This time she had seen herself in the mirror, all done up in court attire. She looked again and she was dressed in white shapeless pants and blouse. She stood in the plain room that had only a bed and set of drawers. She snuck up to the window, desperately hoping to see the chilled forest pushing all its blooming petals toward the sky. All that was out the window was a tree painted with muted pink leaves. The leaves floated heavily to the dull green ground. All the colors of this world were dirty and pale in comparison to her own world.
“Verita?” startled Verita spun around with a hand to her chest.
“I didn’t mean to startle you.” The nurse said.
He was tall and handsome with strong muscles and a chiseled jaw. His brown hair swept into his brilliant blue eyes. The eyes of these people were the only things that seemed to have true color.
“It’s nice to have you back in this world.” He smiles kindly. Verita hugged her arms around herself, shivering not so much from the cold but the fear. “Do you remember me?” the kindly nurse said from his green-scrub stance in the doorway.
“Joshua.” She whispers.
His smile widens “That would be me.” He says proudly. Joshua studies Verita closely. “Are you cold?” Concern etches his face.
“No.” she replies quietly.
Verita feels sudden contempt for this entire world. She hates to be lost so helplessly in this false reality. Joshua beckons her out of her colorless confinement but there is no color out here either. Many other women and men in shapeless gowns and outfits with various dampened colors huddle around a thin board covered with carved wood pieces. “Guess who’s joined us this afternoon?” all the others look up at the big nurse and then at the elusive Verita. Some of them smile and some of them look away uninterested. One older man has a grin that might break through his cheeks. “Come play a game with me, Verita.” She has played this game many times before with the old man. In this reality he taught her to play, but as far as Verita is concerned she learned this while she was being taught the art of being queen, the art of deception, the art of war.
The old man, Tyler she remembers, resets the board even though he is in the middle of a game with another, younger man. Verita sits across from him examining the pieces, planning hundreds of steps ahead. The old man gives her a moment as others gather around watching. When she first played the game with Tyler she had lost miserably as he explained how each piece could be moved, their weaknesses, their best attacks. This is where she can’t distinguish which reality she was in when she was taught this. She has distinct memories of Power teaching her this same game and losing to her tutor as well. “Alright, I’m ready.” Verita announced. Tyler nods reaching for a piece in the shape of a horse’s head. He took three turns before he was in checkmate. He stares at the board shaking his head. “Well I never…” He says this every time since the first time, when Verita beat him in fifteen moves. He looks up at her and smiles. He holds out his hand. Verita takes it and shakes it. “Magnificent game, as always.” The others gathered around her, chattering, as money passes from hand to hand. The older residents have gotten rich off of the newest members that see her in this world for the first time. Tyler takes her by the arm and leads her out of her chair into the small courtyard that is just outside her window. It is just a mound of grass with that dulled pink tree, but the old man seems to love it.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” He stares at it in wonder.
“In my world every tree is brighter than this.” She is Homesick already. Verita wishes she could just stay in her own world.
“Ah, yes. I forgot that your version of the world is so colorful.” The old man pulled her down onto a bench staring at that tree. He watched her as a tear slid down her cheek. “You don’t like it here.” He said matter-of-factly.
“I don’t belong here. I just want to stay in my world.”
“That place is not real. You know that, don’t you?” Verita turned to him disgusted.
“Just because you can’t see it does not make it false.” She turned back to the tree. The old man didn’t say anything. “It’s better there. It’s… beautiful is too little a word.” She looked at him pleading. “It’s my world, where I live and I want to stay there.” The old man still didn’t answer.
He sighed. “I thought the medication was helping.” He whispered. He turned to her. She refused to look at him. “You are lucid more often. And for longer.” He put a hand to her arm. “But you are still completely convinced that you live in a false reality.” Verita turned on him standing up furiously.
“This is the false world! This is the place that doesn’t exist! It’s only a way for me to protect my kingdom!” the old man watched Verita pace across the small yard. His eyes traced her movement. When she collapsed on the grass in tears he went to her, holding her against his chest. “I don’t want to be here.” Verita sobbed, “I have friends where I am. There are people who need me. I have a kingdom to govern. They would all starve without someone to make sure everyone gets food.” She buries her face into his shoulder. They sit like that for an hour. Tyler strokes her back as Elise cries silently.

When the queen looks back up she is standing in her palace staring at her own reflection in the mirror. Mere seconds had passed. Verita had tears tumbling down her rosy cheeks. Worry stepped in front of her. Verita threw her arms around her faithful old maid and cried. When she had finished, Worry sat her on the bed. She repaired the queens shattered face gluing it back together with pale powder stroked over the streaks where her tears had torn her facade. “You’re real, right?” Elise Whispered hesitantly. Worry looked at her astonished. She had never doubted this reality before. “Yes, of course.” The queen took a big shaky breath pulling her council mask into place. “Good because I have a meeting to attend.” She stood and glided out the door.

The queen propped her chin up on the heel of her hand. The meeting had gone on for hours, discussing things that had never changed and never would. She thought about what Tyler had said in the alternate world. She had no time to waste. If she was going to disappear from this world she would at least find out what was hidden in the forest.
The queen’s head rose. Just her stance drew all attention to her. She looked each council member in the eye, lingering on Distraction to ensure his silence. “I will be going on an excursion tomorrow.” She waited for everyone to fidget under her authority. She would not be denied this time. “I will be going into the Dead Forest for a time.” There were many objections. Queen Verita raised a hand daintily and a hush settled over the gathered. “It’s too dangerous.” Fear called out. “And there are things in there.” Apprehension added. Verita waited for silence and continued only when everyone had stilled. “I will be going into the Dead Forest and I will search for the thing that lives there. I am certain this thing will bring peace with the creatures.” There was a nervousness that resounded throughout the meeting hall. “What if you are attacked by the creatures? You can’t fight them off.” Doubt’s voice rang out. The gathered nodded collectively and whispered in hushed tones. The queen could see she was not getting through to them. “I am leaving.” She said just loud enough for everyone to hear and saying it aloud made her realize that she was indeed leaving. “We’re sorry for disagreeing with you. Please don’t leave.” Remorse begged. Everyone whispered “Don’t leave.” Verita looked around at these people she knew so well and had for so long. Her lip quivered. “I don’t want to leave you,” She looked to each of her beloved friends, “but I am fading from this world.” The very air was sucked out of the room.
“You are leaving us for the other world aren’t you?” Jealousy spoke out. She looked out at the faces around the table. This wasn’t working. “I’m sorry” the queen apologized, “I cannot stop this.” There was an outcry. Everyone spoke as one. Verita ignored them standing and turning out of the room.
Worry looked at the queen. The old maid had tears in her eyes. “Are you really leaving?” Verita looked at Worry. A lump was growing in her throat. “Yes.” They spent the night crying in each other’s arms.

The next day Verita walked to the stables. The entire counsel and Worry where there. All of them wanted to go along. They would slow her down, try to convince her to stay in the safe confines of her castle, but they were her friends, begging her to go on the last trip of her life in this world. She didn’t know what to do. She hid away in the horses stall to think. She picked up a bucket of water and saw her own rippling face.

The ripples slowed and Verita found herself holding cold porcelain instead of cold metal. She turned around. Tyler was sitting on her bed he was wearing a blue shirt that was eye catching, but she couldn’t figure out why. He was intensely focused on his book. Verita stared at his shirt trying to figure out why it looked so different. “Is that a new shirt?” Verita asked. Tyler looked up at her and then back down at his shirt. “It’s the same shirt that I wore during our chess game.”
“It’s the same day?!” Verita had not shown up in this other world twice in one day since she was very young.
“Yes. I’m surprised as well.” He watches her search the room for clues as to why she is here. She walks to the window and looks out. The tree catches her eye like it never has before.
“What are you looking for?” the old man asks.
“I don’t know.” The old man is content to just watch as Verita tries to figure out what she’s looking for. “Something has changed.” The old man says after a moment.
Verita turns back to him. “Yes, something has changed.” She looks back to the window and finds herself staring at a different tree.

The queen’s horse whinnies when she doesn’t stroke his nose when he nuzzles her. She looks away from the orange tree her gaze is fixed on. She pats the horse on the head. “Yes, Courage. I will be taking you.” She leads her horse out to the cluster of people gathered in front of the stables. “I will be going alone. I am only taking courage with me.” The group started to protest but she held her hand up. “That is final.” The queen decrees, when the protests have quieted. She saddled Courage and set off. Doubt, Worry, Fear, Distraction, Apprehension, Remorse, Jealousy and all the other members of the council followed her to the gates. She waved farewell and rode out. She snuck around the back of the castle avoiding as many people as possible. When she came to the edge of the Dead Forest the queen stopped. She swallows. Terror steps out from behind a low stone wall. She was the only person who didn’t often come to the meetings. She didn’t like to leave her house.
“What are you doing here?” The queen whispers.
“The council sent me to tell you to turn back.”
Verita took a deep breath and comforted Courage. “I will not turn back.”
Terror looked at the queen and smiled, “Do you know what your name means?”
Verita frowned. “No.”
“Good day.” Terror walked away.
“Wait!” The Queen called out but Courage threw his front hooves in the air and Terror ran back to her home. Verita took another deep breath and took a step into the Dead Forest.

The trees were creeping and dark hanging over the Queens head like grabbing fingers trying to drag her away. Twigs snapped all around her and small white bodies skittered through the decaying forest at her feet. The sun hid behind gray clouds hovering ominously above her. A branch broke and fell to the death covered ground. Verita jumped turning to look behind, but courage carried her on. The wind brushed through the trees making them create a slow high pitched beat with the clack of rotting branch against branch. The winds haunting bellow harmonized with the shrieking trees. The trunks stretched toward the sky reaching desperately for nourishment. Their emancipated bodies bent under the slightest touch. The trees gathered closer and leaned nearer to the queen. She had to dismount and walk beside her horse. A pale hand scampered across her foot sharp nails drawing blood. She cried out her screech being mirrored by every creature hiding in the desiccation littering the floor. She took another tentative step forward. Another creature crawled across her legs and crimson welled up on her white skirts. Again her scream was echoed by all the creatures there to torment her. Verita broke into a run. All the creatures chased her clawing at her legs echoing her cries. They tore at her dress ripped off her boots. Her feet lefty bloody prints in the crumbling leaves. The creatures climbed her back tearing out her hair digging into her arms. Screaming she fell to the ground covered in these creatures. They rubbed her skin raw their nails ripping into the flesh of her face. Their rough tongues licked the gauges in her skin. “You are worthless.” One rasped in her ear. “You can’t do anything.” Another whispered to her. “You are nothing.” One screeched and the others took up the cry. “Nothing!” they chant. “Nothing!” They overwhelm her, beat her down. “Nothing!” they are right. She is helpless. “Nothing!” But something else whispered in the breeze. “something” It says “something” Verita Calls her Courage. “something” She casts off the creatures. “something” She ran. She ran. “something” She ran straight into a lake. A tiny silver puddle. “something” “Nothing! You are Nothing!” Verita peered into the fluid mirror. “something” “Nothing!” She was in it. She was beautiful. She was Herself. “NOTHING!” She turned on them. “SOMETHING!” She screamed at them. They stopped because there was nothing more they could do to harm Her. They fell away turning to dust. She turned back to the little pond and looked at Her reflection. She turned back around. Tyler sat in a chair in front of Her. He smiled at Her. She smiled back. His shirt was the most brilliant shade of blue She had ever seen. “Did you find what you were looking for?” He asked
“Yes,” She said, “I found Myself.”