We live in a state of separation and togetherness. We are at once alone and together. We as humans have a deep primal need for connection, both emotional and physical. This physical need is due to a necessity for intimacy. This intimacy comes from a willing vulnerability born out of trust. It comes from a willing to let go, to give in, to lose control. Intimacy comes not from physical closeness, for two people may be a close as two people can possibly be, yet intimacy exists naught. Yet, by the same token, a glance, a breath, or a sigh, can be the most intimate thing. Why do we have this need for intimacy? Were we not created completely and utterly self-sufficient, and is the need not a flaw in our existence? It is not a flaw, but rather the genius behind our creation. We are, in ourselves, perfect. We are all we will ever need in this world, although many search for something else, and although many don’t understand. This need, however, causes us to seek the company of others, to challenge ourselves, and to better ourselves, for without it, we would all wander alone, trapped in out perfection.
The idea of a soul mate, or that of a two part soul, is an idea I run from, for it is the idea that we are singularly unhappy with state of self. It means we are always seeking, always searching for this fabled other. Too many people spend there lives uncontented in a state of perfect self and feel the need for completion, when we are really whole within ourselves. I by no means fear a dependency on others, for it is as natural as a dependency on one’s self, but rather I feel a need to be myself before anyone else can tell me who or what I am; I want to know who I am before anyone else tries to define me, and I want to know my limits before anyone can set them for me. As freeing and liberating as a true partnership with anyone can be, it can also be constraining and confining if one is not absolutely confident in one’s self. We must know that it is a joy to be with someone who can speak volumes in silence, but we must not rush to find this one. To be with one’s self can be frightening, so we mask our fear in affection toward others, and, in doing so, we forget to develop a sense of self. I don’t mean we should be alone forever, but we must be a strong individual before we can be a strong partner.