You know, I remember when Kat was younger. She was such a simple girl so happy and so free. She used to lead me around by the hand like a little girl pulling her daddy. I couldn’t help but like her, everyone did. But I never expected to fall in love with her. But you can’t really see that one coming, now can you? I remember the day I went to this dance competition with my cheer group. About three people had already gone, and I was beginning to regret coming to this in the first place. The crowd was murmuring, but then everyone silenced when the lights dimmed. A spotlight shone down on a girl standing in the middle of the floor. Her head was bent down with her hands crossed over her head. A song I hadn’t heard in a long time began to play. It was “Invisible” by Ashlee Simpson. As the first few notes began to play she slowly began to dance. As the song went further on she began with more power and grace. She was as graceful as a swan and as powerful as a lion. At the beginning of the chorus she landed a jump so high that it seemed impossible to do alone. During the entire dance I never got a good look at her face. But then the song slowed to the end. As the last note ended the girl lifted her arms into the air and her hair fell away from her face. The crowd erupted into screams, even the girls in my cheer group cheered. But I sat there in silence. The girls wondered why. But they didn’t know what I knew. The girl who had danced that amazing dance had been Kat!!!

Kat was very talented. There was no denying that. She wrote, she sang, she acted, and she danced. Oh and she played guitar. Speaking of that I remember the time she performed at the Winter Dance. It was my sophomore year, hers too. The committee needed one more gig and everyone knew how good she was. So they asked her to play in it. Of course she said yes. She spent months getting ready for it. Then the day came. I remember it so clearly. Three bands had played before her. Then Kat came out with her guitar in hand. Everyone expected her to play some sappy country love song. But with Kat things are never predictable. She started playing then the band kicked in. Once she started singing I realized what song it was that she was playing. In her clear beautiful voice she started off like this. “Oh no don’t go changing, that’s what you told me from the start. Thought you were something different. That’s when it all just fell apart. Like you’re so perfect, and I can’t measure up. But I’m not perfect just all messed up.” At that point I realized the song she was singing and who she was directing it to. The song was “Everything I’m not” by The Veronicas. And the person she was singing it to was Joe. Once she started the chorus it was obvious she was singing to him. “I was loosing myself to somebody else, but now I see. I don’t wanna pretend so this is the end of you and me. Cuz the girl, that you want, she was tearing us apart. Cuz she’s everything, everything, I’m not.” Most of the song she had her eyes closed. But when she opened them she was looking straight at Joe. I couldn’t tell if it was the glare of the lights in her eyes, but she looked like she was crying. Poor Kat, she really seemed to like Joe. I feel kind of bad for her. She never got to tell him how she felt. And now it’s too late.

Cupcake was an awesome singer, and a really good guitarist. I remember when she played at the school Winter Dance. She sang a lot of songs but the one I remember best is the last song she sang. It was a very sad song. But there was a lot of meaning behind it. Cupcake started off in a very low voice “Did I say something stupid? There goes one more mistake. Do I bore with my problems? Is that why you turn away? Do you know how hard I’ve tried to become what you want me to be?” At this point in the song you could hear the quivering in her voice, and you could see she was on the verge of tears. Most of the crowd could see this but they didn’t know why. But I knew, Cupcake even told me herself. The song was dedicated to Joe. At the chorus Cupcake began on her guitar which matched perfectly in tune with the lead guitarist. She continued on “Take me; this is all that I’ve got. This is all that I’m not, all that I’ll ever be. I’ve got flaws; I’ve got faults, keep searching for your perfect heart. It doesn’t matter who you are. We all have our scars.” Her voice rang clearly throughout the gym. As I turned to the side I see that Joe is watching her. You can see the tears in his eyes as he realized the song was about him. Once Cupcake sings the next part you can see the sorrow on her face. “You say don’t act like a child, but what if it’s a father I need. It’s not like you don’t know what you got yourself into. Don’t tell me I’m the one whose naïve. Do you know how hard I’ve tried to become what you want me to be?” It seemed like she was telling him she was giving up. And that’s pretty much what she was doing. That was the day Cupcake got with Angel. If only Joe had understand how much she loved him. Then that might not have ever happened. And Cupcake would still be here.

Everyone talks about how amazing Kat was and how talented she was. But what they didn’t know was what she had to go through everyday. The fight she fought to stay alive. To most people the one hurting Kat was Angel. But the person they didn’t expect to be hurting her was her mother. To the outside world Kat’s mother was an angel. But to Kat she was the devil in disguise. I remember the stories Kat use to tell me about her mother. I suggested she go talk to a therapist and she took my advice. But she did a little lying to avoid hurting her mother. She only told the things her mother use to do. She made it seem like her mother didn’t do anything to her anymore. But Kat could never dream of hurting her family and she always blamed herself for the beatings. Telling me if she hadn’t failed then she wouldn’t have gotten beat. Which was true in some ways, but her mother would always find something else to get her for. If she was in a foul mood just breathing to heavy would get Kat beat. But Kat refused to see the bad in her mother, like she refused to see the bad in anyone.

Katrice was a very strange little girl. I remember the first day she came to me. She walked into my office with tears in her eyes. She sat down in the chair across from me. “Hello” she whispered lightly to me. “Hello dearie” I answered. That day she told me everything. How her mom would get mad at her and hit her. But she made it very clear to me that her mom was getting help and that she didn’t hurt her anymore. She told me she just wanted to talk to someone. So she didn’t have to hide it. That day in my office she swore to me that she would never have kids. When I asked her why she just responded “I don’t wanna hurt them like mommy hurt me” Yes, Katrice Santiago was a very strange girl.


Poor Kat no one saw the sadness behind the fake smile……

I met Kat my freshman year. She was very original; she had an unusual style that no one else could copy. It wasn’t even a special style. She would come looking preppy one day and total Goth the next. She had a thing for mixing up different styles. Like a Hollister shirt with a pair of black ripped skinnies. Plus her crazy makeup! But under all the clothes she was a very sweet girl. But believe me you would not wanna get her angry!! From what I hear in 8th grade this girl started talking about Kat’s sister and Kat practically ran the girl out of the country. I think she lives in New York with her aunt now. Kat was very overprotective of her sister. Say one bad word about Bella and Kat would kill you. She loved that girl. But she was equally protective of her friends. But it did come in handy in a fight. Ha-ha yea Kat was amazing.

Kat was a good little girl at times. She had her problems, but who didn’t? I loved my daughter with all my heart. I would never hurt her. Well there was this one time. See Kat had done very badly on her report card. I was very disappointed in her. I was yelling at her because I know she could do better. She is a very bright girl with a lot of potential. I don’t know why but Kat started crying in the middle of my getting on to her. I told her to stop crying, she looked pathetic when she did. She wiped her face off with her hand but she kept tearing. It was driving me crazy so I started yelling louder. Kat would flinch back every time I did. I told her to stop flinching and I accidentally slapped her across the face. I didn’t mean to I was just so frustrated with her. Kat staggered backwards and just for a minute I lost it. I hit her again, this time with so much force she fell to the ground. She sat there on the floor with her hand on her cheek looking like a wounded animal. I went up to my room and grabbed my husband’s leather belt. When I came back down she was still on the floor crying. I pulled her to her feet and hit her with it once. I asked her why she did so poorly and she replied “I don’t know” That remark caused me to hit her again. I got into her arms a few times and a little on her back then I stopped myself before it got too bad. I can admit I’m not the perfect mother, but everyone has there flaws. I mean look at my mom, she was abusive and crazy. It isn’t beating that I do to Kat. It’s correction. Besides everyone does it. You never know what happens behind closed doors. Now do you?

Cupcake was my all time favorite bestie!!! She was amazingly funny. Especially when you get her hyped up on Caffeine!! I remember freshman year for my birthday she had a surprise party at the park with a couple close friends. Now usually that would sound so boring but it was amazing. Just imagine 5 girls, a 24 pack of Dr.Pepper, two large pizzas, and a whole bunch of cupcakes. Well that’s what we were like. We had a radio and we were blasting tunes! We started dancing on tables and being crazy. My uncle has the whole thing on tape!!! Yea those were some good times. To bad it’s all gone. Life without Cupcake just won’t be the same……………….

Kat was really nice. She was the only person to talk to me in our Spanish class. She also had a good sense of humor. One time she told me that the room was segregated. When she pointed it out I noticed she was right. The teacher had the kids who could actually speak Spanish in a corner of the room. Then the white kids who couldn’t and the black kids who couldn’t in another. I remember the movie we watched. It was Selena and we were both talking during the entire movie. Our teacher never let us finish a movie, we would get halfway through and then never get back to it. It got kind of annoying not being able to find out what happened. Yea I had some good times in that class.

I remember the time I was in a concert. It was a benefit concert for an animal shelter. I sang some of my favorite songs by Lights. I remember getting up on that stage and everyone going quiet, then the eruption of the crowd as I sang. It was at that concert that I broke up with my cheating boyfriend. Ah good times, good times. That song was one of my favorites ‘It’s over Casanova’ It kind of went something like this “cheap words falling out of your teeth, rolling off your tongue like candy. He heard, she heard, you heard me once. I won’t say it again. Now were just friendly. With the love gone sour I lost my appetite. There’s no more flavor. And talking sweet now won’t fix it somehow. Don’t Casanova me. I’m over you. It’s over obviously. Don’t put your sugar on me. It’s too late to sweeten this baby. Hey Casanova it’s over” Ha I loved the look on his face when he figured out what the song was about. Then the part after the song where I said “Love you Bryce baby!! You’re my Casanova” Everyone started laughing. He still wonders what he did. But you can’t cheat on me and not expect me to find out. Ha-ha poor fool.

I wasn’t just a singer too I was an actress. I loved acting, it was my passion!!! I could spent hours memorizing lines and practicing for a play. I had never gotten stage fright. When I got on stage it was as if I had entered a different world. A rush of peace would flow over me. I t was as if the rest of the world didn’t exist. It was just me and the spot light. I couldn’t feel the eyes of the audience, or hear the murmur of their voices. I loved that feeling, I lived for it. I would be a crazy jumble of nerves before I perform and after, but during a play I was at peace. I remember the play “Memoirs of a school hallway” I loved that one. I n it I had a monologue where I told the audience of how I hadn’t kept the grades up and how I hadn’t sent in my college applications. My favorite part of that monologue was my accent. I used this adorable country accent and everyone loved it!! I had random people coming up to me that I didn’t even know, just to congratulate me. Those were some of the best times in my life…

My sister was my best friend. I loved and trusted her more than anyone else. I still hate whoever did this to her. One thing I remember about her was her story telling. She would come up with the perfect story. If I was mad she had something cheerful to make me happy, if I was sad a funny story would be in store, but her best stories were her ghost stories. She could scare the fur off a cat, that’s how good she was. My favorite, and the favorite of many others, was Daddy I Love You. It was about a little girl whose ghost comes back to kill her mother for killing her. In part two she kills her father for letting her mother take her, and in part three she kills the judge who gave her mother the rights to take her. They were all awesome!!! She could make herself sound so creepy!! I love those stories. I miss the stories and my big sis.

Big city lights, that’s what I want to see someday. Be famous, that’s what I’m going to do. No one will stop me. People will be screaming my name “Kat, Kat, Kat, Kat” Stadiums filled with people just to see me. Like a real big shot. Yeah that’s how imma be. So just sit back and watch me take over the world!!