In my head, I’m shaking my head, in anger.  I see my hair falling to the ground, and see blood coming from my scalp.  A frail young girl is crying…  “WHY AM I YELLING AT HER?”  “Why am I in a doctors office?”.  I fall to the ground, apologizing, and I start to cry with her.  Then I wake up screaming as loud as I can.  People dressed in white uniforms run towards me and shake me viciously.  I have to figure out where I am.  A man that looked like a surgeon turns toward me.  I scrambled and screamed for reason, and I got my answers. “Where am I?” “How did I get in here?” Apollo, you are in an Asylum, for people who are very sick and need our help.  I stare in to his gray eyes, piercing my emotions into him.  My head felt like it was imploding.  I couldn't open my eyes.  My mind swirled around the thought of how in the hell did I get in here?  What did I do? The lanky doctor stood up, patted my back, and walked out, leaving me with these deadly thoughts.

It was my first time getting to go to the group room.  A dozen teenagers surrounded me, have they experienced the same things?  I observed the faces that turned towards me.  There were boys playing Clue in the corner and girls giggling as they were glaring over at me. She's the first one to catch my eye… The girl from my first day here. Lindsey.  I feel the warmth travel from her smile to mine. I sway over to her and shake her hand lightly. “Lindsey, right?” She is still leery from when I talked to her last, “Apollo, right?”, her smile grew.  I asked her questions about the kids and why they were here, and all she said was that they are very sick. “Then why am I here?” “I don't think I’m sick”.  I say, holding back my tears.  As Lindsey was leaving she said “We all have our story.”  I didn't see Lindsey a lot, maybe once a week.  I missed seeing her face around, and having her as company.  I couldn't start talking to myself because then they might actually find a reason to have me in this hell hole. I  started talking to other kids.  I can remember very little, but I know that Samuel likes baseball, and Cade misses playing with his little sister. Me?  I can’t remember anything, but why do other people get to cherish those memories?  I look out of the corner of my eye and see that one kid.  The kind of kid that is more comfortable alone, and scared to get out of their box.  There he sat mumbling to himself in the corner.  I walked over to the kid who was lost in his own little world and sit down as slowly as possible.  He looks at me and looks back down at his hands. “I’m Newt.” he whispers.  He had light brown hair, and a tired look in his eyes. “I’m Apollo”.  Surprisingly, right off the bat he asks me, “Why are you in here?”  I have no answer and stay silent for a moment. “I don't know___actually, I have no idea.” He put his hands together, and prayed.  At last, I think he prayed. “What was that for?”  He shyly responded with, “For you.” Who could have faith at these times? But he was the only kid I met that did.  From that point on, I didn't leave Newt’s side.  I shouldn't trust anyone in this place, but I couldn't help to not trust him.  We talked about his family, he had an older brother, that was his best friend.  We talked about girls, and I told him my feelings towards Lindsey.  We laughed, and we ended up on each others shoulders, but thats what friends are for and I couldn't stand to lose my only friend in this joint.

I feel like I’ve been here for weeks and weeks.  I have memorized every detail about the kids in that group room.  I felt more comfortable here, knowing these people a little better.  The curiosity was killing me.  I learned a few things while being here, and lock picking was one of them.  It took me less than five minutes to get out of my cage.  I peek my head out and look both ways before I took my first step out.  Not a single nurse or doctor was in sight when I started strolling towards the Main Office.  I sigh at the fact that you need an ID Card to get access into the Office.  I needed a new plan.  A staff door lays cracked open, I slip into the room to find lockers of vacant white uniforms.  I button up the last button while walking from point A to point B.  A doctor slides by me with his head down.  I knock into him gently having just enough time to take his ID card.  A green light appears when I slid “ Dr. Mike Hensley’s” ID card into the office card reader.  Metal filing cabinets line the walls.  There hung a small key ring which promised access to everything in this facility.  I opened everything I could, looking for with my name plastered on some paper. Empty. No files, no names, no new information.  Not Caden’s or Samuel’s or even Newt’s.  But, at the bottom of the fourth filing cabinet lay one folder. CONFIDENTIAL was written on the outside, but it was too late to stop there.  I opened it; scared to see what would be inside.  Apollo Rae, male, seventeen, medical condition…  BANG… I hear a noise… I put my head down while closing the file cabinet.  I didn't have time to read any farther.  A nurse walked in with her face in a pile of paperwork.  I pick up a clipboard and quickly walked out the door back to the staff room.  My hands were in constant motion shaking from all the nerves.  I jump into my prisoner “outfit” and sneak back to my box.  I can’t contemplate that I was the only file in there.  All the other kids had to be in there?  Lindsey showed up the next day.  I told her everything about yesterdays little adventure. Didn’t they?  She sat there listening to every word or thought that came to my mind.

As time past, I figured out the pattern.  Every seven days I would get a shot with the dose increasing each time.  I just needed to figure out the side effects.  I studied everyone’s face that day.  Newt always sat in his spot near the window.  I went over and shoved him in a friendly manner, and started to spill my guts.  I started to notice my mood changes and seemed to be getting more frustrated with the people around me. Tonight, I would be getting a shot, and hopefully it will knock some sense into me.
I still close my eyes tight when they put the needle into me.  I see darkness first, then a faded light flickers on and I see a woman approach me slowly with tears in her eyes.  She opened her mouth and out slipped, “She’s gone.” I heard my scream, “Why?” “What happened to her?” My cheeks felt like fire, my pillow was flooded, and I couldn't breathe. I woke up with a tear hitting the floor.  I replayed the dream in my head throughout the day.  The group room felt different that day.  It felt lonely, like something was missing.  I noticed that Nicole wasn't there that day.  I started spending my days alone or with Newt wondering what was going on with me.  The population in the room started decreasing.  I never saw any progress from the people around me.  So how could they get a free pass out?  It didn't seem like they were even sick, more or less “insane.”  Was I going insane? I tried to ignore the fact that I felt so alone.  By the end of the week, a total of six kids remained in solitary with me.  I laid on my metal table {what they called a bed} for what seemed like weeks, only getting up to go to the bathroom.  I went into the group room for the first time in weeks… Empty.  And not a sound echoed back to me.  I turn and there came Lindsey and Newt approaching me slowly, glaring deeply like they could see straight through me.  I walk up with worry running through my veins.  I open my mouth but they put the words in it first. “We have to go Apollo.” “We’re holding you back.” “We miss you.” “We love you.” and they both walk away in silence.  I fall to the floor and scream as loud as I can.  They were the closest thing to family I had…and loneliness only kills you over time.

I felt a nurse grab me from under my arms and tug me up, she was trying to tell me something.  But I couldn't hear her.  I just heard my thoughts scream, “You’ve gone insane Apollo!!!!!!”  It felt like a stab to the chest.  It hurt so much.
Later that week, the Doctors told me I would be getting out of here soon.  I didn't know how I would react to what was outside of those doors.  I shook at the idea of not having anyone to show me how to live, like Lindsey.  Why did she have to leave me? Why did Newt go too?  Did I do something wrong?  All I knew was they weren't coming back and I didn't know what was going to happen from this point on.

I got a nice new outfit for this occasion.  I packed what little I had, and took a step towards freedom.  I had been here for nine months, and could only remember those few memories.  I hugged all the nurses that took good care of me and gave a firm handshake to the ones that pissed me off with needles.  Either way I wouldn't have to see them anymore.  Seven doors line the entrance till you get back to reality.  The last door opens with a bang and the sun pours over me.  It felt about in the middle of summer, July maybe, but it never felt so good to be outside.  There was a car parked up front with a frail woman standing in front of it with a gleaming, ear to ear wide smile.  One glance at her and family memories broke loose and everything came back.  “MOM!”  She ran and gave me a hug that I have needed for a while.  It felt so good to hold someone that still loved me in my arms so tightly.  I gave a so long solute to the miserable crew from this institution, and I hopped in the car with not a mean thought in my head.  My mother turned still with a smile and said, “There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about you.”  Then her smile faded with a follow up question,“Do you remember anything Apollo?” I slightly hesitate, “No, I don’t.”  It falls to silence.  There still had to be reasons why I went to this place, who sent me, and how did I forget my life?  We pull into a nice house with a side pool and a porch.  Mother hops out and gestures me in. “Welcome Home.”
I walk into my room.  Pictures plastered the walls of faces I’ve never seen before, or so I thought. One girl was in almost all my photos.  We were smiling, hugging, or kissing in every picture.  She must have meant a lot to me.  A letter hung off to the side of my bulletin board, I glance over to read in more depth and I could barely breath,

Dear Apollo,

    I always told you I’d write you something if something ever happened between us. Well, you're sick.  But that doesn't change the amount you mean to me.  You always told me I made you better.  You were perfect to me either way.
That day in the Doctor’s office they told us that you were diagnosed with Psychosis. You started yelling at me, which you’ve never done before.  But couples get in fights and crap happens, but I love you. I will come visit you every Saturday. Get better Apollo, you're all I have left.

xoxo

          Lindsey

After that it all clicked.  I pull out my laptop and type in, Psychosis.  Recently searched popped up and I read all the symptoms.  The disease lets you create your own friends or memories.  Lindsey was real for a while till, till what?  I didn't make her up? Without reading any farther I run downstairs to my mother to make sure this wasn't a big dream.  I can't hold up any of my body weight and I plump down onto my mother and ask, “What happened to her mom?”  She starts crying with me by the time she opens her mouth, “Car Accident, they flipped over the bridge, she was with your brother, Newt, they were on the way to see you.” “I loved both of them, didn't I?” “Oh just dearly darling.”
I walk up the stairs with tear stains plastered under my eyes.  I walked into my bathroom and turn on the faucet to the bathtub, still little on edge about tubs but I plop in and went under the water under till all I saw were faint bubbles and darkness.