When you do not know who or how to trust growing up, it complicates things ( obviously, ). However, learning how to trust must be the most complicated subject to learn.

While growing up, I constantly moved for a good part of my childhood. My mom and my siblings ran away halfway across the U.S. to live with my grandmother, who has her share of demons because of my mom's abuser. After leaving, we stayed for only a few weeks at some of my relatives' homes. I have since been told that they were all drunks, drug addicts, and not to be trusted. But as a child ( I would say, from five to eight years) I trusted and loved them. I do not speak to any of them now out of guilt or worry. My mom tells me stories of her childhood with these people who are supposed to be family members, and in her memories, they are completely different people. I would go as far as to say that they were really evil. There are so many sides to a story, and as a naive child, I did not believe that. I still don't know. I am not sure if that makes me an awful person, but I want to see the good in the people I love.

Seeing that the people who I was supposed to love and love me back weren't to be trusted made things difficult because, as I got older and started to let people in, they all left. Friends were not real, and love was for show. I am constantly questioning people who say they love me. I feel so ashamed thinking that, at any moment, they will sell me out or leave. I used to be an open, happy, and gullible little girl, but now it takes everything to believe that someone is who they say they are and will not leave me.

However, that's the thing about trust. Trusting a person is having faith that a person is who they say they are. Trust is about believing that a person will keep their word. Trust is broken and hurts like nothing else. But you cannot let other people determine who is actually going to be there for you. Who is worthy of trust?

So, I'm learning who and how to truly trust in a person and their word. I understand not everyone will be truthful and honest to me, but that's an unjust part of living. No, you can't trust everyone. But, not everyone is waiting to stab you in the back. Someone will keep their word, love you, and stand by you. Learning to trust is formidable, but having it is priceless.

QUOTE:

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” Frank Crane, American Minister, and author