This is the story of how I became afraid... Not afraid of life, but of people and the way they think. It’s scary never to know what the person right next to you is thinking. Like, what if they’re thinking about hurting you? Or drugs? Or something just plain evil? It truly terrifies me, but it’s what makes up a person.

This phobia of mine started on a rainy summer night when I was sitting in bed, still pregnant with Chris when my husband, Jake, woke up suddenly like he was having a nightmare. That’s when it happened.

There was just something in his eyes that made me immediately worried, not about him, but about me and the baby. I slowly backed away towards the door when he made his first move. He attacked me like an animal bent on just one thing: killing. I didn’t know why this happened or what possessed him to act this way. I mean; I was his wife and he loved me the way I loved him; or so I thought he did up until that moment of feeling real terror as he stared down at me, repeating, “DIE! DIE!”

I blacked out for almost all of it. I just remembered waking up on the cold, hard kitchen floor with a splitting headache. I heard Jake in the next room, crying, but I didn’t know why. All I knew was that I needed to get help, or at least make sure the baby was okay.
That’s when I made my first move. I got up, slowly at first, then when I realized Jake was still in the other room I ran towards the phone laying on the kitchen table and dialed 911.

I spoke quickly into the phone, whispering just in case Jake would come out from where he was and go all crazy again; and then I knew something wasn’t quite right. The house was silent. No crying, no nothing. Just me and the operator, saying that they were sending cars over right now. But I knew that they were going to be too late; I didn’t know how or why, but I just had a terrible feeling in my gut that something bad was about to happen and I needed to act before he did; I needed to act now.

I dropped the phone and raced towards the knife drawer, fumbling with pulling it out until I finally got a decent knife. I turned slowly around, dreading what I was about to see. As I opened up my eyes I saw him standing there, breathing heavily with tears running down his cheeks and my blood still dripping off him. All I could remember at that very moment was how much it seemed like a nightmare, I had wished it was.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes once again, wishing it would end. When I opened them again, all I could see were stars and hear the whisperings of dead people. At least that’s what I thought until I realized that I was strapped down on a gurney, being rolled to the ambulance and the whispers that I was hearing were actually coming from my neighbors.

“What a terrible thing.”

“I never trusted that Jake, there was always something about him that I didn’t like.”

“I heard that she stabbed him to death, with her eyes closed.”

“I sure hope her baby boy will be alright.”
“I wonder what will happen to them now...”
The next time I woke up, I was in a hospital.

*************
2 years later:


I heard the pitter-patter of Chris chubby feet running across the hardwood floor as I opened up my eyes from the nap that I had been taking. ‘How did he get out of his crib?’ Was my immediate thought and worry.
I got up from my cream-colored rocking chair that I had been curled up in when Chris finally fell asleep about an hour ago. I slowly blinked open my eyes as the living room came into focus, then I went to go find Chris.
I skipped the kitchen, knowing that Chris wouldn’t be in there because I had the sliding door to it shut ever since that night that Jake died, so I went into his room.
As I entered, I noticed the light was on, even though I could remember turning it off, but that wasn’t the thing that scared me the most, the thing that was just weird was that Chris was still in his crib, fast asleep, even though I could swear he had been out of his crib just a moment ago.
‘It’s nothing Martha, you’re just being paranoid.’ I scolded myself as I bent down to where I could see Chris clearly.
I touched his light blonde hair, stroking it to calm myself as well as me when he suddenly shot opened his electric blue eyes, looking dead-straight at me. I fell back on my butt and landed hard on the floor, but I didn’t register the pain, all I could think was how much he looked like his father.
‘No Martha, you’re better than that,’ I told myself. ‘There was something wrong with Jake, mentally and physically, but there’s nothing wrong with Chris even if he is related to Jake, he’s related to you too. There’s nothing wrong with him,, nothing!’ I backed away from the crib, still looking at Chris who was still staring at me, his gaze never wavering. I then couldn’t stand it any longer, I ran from the room, shutting the door behind me as I went.
I practically flew to my bedroom, slamming my door behind me. I sat behind the door with my knees around my legs, rocking back and forth with my eyes shut tightly. It was normal for me to do this, seeing as I did this almost every day and night when I was with Chris. Ever since Chris was born, strange things kept happening to me; and him. Lights came on in the night, Chris would be in his crib but out of it the next moment, I would go to bed in my bed but wake up on the living room floor. I had nightmares every single night; one of them that scared me the most was when I went to check up on Chris in the night, and he was playing with a knife in his crib.
“You’re just being paranoid. You have been ever since that last night with Jake. Everything’s fine. You’re fine. Chris is fine. Everyone’s fine. It’s not like Jake is still alive or haunting you, right?” But at that last sentence my eyes shot open as I looked around the room, even more terrified and scared than I was before.
A curtain near my bed fluttered as wind escaped into my room through the open window. I screamed, swearing I could see a shadow in that single moment and screamed, “GET AWAY FROM ME!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! THIS IS NOT YOUR WORLD!!! YOU DON’T BELONG HERE SO GET AWAY!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! GET AWAY FROM MY BABY YOU MONSTER!!!” I jumped up and took a lamp from on my bedside table and flung it to where I saw Jake, or his ghost, or shadow, or whatever form he was in. He always came back to haunt me for killing him even though I was just protecting myself.
Last year it was a bird who kept following me around everywhere; I swear, I went into a store, and when I came out, it was still there. That’s when I first suspected something. After the bird, everything was okay for a couple of months until September. This dog, most likely a stray, was following me as I took a walk with Chris. That month though Jake finally knew how to break me. He was haunting me from inside my baby.
I took a step towards the broken lamp with shattered glass around it and looked at the curtain. There was nothing there. But I knew what I had seen; Jake was there. I shook my head, mad with myself and the world for making me go through this.
I took a deep breath, then when I was feeling better than before, I decided to check up on Chris with the camera I kept in his room.
I reached up to a shelf above my bed and turned on another camera that was connected with his. The light flashed on as it adjusted to the darkness in his room so I could see him clearly.
My knuckles turned white as I looked into his eyes which seemed locked on me. It was as if he was staring straight into my soul. I cried out and dropped the camera because I knew what I had truly seen, I knew it. His eyes had turned blood red, and his toy letter blocks on the table beside him read: kill.
That’s when I finally lost it. I turned and fled out of the house... Away from Jake; away from his soul and his hauntings.

*************

“Ma’am, are you alright?” The clerk at the register asked me as I stared at something he couldn’t see.
“What, oh, yes. Thank you,” I said as I finally snapped out of my daydream and took my coffee from the counter.
“Have a nice day,” He called after me. I felt like crying. When was the last nice day I’d had? Ever since Jake and his death, I was always waking up with nightmares or by Chris and his crying or Jake was stalking me with animals; and now, my baby. I saw Chris as the spitting image of his father or a petrifying baby that was bent on killing me.
I shook my head and told myself I was just being silly. Then as I heard a baby crying in the coffee shop, I stopped dead in my tracks.
‘Chris!!!’ My mind screamed out at nme. ‘Oh my god!! I had left him home, ALONE!!!’ I had been so worried about myself and getting out of there safely that I hadn’t even stopped to consider my baby. Even though he was demented and truly terrifying, he was still a baby... He was my baby. I had been a horrible parent, leaving him, with or without the ghost of Jake still in our house; or in him.
I dropped my coffee and ran out the door.


*************

The front door squeaked open as I pulled it and ran towards Chris’s room. I pushed the door gently open in case he was sleeping, then when I was about to enter, I got pushed back by a strong wind.
‘Wait, what?’ I thought. ‘There was only one window in his room, and it was always locked, so how did it get open?’
The door banged open as I kicked it and ran to the crib. It was empty. Fearing the worst, I turned to the window and just as I thought, it was open. Chris could’ve easily climbed out, but again, he couldn’t have gotten that far, could have he? And how did the window get open anyway?
I went to the window and peered out, then, seeing his tiny little footsteps in the early morning frost, I lept out of the window, determined to find my baby and take control of the demons that now had him.
I landed hard on the grass with a 'crunch' as my feet fell on the frost. I ignored the pain though and instead ran in the direction of Chris's footsteps leaving everything behind me.
I ran until I couldn’t feel my legs anymore, but the thought of finding my baby boy was more important than waiting around for the police, I kept on tracking Chris, worry in my heart and mind as I thought of him freezing out there.
‘Why should you care about Jake and what he does in the afterlife? Jake is dead. You and Chris are not so you have to stop worrying about that stuff. Plus, you really need to stop watching those late night ghost hunter shows. They’re only freaking you out more. Jake is gone, you have Chris now. You can’t keep on being scared of life anymore.’ I told myself, and finally moved on.
‘Besides,’ I told myself, ‘You’re just being paranoid. You never saw the word kill on his blocks, it was probably just the word ball or something. I need to focus on what matters in life and realize that if I want the best for my baby boy, I need to work on getting help first. All these crazy things that I’m seeing with Jake are just probably in my head...Right?’
It was only a few more minutes after that that I stopped, panting and cold to the bone. I was also scared more than ever in that moment because that’s when I saw Chris. He was standing on top on The Maumee River, on thin ice that could break underneath his weight at any second.
I wasted no time in agonizing over this fact though like I have been for a good portion of my life with Chris. Instead, I ignored the warning signs going off in my head and stepped onto the ice.
I held my breath, secretly hoping that it would make me lighter, and stepped onto the surface of the river, fearing the worst. Nothing bad happened. No cracks appeared, no holes either. So with a light feeling in my heart I took another step, and another. Thankfully I didn’t fall through and Chris was only a few more steps away from me now.
I took a deep breath and ventured up the courage once again. I carefully lifted up my foot and took a pace. Before I knew it, Chris was right in front of me. I carefully said his name so he wouldn’t be startled, then carefully picked him up so I could see him.
His cheeks were bright red and his lips were looking blue. I sighed in relief though because there wasn’t anything paranormally wrong with him. He wasn’t floating, or talking, or he didn’t have red eyes, like I imagined it before.
“It’s going to be okay buddy. I promise. As soon as we get home, I’ll make sure you’re all nice and warm, okay?” I said to him while hugging him. He didn’t respond but I thought it just because he was cold.
I started our trek back to bank where we would be safer than out here. I lifted my foot up for the first step and I didn’t even have to look down to know that the ice was cracking under our weight together. I didn’t even hesitate. I ran for it.
While I was running, I could feel my boots soaking up the water. It was ice cold, the kind that as soon as it hit you, it made your body go cold. I was panting now, from panic and exhaustion from carrying Chris.
All of a sudden I heard a big ‘crack’ that seemed like it was loud enough for the whole world to hear. That’s when my foot touched nothing and me and Chris went underneath the ice.
The shock of the water was immediate after I fell through. My body felt like it had turned to ice and it was so cold it was freezing. My first thought was of Chris though and I tried hugging my arms around him to try to throw him up above the surface. That’s when I realized Chris wasn’t in my arms anymore. I immediately opened my eyes to look for him, but the coldness of the water made my face numb so I couldn’t feel, so I didn’t know what I was doing. The panic now was uncontrollable. I started thrashing around to try to escape. I was trying to do anything possible. But I knew I couldn’t. This was my fate. And fate wasn’t going to let me change that I thought as everything melted away to blackness and the last thing I heard was Jake whispering into my ear saying, “Revenge is a dish best served cold.”