. No matter how you’re feeling you’re going to convince them that everything is going well. Don’t forget that if they find out what happened yesterday it’s both of our asses that are getting terminated.”
“I’ll convince them,” I say confidently.
Ashley just squeezes my shoulder. “Alrighty then. Lets go home.”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
At dinner Marie manages to scare me with a mouthful of potatoes.
“I forgot to remind you but you have a follow up appointment with Dr. Lester tomorrow. You’ll have to miss part of school tomorrow but they said it’s mandatory that they see you.” I suppress the panic bubbling up in my stomach and glance at Ashley who just narrows her eyes at me.
“Sounds good,” I comment cheerily.
We continue to eat dinner quietly until Jeff interrupts the silence.
“Oh s***,” he audibly mumbles picking up his phone and bringing it closer to his face. His eyes scan the article he must be reading. “Ashley does a Tara Adams go to your school?”
“Yeah,” She replies. “Why?”
“She was just arrested.”
This can’t be happening.
“No way for what?”
“Some foiled plot to murder a hospital worker.”
“Oh my goodness her poor parents.” Marie sighs.
“Well it looks like you two won’t be seeing her anymore.” Jeff says. “She’s probably going to be erased. Unless she wants to spend her life in jail.”
I take deep breaths, praying that I didn’t use to be in the same mindset she was. If I go to the Dr. Lester tomorrow with my tattoo showing I’ll be re-arrested. And if that happens, it’s extremely unlikely I’ll be erased again. I just remain quiet and continue to pick at my potatoes.
“Anna honey are you feeling okay? You’ve barely talked all afternoon.” I look up to meet Marie’s concerned eyes.
“Y-yeah,” I stammer. “I just have a lot of homework. Adjusting has been pretty hard; I’m kinda stressed.”
Jeff chimes in, “You should try and invest that stress into something productive. Slay your demons.” I give him a tired but appreciative smile, but I don’t think slaying my demons will help with my situation. I need to ignore my demons, and just pray that they’ll go away. Besides, demons are imaginary, and my danger is very, very real.
I have trouble sleeping that night. I’m kept up by my thoughts. Awful thoughts. Thoughts of actually finding Weston, following him, and seeing why these people need me back so bad. If Eleanor was right, and I do have an advanced ability to sense danger, wouldn’t I be able to handle myself? I shake my head against the pillow, trying to wipe away my intrusive images.
“You have to fight this,” I whisper to myself. “No slaying your demons, just keep fighting.” I roll onto my side and face the wall, and begin to desperately lull myself to sleep.

I breathe through my skittishness in the halls at school. ‘No one is going to hurt me here,’ I try to convince myself. I take a deep breath before opening my locker. Nothing falls out. I sigh in relief. ‘Today is going to be a better day.’
I’m finally catching up in my class. Math is no longer the hardest thing for me to do. At lunch, I sit with the erased kids, and William keeps making jokes about this year’s prom location. My sense of belonging is setting in. I’m no longer an outsider amongst my own peers. As long as I surround myself with people that support me, no one can hurt me. I feel a sense of relief knowing that Tara is no longer at school. Maybe she was the one I felt watching me in the hallways. Of course I feel bad that she is going to be erased, but it will mean a fresh start for her.
Every so often I wonder what my involvement in the group of teenagers with torches on their wrists was. I try not to think too hard however, I get paranoid that when I was erased some sort of chip was put into my brain and someone can read my thoughts. So my tattoo remains the elephant in my mind.
Marie picks me up right after lunch and we head to the hospital for my appointment. I made sure to wear long sleeves to cover my wrist, even though the weather has been getting increasingly warmer. Marie senses my uneasiness and attempts to give some advice,
“Don’t worry about this appointment, it’s just a follow up. They’re just going to be making sure that you’ve adjusted accordingly to your new identity.” I just swallow loudly and continue to stare out the window, until the small businesses outside turn into a big white building. I pull my sleeves down and take a deep breath. ‘Here we go.’
I am welcomed back into the erased teenagers ward by an unforgiving chill, mixed with the smell of saline. They keep the erased ward especially barren, to try to avoid any extra panic that comes with waking up and not knowing who you are. It seems to be a quiet day, not that it was ever exactly bustling. I’m only in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before my name is called.
“Anna Owens? You’ll be in exam room 2.”
I get up and turn to look at Marie.
“I’ll be right here when you get out,” she assures me. I walk down the long corridor and get myself situated in my room. On the walls there are posters that are meant to be motivational, but my mood doesn’t change. Dr. Lester swings open the door, his clipboard in hand.
“Hello Anna! How are things?”
“Good,” I shrug.
“Great to hear. Since this is your first follow up appointment since your procedure I’m just going to have you perform a series of cognitive tests. We’re just making sure that the procedure went totally smoothly and no damage was done to any part of your frontal lobe.”
“I didn’t know that there could be damage to my frontal lobe,” I remark.
Dr. Lester just scribbles on his clipboard,” well you obviously took that risk seeing that you are here today. Alright lets begin.”
My tests all went well, turns out there is no damage to my frontal lobe, not that I believe that Dr. Lester would tell me anyway. He hands me his clipboard and his pen.
“If you could just sign here, it’s just a form saying that all the tests were performed adequately.”
I’ve never had to sign my name before. I grasp the pen awkwardly, not use to writing on anything other than my desk. I make out an awkward scribble that should be good enough. I hand Dr. Lester back the clipboard, but as I am, I watch his gaze lower to my arm, and his eyes widen. I look down, my sleeve has traveled down to my elbow, and tattoo is on full display. “Where did you get that,” he breathes out. I freeze, suddenly forgetting how to put words together. “Answer me.”
“I had it when I woke up,” I try to say nonchalantly.
“You’re lying.”
“What makes you think that my family would allow me to get a tattoo before I know my own name?”
“I’m scheduling a removal appointment for next week. No… this week. I don’t think you understand the danger associated with that tattoo.”
“So enlighten me,” I retort.
“Even I don’t know everything about it, but I know that if you want to stay out of prison, it needs to come off as soon as possible. I don’t know how we missed it when we performed the procedure.”
“But what does it mean? What am I running from?”
“I already told you, I don’t know everything. But what I do know is classified.”
“Classified?” I ask accusingly, but Dr. Lester is done talking.
“I’ll see you later this week.” And with that, he walks out of the exam room, closing the door behind him. My eyes don’t lose their focus on the door. I didn’t notice how hard I had been gripping the exam bed until I look down and see that my knuckles have turned a yellowish white. If I get this thing removed, will Weston and his whole gang of whatever leave me alone? Will this change anything? I step down off the bed onto shaky legs. I smooth down my hair and reach for the doorknob.
“I need to find out who I was, who I am. I need to find out why.”

I enter school with a new motive, and a note in my hand. I slide it into the cracks of my locker, with just enough sticking out for someone to notice. Someone who is looking.
I spend all morning staring at the clock and darting my head at whoever passes by the door. Eleanor knows that something is wrong, and I don’t know how much longer I can hide this from her.
The bell rings and I try to pace myself out the door. Eleanor taps me on the shoulder.
“Whatever is going on, and don’t try to tell me that nothing is, just stay safe okay?” But she leaves before I can respond. I flex my fingers and try to place one foot in front of the other. When I reach my locker, my gaze remains at my feet. I look up slowly, not sure what I will find. My note is in the same spot, seemingly untouched. I reach out and grab it, there has to be some sort of response. With shaky hands I unfold my note.
After school, in the park that you and Weston met in.
We knew you would make the right choice.
I’m upset at how transparent and weak I must look, but my determination is slowly replacing my fear. I crumble up the note and stick it in my pocket. This is going to be a long day.
Eleanor seems too scared to ask about my mood for the rest of the day. Maybe she can sense that my decision to break every law regarding the erased procedure is just too much for her to get into. And I don’t blame her. The end bell rings and I feel my heart beginning to pick up speed. But it’s no longer a panicked beat. I feel filled with adrenaline.
I keep my walk home with Ashley as mundane as possible, filling her in with bits and pieces of gossip from my side of the school. I also let her know about Matt’s possible prom proposal, and it’s met with an excited squeal. I wish these were the things that I could get excited about. Part of me also wishes that my tattoo had been removed when I was erased, but the other part of me knows that I have to find out who I was, who I am.
“Hey I’m going to walk around the park again today. I’ll see you inside?”
Ashley nods, “Okay but hurry up, you can help me look at dresses online later.” and with that she bounds up the stairs and into the house. I stare at the sidewalk in front of me and begin to pick up my pace. I have made my decision, and there’s no turning back. Should I have said goodbye to my family first? I shake my head, clearing my thoughts. This isn’t a death trap, all I agreed to was to meet with this annoying and mysterious group that won’t leave me alone. I am thinking so much that I don’t even notice that I have reached the park, but I do notice that my heart has stopped pounding. Where did I meet Weston? I was in such a desperate hurry to get away from him that I don’t remember which way I ran. “Crap.” I mutter under my breath. All of these people are apparently counting on me to show up today and I have no idea where I’m going.
“Hey,”
I whip around ball my fists. I am met face to face with Weston. “Glad to see you haven’t lost your reflexes,” he grins. I uncurl my fingers,
“Lets just get this over with.”
Weston puts his hands in front of his chest in a sarcastic defense. “Okay m’lady, follow me.” It’s a good thing he wasn’t this much of an ass when he first tried to get my attention, I would have never showed up. We walk deeper and deeper into the nature park until we are surrounded by nothing but trees. I expect us to enter some sort of cave, or secret underground passage, but I am surprised that after 15 minutes of navigating through the foliage, I am met with the group. All sitting around and talking.  I stop a few feet behind Weston. 20 eyes one by one look up and notice my presence.
“She’s here.” I hear a whisper to my right.
“How the hell did he convince Elena to come here,” another from my left.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Weston walks to the middle of the now forming circle. “As you can see I have Elena in tow, however apparently she’s Anna now, and remember she has no idea who we are and what we do, so bear with me.” He turns around to face me, his face growing more and more cocky. “Anna, welcome to the Torches.” I glance at my wrist, which Weston notices. “It’s very original I know.”
“Can you just tell me what you do and why the hell I’m here?” I see some people raise their eyebrows at my sudden interruption.
“Okay.” Weston agrees. “Anna the government that you know and trust, is not what is seems.”
I roll my eyes, “Are you seriously telling me that you practically blackmailed me into coming here just to talk about you government conspiracies? I don’t think so, goodbye.” I turn on my heels and start to walk away from the group.
“YOU DIDN’T AGREE TO BE erased.” the words echo in my ears, stopping me in my tracks. I turn around slowly, “What.”
“Anna you need to listen to me. Please just listen.” I see the desperation in Weston’s eyes. That mixed with my utter confusion about what I just heard leads me to shakily walk back towards him. “Your name was Elena and you were a part of the torches. We are a group of teenagers that are trying to expose the government for the horrors that go behind closed doors. Sometimes that means violently but we are trying to do good. We are trying to save people.”
“How did I get erased?”
“You were trying to sneak into a hospital in Baltimore. You were planning to steal the files of teenagers that had been erased there. There was a rumor going on that teens were being forcefully erased for misdemeanors instead of felonies. But the mission went bad, and you were taken into custody.”
“How do you know that I didn’t choose to be erased?” I ask accusingly.
“Because I know you Anna.” Weston points to the group, “We know you. and we know that you would rather die for what you believe in than have your memory erased and follow the government.”
I’m trying to take everything, in but I still have unanswered questions, “Why am I so important? When you practically tackled me in the park last week you told me that you guy’s lives depended on my being here. What makes me special?”
        “You can sense danger from a mile away. You’re the one who kept us safe.”
        I cross my arms, “So I was just your lookout?”
        “No Anna, you were our leader.” These words hit me harder than the ones about my past. A leader? I’m sure I was many things when I was Elena, but a leader couldn’t be one of them. Weston continues to stare at me. Does he just expect me to turn back into Elena and assume the role of the head convict?
        “I know this hardly makes any sense now,” Weston takes a deep breath. “But even if you don’t want to see us or talk to us ever again, you cannot tell anyone about this meeting, or about the torches in general. Not only will you be endangering yourself, you will be endangering all of us, including your-“
        “I’m in.” I interrupt, barely recognizing my own voice. But there’s something about the overwhelming combination of family and desperation surrounding me that makes me want to help.
I feel 20 eyes burn into my body.
        “You’re in?”
        “I am not Elena, and I am not your leader, but… I’m in. What do we do now?”

Operation Tara is the next goal of the torches. A simple enough task that requires complicated decisions and possible dire consequences. If Weston is right, Tara is being held at Philadelphia Memorial Hospital, the same one where I had my procedure and where I’m going to be having my tattoo removed.  Weston explained to me that there is a good chance that they are going to do as much as they can to pry information out of her before wiping her. We need to get in there, Rescue her, and get out fast. After that we’re going to have to relocate. Weston says maybe we can make our way south, head towards Virginia and try and recruit more people. I didn’t realize I was agreeing to a nomadic lifestyle when I agreed to support the torches, but the more time I spend with them the more they begin to feel like home. I’m more welcome with them than I ever was at school. After school today I went prom dress shopping with Eleanor and Ashley. Eleanor is growing to become more like Ashley. Normal that is. While they devote the day to finding a dress to match their corsages, I am thinking about strategies. I know the hospital’s erased ward front to back. I also know how the floor has extra security.
“Anna!” I look up to see Eleanor and Ashley staring at me.
“Earth to Anna anybody home? What do you think about this dress?” Eleanor does a full spin in the cramped dressing room. I have to admit she looks great.
I grin, “William is going to love it.”
“Do you really think so? You know we could still get you a dress. I’ve heard Caspar has his eye on youuuuu.”
I just shake my head, “I don’t think so. Besides, I think I’m going to hang out with some friends and have some sort of anti prom that night.”
“Ouch,” Eleanor says. “Making friends without me. It’s a good thing I like you.”
I just laugh, “trust me, you wouldn’t like them anyway.”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
The date of my tattoo removal comes up fast, so does my guilt. The idea of betraying the family that took me in and continue to raise me like I had always been apart of their life was almost enough to deter me from altering my life. But I can feel Elena slowly replacing Anna. My timidness is wearing away to a newfound confidence I didn’t know I possessed. I manage to keep my composure when I’m around my family. That night while I’m up late reading I feel as though someone is watching me. I sit up and look over at Ashley but she’s sleeping, facing away from me. I peel the covers off of my legs and make my way to the window. I look down to see Weston, with his hands in his pockets staring up at me. I open the window and he grins, “I knew you would know when I showed up.”
I shush him, “What are you doing here?”
He shrugs, “I couldn’t sleep. Let’s go for a walk.” I close the window and change out of my pajama shorts and into jeans. Making sure to shut the bedroom door behind me, I slowly walk down the stairs, taking my time. I silently thank Marie and Jeff for never getting an alarm system and turn the lock. It makes a louder than expected click and I grimace, waiting to see if I blew my cover. However the house remains silent. Weston startles me by being right outside the door when I open it. I smack him and he stifles a laugh, “for someone who can sense danger you sure scare easy.”
We start down the sidewalk, not having a destination.
“You know,” I begin. “I don’t actually know that much about you. When were you erased?”
“I wasn’t.” He replies, “My brother was two years ago.”
“Then why did you joi-”
“Because my brother wasn’t a felon. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and I didn’t get to say goodbye.”
“So that’s why you voluntarily left, in hopes you’ll find him in whatever state you’re in next?”
Weston nods. “I know he’s still out there.” We continue to walk until I break the silence. “What do we do if it works? If we free Tara and somehow make it out unscathed, how will we get to Virginia? What do we do when we get there? How are we-”
“I don’t know.” Weston laughs. “Somehow we always figure it out. We just cross our fingers and hope for the best.”
I look at my feet, “Well I am f*ing terrified.”
“You have every reason to be.”
I roll my eyes, “Not exactly the reassurance I was looking for.”
“Hey hey hey.” Weston stops me. “You don’t need reassurance because you know what you’re doing is right. I’ve known you for less than 3 weeks and I can already see you becoming a different person.”
“And by different person you mean Elena.”
“No.” With his reply I look up at him confused.
“No?”
“I was wrong. Elena was erased with the rest of your memory. I thought that if you came back to the torches… to me... that you would turn back into her.”
“What do you mean back to you…” I question, but he presses his lips to mine before I he can respond. It’s soft and quick, like he’s seeing how different I am from Elena. I stare at Weston with questioning eyes, but he just nods and I get my response.
“You may be Anna now, but you will always have Elena’s courage.”

I wake up to a pit in my stomach; my appointment is in 2 hours. At breakfast I feel as though I should be giving some sort of goodbye speech. My family doesn’t deserve any of this. All they wanted was to welcome me into their life and I’m repaying them by disgracing myself and their name. Ashley stops me on my way out the door.
“Hey do you want to get coffee with Eleanor and I after school?”
“Yeah that sounds great,” I lie. “See you at school!”
I watch her walk away as I get in the car with Marie. Ashley only ever wanted to protect me. How would my new life be different if I had just listened to her?
I try to take in as much as Philadelphia as I can on the car ride to the hospital. The trees, the grey sky, the asphalt slowly being littered with rain. Hopefully Virginia will be just as beautiful. Marie pulls into a parking spot behind the hospital.
“Okay sweetie Dr. Lester said the procedure may take a while so I’m just going to drop you off and do some shopping. But I’ll be back in two hours okay?” I don’t respond, but instead lean in to hug her with my seatbelt still tugging at my shoulder.
“I’ll see you soon.”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
All I need to do is access Dr. Lester’s file cabinet and find out where they are keeping Tara, and then somehow find her and free her without being noticed. Easy right? Emee, a member of the torches no older than 14, volunteered to attempt to distract Dr. Lester for me. Weston and Alex, who has been with Weston since the very beginning, are going to wing me. The rest of the torches are will be gathering near the parking lot, ready to either fight or flee. I calmly walk into the waiting room and I am instantly recognized by the receptionist.
“Hello Anna! Hope your day has been good so far. Dr. Lester should be here shortly.” I don’t respond, but instead attempt to reimagine the layout of the hospital behind the door that separates the waiting room and the erased ward. I am casually flipping through a magazine when the back door flies open and a shrill shriek fills the room. Emee appears and sprints to the front desk.
“HELP ME,” she yells clutching her head, fingers threatening to rip out her hair. “MY HEAD I’M SEEING THINGS PLEASE HELP ME.” The receptionist stares at her, mouth sputtering but failing to put together words, and she shakily reaches for the phone.
“I need Dr. Lester in the waiting room immediately. It’s code blue.” Emee just flops onto the floor and continues to grab at her skull. Not 20 seconds later Dr. Lester bursts into the room with his exam gloves still on.
“S***,” I hear him mutter, not something most patients want to hear. “Help me get her to the back I don’t have a stretcher available.” Him and the receptionist awkwardly grab at her limbs with are now writhing, and haul her into the hallway, the door swinging behind them.
I sit there in stunned silence. I almost want to start applauding at Emee’s realistic performance, but I know my time is limited, and I don’t know what he’ll try to do to her to figure out what is wrong. Lucky for me, I’m the only person in the waiting room. I let out a breath, not even knowing I was keeping mine in, and push past the doors. The ward sends waves of memories back into me. Memories of we wandering up and down the halls for almost two weeks while I was waiting to be placed with a family. I don’t have time to sit and think where his office is, I just start to run. Looking for the signature wooden door. I round a corner to see two nurses making rounds down the hall. I freeze and duck into a room, silently closing the door behind me.
“Who are you?” I hear a timid voice behind me. I turn around to see a small pair of eyes staring at me from the bed. She can’t have been here for more than a week.
“Tara Moss. Have you heard of her?”
“Y-yeah. I heard some nurse saying that she’s scheduled to be erased this week, I’ll be her first time observing the procedure or something.”
I let out a sigh of relief, “thank you.” I peer out of the blinds and into the hallway, which now seems to be clear. I give the girl one last look before opening the door and heading back out. I know my time is running thin and I pick up my pace until I finally see the door that I have been looking for. I open it without hesitation. The room is more modest that I had expected. Nothing but a messy desk, and file cabinets covering every wall, corner to corner, with no labels. I throw one open and start digging.
“Nadia Davidson, Christian Dobson, Michael Dontrol, s*** wrong drawer.” I frantically begin to go through the other drawers, looking for the letter M. I finally find it tucked away in the bottom most cabinet. “Riley Missile, Jake Mob, Elena Montrose.” I can feel my heart sink to my stomach when I read the last name. I don’t have enough time to read my entire file but if I take it than I might as well be turning myself in to the police and asking to be killed. “F*** it,” I mutter and I stuff it under my arm before finding Tara’s file. I open it, but my happiness is soon erased away when I see that her procedure is scheduled today, in 1 hour. Seeing as I don’t have any spare time. I slam the file door shut and am about to leave when I hear footsteps approaching.
“Crap crap crap.” I rummage the desk looking for anything I could use as a weapon. I settle on a letter opener and I face it at the door. Before I have time to think the door flies open. I let out a breath and slam the letter opener on the desk. Weston stands there grinning through his ski mask, and Alex tosses me a gun.
“Jesus Christ don’t give this to me I’ve never shot on in my life.” I hold the gun out in disgust.
“Trust me you have,” Alex replies. “It’ll come back to you.”
“And as long as we’re here you won’t have to use it.” I hear a metallic click as Weston slams in a new round with the bottom of his palm.
“What have you done to Dr. Lester?"
“Nothing more than we had to. A quick jab to the head was enough to knock him out.”
“And Emee?”
“She’s in the parking lot, waiting for our call.” He chucks a ski mask at me. “Let’s go Tara is somewhere in here.” I pull the mask over my head and push my way past them. Word must have gotten out that a bunch of delinquents are tearing up the hospital because not a nurse is in sight. More confidently now, I lead Weston and Alex down the now familiar corridors and stop in front of the double doors that say. DO NOT ENTER AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.
“Ready?” Weston asks.
“Real f*ing ready.” I shake out my shoulders. “Let’s go.”
We dash down the ward and past an empty nurse’s station.
“S***. They definitely know we’re here.” I yell. We round the corner and are met with a door marked “Procedure Room.” Without hesitating I attempt to push through, but it’s locked. “What the hell?”
“Stand back,” Weston warns, and he drives his heel with a force that could only be explained by adrenaline into the wood. The doors fly open and we raise our guns. The room is empty. Alex rests his hands on top of his head.
“It’s a freaking trap, they wanted us here. They knew we were coming to get Tara we were set up!”
“What do we do?” Weston looks at me, expecting me to fabricate some sort of perfect solution. Before I can think, a blood-curdling screech fills the halls.
“WESTON!” He darts out of the room and Alex and I run to catch up with him, but he instantly freezes when he rounds the next corner. We nearly crash into him. I look up and see Tara in a hospital gown with a gun to her head. Dr. Lester has a single trace of blood dripping from his head, and his free arm around Tara’s neck. He speaks through gritted teeth.
“I wanted this to work out for you Anna I really did. You got erased to protect the government, to protect yourself from these monsters you now call your friends. But some teens just can’t let go can they.” He starts to yell, “You just had to dig into your past. And for what? Redemption? Friends?” His eyes start to bug out of his head. Weston lowers his gun and puts his free hand up in the air, I keep mine pointed.
“Hey now let’s just take a deep breath,” he says pleadingly, inching his way towards Dr. Lester. “We don’t want anyone to get hurt, just hand over Tara-”
“Take one more step and I’ll shoot,” Dr. Lester spits through his gritted teeth, pushing the gun harder against Tara, who lets out a small cry. “I played dumb for you Anna! I gave you a second chance by trying to remove that stupid tattoo. I thought you could be saved, but I was so goddamn wrong.” I wince at the volume of his words. His eyes narrow and his hand flexes,            “Teens like you just can’t be saved. And this is what I have to do to protect everyone.” His gun goes off into Tara’s skull, blood splattering onto the walls and her body hitting the floor.
“F***.” Weston shrieks. He immediately points the gun at me next, but another gun goes off behind me and suddenly he collapses, lifeless. I whip around to see Eleanor standing 10 feet behind me, gun still smoking.
“I knew this whole thing would get f*ed up,” She storms past us and steps over the bodies. I’m pretty sure my mouth has been hanging open. “I’ll explain later, but we need to get out of this hospital now.” We silently oblige, and break into a run.

All 19 torch members pile into different unmarked cars and manage to escape out of the back parking lot just as the police arrive. I sit next to Eleanor in stunned silence. I don’t even know where to begin.
“I was never erased.” She says looking out the window. “The moment I found out that you had 2 months ago I enrolled myself up at your school. Our mission was always to get you back. My role was to keep an eye on you, see if you would ever be able to be reintegrated back into the torches.”
“How did you know I was ready?"
“The first day of school, when you came back into class after lunch claiming you thought someone had been following you. You may have lost your identity but you never lost your instinct.” her gaze lingers on me for a moment before staring out the window.  I don’t have much to say to her. Part of me is glad she’s here but another wishes I could have left her behind with the rest of Anna. “My mission was just to look after you, becoming friends was all on our own.” It’s the last thing she says to me before resting her head on the window and closing her eyes. I’m sandwiched between her and Weston. We’ve been driving for over an hour, making sharp turns and getting on a highway I’ve never seen before. I just remembered that I’ve been clutching my file. I run my fingers over my laminated name.
“Open it,” Weston says. “This will finally answer all of your questions.” I just stare at it. It doesn’t matter what is says, I’m never going to be that girl again. I grasp the folder between both my hands and rip it in two.
I look up at Weston,
“I’m just Anna now.” I roll down his window and throw my shredded file into the wind. I kiss Weston’s cheek and lay my head on his shoulder, feeling my eyes get heavier.
“There’s been a change of plans,” Melissa, who’s been driving our car says as she puts her cell phone down. “There’s a safe house in Ohio, says they’ve been sheltering other rebels. We’re going there.”
Weston wakes me up when we arrive. I look out the window to see nothing but fields, and a single brick building.
“Where are we?” I sleepily ask.
He shakes his head in reply, “I have no idea.”
Slowly we see the other cars pull up to the building. It has no sign, but a few windows show movement inside. None of the torches are very confident approaching our new home. I push my way to the front of the forming crowd and stop in front of the large wooden door. I ball my hand into a fist and give three loud knocks. I stand back as it flies open, I nearly gasp as a familiar pair of eyes meet mine.
“Ashley?”
“I knew you would make it out,” she grins, pulling me into a hug. “Mom and Dad are in the back.” I can’t seem to find any words to express my utter confusion and overwhelming joy. As I walk into the safe house I can feel my head spinning. Why has my entire life been planned from the moment I woke up?
“It was always our goal to get you back.” I look up to see Marie’s smiling eyes looking back at me.
“Why? Why me?”
“You have more abilities than you currently know. You are powerful, you are a leader, but that you’ve already discovered.” The truth was that for the past 2 months I felt change within myself. Even with the pressure of 20 rebels waiting for me to step up, Marie’s words ignited something within me. I grab a chair that was leaning against the wall and move it to the middle of the floor. I stand on top of it and give a loud whistle, startling the crowd. As they turn to face me, I see Weston towards the back, grinning. I take a deep breath,
“Okay, here’s what we do next.”